Friday, 28 July 2017

News Thump

Donald Trump ready for PGA championship
Trump’s golf coach has reassured supporters that he has put in enough practice to be ready to compete at the PGA championship when it starts on August 10th.
Having tried various careers including a businessman, beauty pageant judge, reality TV host, female genital