In a further bid to help any
confused reader, we at ktelontour thought it would be good to compile a glossary of terms or slang used on this Blog,
which could point you in the right direction. It is by no means complete,
comprehensive or finalised; it will be an going project and we shall add to it
as we stumble along. Equally, if there are words or phrases that you can't
fathom, leave a comment and we will add it to the next version.
- personal comment/input from karTER without wifey
Airhead- dim witted, (usually) blonde burd
Arse- what one sits on, an exclamation of dismay
Arse (The)- nickname for Arsenal, jammy gets for the past 20 years
It will no doubt cause more
problems than it hopes to resolve and be warned that it is slightly NSFW or
pc-correct:
- personal comment/input from karTER without wifey
Airhead- dim witted, (usually) blonde burd
Arse- what one sits on, an exclamation of dismay
Arse (The)- nickname for Arsenal, jammy gets for the past 20 years
Arsehole Whinger- playful and
accurate nickname for the Gooners' boss, known for his dismal eyesight and
sense of fair play
Bait- packed lunch, sandwiches
for work
Bastid- bastard
Bent- counterfeit, fake
BLiar- utter tosser, Tony Blair, ex PM
Blue Bus- for someone who is special
Blurk- bloke, gadgy, man, dude
Boff- to have sex with, to acquire carnal knowledge
Bollocks- favoured word to describe something that is below par and associated with male genitalia
Bounty- another Geordie way of agreeing with you, or a chocolate bar by Mars
Brilliant- exceptionally nice, super, spiffing, A1, first class, very shiny and one of H's fave words
Britland- The old stomping ground, the ex home country, Britain, England, UK, GB
Bubblehead- dim witted, (usually) blonde burd
Bunce- money, cash
Burd- bird, woman, girl, chick, young lady
Bastid- bastard
Bent- counterfeit, fake
BLiar- utter tosser, Tony Blair, ex PM
Blue Bus- for someone who is special
Blurk- bloke, gadgy, man, dude
Boff- to have sex with, to acquire carnal knowledge
Bollocks- favoured word to describe something that is below par and associated with male genitalia
Bounty- another Geordie way of agreeing with you, or a chocolate bar by Mars
Brilliant- exceptionally nice, super, spiffing, A1, first class, very shiny and one of H's fave words
Britland- The old stomping ground, the ex home country, Britain, England, UK, GB
Bubblehead- dim witted, (usually) blonde burd
Bunce- money, cash
Burd- bird, woman, girl, chick, young lady
Cameraman- David Cameron, current
PM and all round useless milk sop, weak chinned blunderer
Carbon footprint- meaningless phrase conjured up by spin doctors trying to convince people to pay more to offset it
Carbon footprint- meaningless phrase conjured up by spin doctors trying to convince people to pay more to offset it
Chang- Thailand's best beer for
barflies. Bastard evil stuff that is far stronger than you think with
average alcohol content starting at 6%. Drink at your own peril
Changover- ensuing hangover after
a night on the Chang. Chang = elephant in Thai and that is what it feels
like; an elephant sitting on your head
Choon- song, ditty, melody
Chuffed- dead pleased, smug, smirked (see later)
Cigs- cigarettes
Clart- to strike, to punch, to physically remind someone to behave
Choon- song, ditty, melody
Chuffed- dead pleased, smug, smirked (see later)
Cigs- cigarettes
Clart- to strike, to punch, to physically remind someone to behave
Cobblers- as per "bollocks"
but not quite as severe in terms of cussing
Coffin Dodger- older generation/senior citizens, treated appallingly in the UK as if second class
Crib- one’s abode, house, place, somewhere to crash
Critics- self opinionated people whose opinion counts for nothing but to themselves and yet feel it imperative to foist it onto the public without invitation
Deffo- undoubtedly, most definitely
Dibble- police
Dickless- bastardisation of “ridiculous” and usually more appropriate
Div- another person of retarded brain capacity
Dodgy- my taste, my dancing, my football team. Questionable, dubious, subjective
Dosser- idlers, slackers, lazy gets
Dough- money, cash
Drum- one’s abode, house, place, somewhere to crash
Duds- fakes, forgeries, counterfeit but also clothes, a person’s attire Duff- shonky, dud, to beat up, to knack
DYK?- Did you know?
Coffin Dodger- older generation/senior citizens, treated appallingly in the UK as if second class
Crib- one’s abode, house, place, somewhere to crash
Critics- self opinionated people whose opinion counts for nothing but to themselves and yet feel it imperative to foist it onto the public without invitation
Deffo- undoubtedly, most definitely
Dibble- police
Dickless- bastardisation of “ridiculous” and usually more appropriate
Div- another person of retarded brain capacity
Dodgy- my taste, my dancing, my football team. Questionable, dubious, subjective
Dosser- idlers, slackers, lazy gets
Dough- money, cash
Drum- one’s abode, house, place, somewhere to crash
Duds- fakes, forgeries, counterfeit but also clothes, a person’s attire Duff- shonky, dud, to beat up, to knack
DYK?- Did you know?
Experts- people who rarely are or
are anything but
Fags- cigarettes
Feck- Father Ted’s user friendly way of saying “fuck”
Fags- cigarettes
Feck- Father Ted’s user friendly way of saying “fuck”
Fecked- past tense of
"feck" as in "fucked".
Feds- police
FFS- for fuck’s sake
Filth- police
Feds- police
FFS- for fuck’s sake
Filth- police
Flappers- your common and garden
flip-flops, the only article of footwear to wear on tour of Asia- never to be worn with socks
Fugly- fucking ugly (ditto “Fuggo)
Fuzz- police
Gadgy- bloke, feller, chap, man, dude
Gaff- one’s abode, house, place, somewhere to crash
Gan- to go, have gone
GATSOs- scameras, speed cameras for taxing motorist, nothing to do with Health and Safety
Geordie- rather tuff north eastern folk who use swear words as punctuation marks and like to duff people up in a disagreement
Get- git
Get Shit Faced- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
Getting Spannered- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
Getting Spazzed- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
Getting Wankered- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
Fugly- fucking ugly (ditto “Fuggo)
Fuzz- police
Gadgy- bloke, feller, chap, man, dude
Gaff- one’s abode, house, place, somewhere to crash
Gan- to go, have gone
GATSOs- scameras, speed cameras for taxing motorist, nothing to do with Health and Safety
Geordie- rather tuff north eastern folk who use swear words as punctuation marks and like to duff people up in a disagreement
Get- git
Get Shit Faced- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
Getting Spannered- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
Getting Spazzed- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
Getting Wankered- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
GH- guest house
Giraffe- long necked mammal,
taking the piss; as in "you're 'aving a giraffe, mate". From
some kind of rhyming slang and usually associated with high prices
Giving it Large- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
Global Warming- bollocks, fabrication, con, made up fairy tale
Gob shite- talkative person, chatty but usually just full of hot air
Gone Pear Shaped- a phrase for which killing the user is mandatory for being a total tosser and having a negative impact on the sta-testicles of human development
Government- a shower of shite, a Parliament of liars, the biggest ineptitude of the 21st century, greedy, hypocritical, selfish, expense fiddling, shysters
Grass hole- Father Ted’s way of saying “arse hole”
Green- the new, old and present black, Mother Nature
Grey Army- older generation/senior citizens, treated appallingly in the UK as if second class
Guffing/Guff- to blather on, to spiel, to wax lyrical, to post
Gummer- older generation/senior citizens, treated appallingly in the UK as if second class
HAB- how about bollocks
Health and Safety- an excuse to make people do stupid things by lying to them
Giving it Large- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
Global Warming- bollocks, fabrication, con, made up fairy tale
Gob shite- talkative person, chatty but usually just full of hot air
Gone Pear Shaped- a phrase for which killing the user is mandatory for being a total tosser and having a negative impact on the sta-testicles of human development
Government- a shower of shite, a Parliament of liars, the biggest ineptitude of the 21st century, greedy, hypocritical, selfish, expense fiddling, shysters
Grass hole- Father Ted’s way of saying “arse hole”
Green- the new, old and present black, Mother Nature
Grey Army- older generation/senior citizens, treated appallingly in the UK as if second class
Guffing/Guff- to blather on, to spiel, to wax lyrical, to post
Gummer- older generation/senior citizens, treated appallingly in the UK as if second class
HAB- how about bollocks
Health and Safety- an excuse to make people do stupid things by lying to them
H & S- as above, just a
bit shorter
Hoy(i)- spelling unclear but
Geordism for "to throw, place or gently dispense", to chuck or lob
Humpies- to have sex with, to acquire carnal knowledge
ID Cards- Mickey Mouse passports, a black hole for losing cash, stupidest idea yet to combat terrorism
Innit- statement or question, who knows, but usually found at the end of a sentence when requiring approval or confirmation. Short for “isn’t it”
Jumper- potential suicide case perched on a ledge, extra layer of warm clothing for those in cooler climates, horse at the Grand National
Humpies- to have sex with, to acquire carnal knowledge
ID Cards- Mickey Mouse passports, a black hole for losing cash, stupidest idea yet to combat terrorism
Innit- statement or question, who knows, but usually found at the end of a sentence when requiring approval or confirmation. Short for “isn’t it”
Jumper- potential suicide case perched on a ledge, extra layer of warm clothing for those in cooler climates, horse at the Grand National
karTER- same as k'telontour but a bit shorter and derived from our
real names
Knack/Knacker- fat bastard, unfit gut bucket- not to be confused with a German sausage a la Knacker
Kosher- real, original, OEM
ktelontour- lucky bastids, continual holiday makers, dossers
Lamp- to strike, to punch, to physically remind someone to behave
Leg it- run away, remove one’s person from the vicinity
Legit- real, original, OEM
McBroon- useless tosser, Gordon Brown, current PM
McCoy- real, original, OEM
McD’s- burger joint which can be a treat and has saved many a life
Messiah- Alan Shearer (inaccurate, but what the hey)
M-I-L/m-i-l- mother in law (also s-i-l/b-i-l: sister/brother-in-law)
Minger- one horrendously lacking in the looks department, usually female
Mong- thick cut marmalade, tard, unintelligent
Monkeys Chunkies- rather special, pleasingly good, like the Dog's Bollocks but they can climb trees a bit better
Moolah- money, cash
Motorcycle- God’s own transport
Mungler- one horrendously lacking in the looks department, usually female
Munter- one horrendously lacking in the looks department, usually female
NT- News Thump
Nicked- pinched, thieved, stolen
Niff- smell, aroma, odour
Knack/Knacker- fat bastard, unfit gut bucket- not to be confused with a German sausage a la Knacker
Kosher- real, original, OEM
ktelontour- lucky bastids, continual holiday makers, dossers
Lamp- to strike, to punch, to physically remind someone to behave
Leg it- run away, remove one’s person from the vicinity
Legit- real, original, OEM
McBroon- useless tosser, Gordon Brown, current PM
McCoy- real, original, OEM
McD’s- burger joint which can be a treat and has saved many a life
Messiah- Alan Shearer (inaccurate, but what the hey)
M-I-L/m-i-l- mother in law (also s-i-l/b-i-l: sister/brother-in-law)
Minger- one horrendously lacking in the looks department, usually female
Mong- thick cut marmalade, tard, unintelligent
Monkeys Chunkies- rather special, pleasingly good, like the Dog's Bollocks but they can climb trees a bit better
Moolah- money, cash
Motorcycle- God’s own transport
Mungler- one horrendously lacking in the looks department, usually female
Munter- one horrendously lacking in the looks department, usually female
NT- News Thump
Nicked- pinched, thieved, stolen
Niff- smell, aroma, odour
NNTR- “no need to reply” added to
a message to avoid email ping-pong
NSFW- not safe for work
(sometimes NWS- not work safe)
OAP- older generation/senior citizens, treated appallingly in the UK as if second class
OEM- Original equipment manufacturer
Offset- pay more taxes on
On the Lash- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
On the Piss- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
On Your Toes- run away, remove one’s person from the vicinity
Pad- one’s abode, house, place, somewhere to crash
PC-ism- a joke, the Emperor’s new clothes, unenforceable, not law, a big con
Phil Lynott- God
Pilfed- nicked, stolen, purloined
Plastic Plod- pretend Dibble, too stupid to do the real thing, Community Copper
Plod- police
OAP- older generation/senior citizens, treated appallingly in the UK as if second class
OEM- Original equipment manufacturer
Offset- pay more taxes on
On the Lash- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
On the Piss- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
On Your Toes- run away, remove one’s person from the vicinity
Pad- one’s abode, house, place, somewhere to crash
PC-ism- a joke, the Emperor’s new clothes, unenforceable, not law, a big con
Phil Lynott- God
Pilfed- nicked, stolen, purloined
Plastic Plod- pretend Dibble, too stupid to do the real thing, Community Copper
Plod- police
Police- Polis, Po-Po, Babylon
Ponce- someone who sponges or acts in a parasitic manner, play on word for Prince in the UK
Ponk- smell, aroma, odour
Ponce- someone who sponges or acts in a parasitic manner, play on word for Prince in the UK
Ponk- smell, aroma, odour
Ponking- the act of smelling,
whiffing et cetera
post office worker- job’s worth, little Fuhrer, wanna be Deity
Prat- someone to dislike, MP
Private Jet/Helicopter- only means of travel for public servants, despite demanding everyone be more environmentally friendly
Puff- a bit effeminate, big girl’s blouse, wuss
Pushing the Envelope- a phrase for which killing the user is mandatory for being a total tosser and having a negative impact on the sta-testicles of human development
Readies- money, cash
post office worker- job’s worth, little Fuhrer, wanna be Deity
Prat- someone to dislike, MP
Private Jet/Helicopter- only means of travel for public servants, despite demanding everyone be more environmentally friendly
Puff- a bit effeminate, big girl’s blouse, wuss
Pushing the Envelope- a phrase for which killing the user is mandatory for being a total tosser and having a negative impact on the sta-testicles of human development
Readies- money, cash
Ricky- rickshaw (driver)
Rocket Science- a phrase for which killing the user is mandatory for being a total tosser and having a negative impact on the sta-testicles of human development
Rollies- cigarettes
Rozzers- police
Scarper- run away, remove one’s person from the vicinity
Scoff- to mock, to eat food, to snack
Scran- to eat, or food
Scratch- money, cash
Shag- to have sex with, to acquire carnal knowledge
Shite- crap, shit, arse droppings, Labour Government
Shonky- counterfeit, fake
Rocket Science- a phrase for which killing the user is mandatory for being a total tosser and having a negative impact on the sta-testicles of human development
Rollies- cigarettes
Rozzers- police
Scarper- run away, remove one’s person from the vicinity
Scoff- to mock, to eat food, to snack
Scran- to eat, or food
Scratch- money, cash
Shag- to have sex with, to acquire carnal knowledge
Shite- crap, shit, arse droppings, Labour Government
Shonky- counterfeit, fake
Singha beer- Thailand's premier
beer and more expensive. Pronounced as "Sing" (drop the ending
"a") if you're a local- only Farang's embarrass themselves by adding
the whole thing
SL- Short List
Slap- burd’s make up
Slaphead- one without cranial insulation, hirsute-less, baldie
Slapper- burd of loose morals, tart
Smirken- to smoke a la style of Geordies
SL- Short List
Slap- burd’s make up
Slaphead- one without cranial insulation, hirsute-less, baldie
Slapper- burd of loose morals, tart
Smirken- to smoke a la style of Geordies
small font- dirty
word, not worthy of full text size
Snide- counterfeit, fake
Snouts- cigarettes
Sorted- made up, happy, successful
Sound- real, original, OEM
Sovs- money, cash
Snide- counterfeit, fake
Snouts- cigarettes
Sorted- made up, happy, successful
Sound- real, original, OEM
Sovs- money, cash
SP- info, gen, knowledge,
insight; from horse racing parlance "starting price"
Spacker- another person of retarded brain capacity
Spaff- man dribble
Spacker- another person of retarded brain capacity
Spaff- man dribble
Spamish- ktelontour’s version of
Spanish
Spaz- person of retarded brain capacity
Special- mong head, div, not fully functional upstairs, stupid
Spokesbod/Spokesbot- a mouthpiece for an organisation, council, company, firm, interested party who usually trot out clichéd reasoning for why not, not why
Spoof- to waste
Sta-testicles- statistics (because all statistics are bollocks)
Spaz- person of retarded brain capacity
Special- mong head, div, not fully functional upstairs, stupid
Spokesbod/Spokesbot- a mouthpiece for an organisation, council, company, firm, interested party who usually trot out clichéd reasoning for why not, not why
Spoof- to waste
Sta-testicles- statistics (because all statistics are bollocks)
Steward's- an enquiry into
proceedings, looking into, checking out; from
horse racing parlance "Steward's enquiry"
Strewth- I am amazed
Strides- trousers
Striped- to get ripped off, conned, fleeced, stiffed
Stroll on- I am amazed
Suss- understand, work out, calculate
Tabs- cigarettes
Tailors- cigarettes
Tart- see Puff
taxi driver- modern Highway man, landlocked pirate, conman
Team Eng-er-land- English "football" team
Terrorism- an excuse to go to war, invade countries and put the blame on for each and every mistake made by someone in authority
TES- The Evening Standard
TG- The Guardian
The Arse- Arsenal, the Gooners, jammy sods that are rivals to Tottenham Hotspur (and sadly better)
The Farce- for whom Plod, Dibble, the Rozzers, etcetera work
Thin Lizzy- world’s best band ever
TIFO- Today I Found Out
TInd- The Independent
Toon- Newcastle football team. Not to mistaken with “cartoon”, though many letters are the same and could also be used to describe their style of play
Tosser- a person of little value to the community, MP/PM
Trainers- person passing on learning, foot attire for the lazy who prefer comfort to conformity, source of irritation to large men on doors
TTel- The Telegraph
Tuck- sweets, treats, chocolate, goodies
Tuff- rock hard, up for a punch up
Tying One On- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
Tyre- the correct way to spell “tire”, which as we all know is a verb to become fatigued
UDIs- Unidentified Drinking Injuries, self harm whilst “bollocksed”, knocking oneself whilst under the influence of alcohol
WAG- wives and girlfriends of low IQ, a joker
WC- World Cup, bog
Wedge- money, cash
White/Silver Top- older generation/senior citizens, treated appallingly in the UK as if second class
Why Aye, Man- Geordie way of agreeing with you (rarely heard in this context though)
Wifey- the wife, the missus, partner in crime, girlfriend
Window of Opportunity- a phrase for which killing the user is mandatory for being a total tosser and having a negative impact on the sta-testicles of human development
Wooden Tops- police
Wor Kev- affectionate but misguided reference to Kevin Keegan on Toonside
WoW- why, oh why? Used to ponder the existence of BLiar, Blatter, Ruby Wax and similar pointless entities or questions
Strides- trousers
Striped- to get ripped off, conned, fleeced, stiffed
Stroll on- I am amazed
Suss- understand, work out, calculate
Tabs- cigarettes
Tailors- cigarettes
Tart- see Puff
taxi driver- modern Highway man, landlocked pirate, conman
Team Eng-er-land- English "football" team
Terrorism- an excuse to go to war, invade countries and put the blame on for each and every mistake made by someone in authority
TES- The Evening Standard
TG- The Guardian
The Arse- Arsenal, the Gooners, jammy sods that are rivals to Tottenham Hotspur (and sadly better)
The Farce- for whom Plod, Dibble, the Rozzers, etcetera work
Thin Lizzy- world’s best band ever
TIFO- Today I Found Out
TInd- The Independent
Toon- Newcastle football team. Not to mistaken with “cartoon”, though many letters are the same and could also be used to describe their style of play
Tosser- a person of little value to the community, MP/PM
Trainers- person passing on learning, foot attire for the lazy who prefer comfort to conformity, source of irritation to large men on doors
TTel- The Telegraph
Tuck- sweets, treats, chocolate, goodies
Tuff- rock hard, up for a punch up
Tying One On- drinking a tad more than is necessary, imbibing one over the eight, requiring the use of a beer scooter to get home
Tyre- the correct way to spell “tire”, which as we all know is a verb to become fatigued
UDIs- Unidentified Drinking Injuries, self harm whilst “bollocksed”, knocking oneself whilst under the influence of alcohol
WAG- wives and girlfriends of low IQ, a joker
WC- World Cup, bog
Wedge- money, cash
White/Silver Top- older generation/senior citizens, treated appallingly in the UK as if second class
Why Aye, Man- Geordie way of agreeing with you (rarely heard in this context though)
Wifey- the wife, the missus, partner in crime, girlfriend
Window of Opportunity- a phrase for which killing the user is mandatory for being a total tosser and having a negative impact on the sta-testicles of human development
Wooden Tops- police
Wor Kev- affectionate but misguided reference to Kevin Keegan on Toonside
WoW- why, oh why? Used to ponder the existence of BLiar, Blatter, Ruby Wax and similar pointless entities or questions
WTF- what the fuck/why the face,
depending on who's reading
Yoke- to strike, to punch, to physically remind someone to behave
Young Un- older or younger sister or brother, siblings- it makes no odds on sex or age, they’re all “young ‘uns
YTS- Young, thick and stupid scheme, youth labour, pretend apprenticeship
Yoke- to strike, to punch, to physically remind someone to behave
Young Un- older or younger sister or brother, siblings- it makes no odds on sex or age, they’re all “young ‘uns
YTS- Young, thick and stupid scheme, youth labour, pretend apprenticeship
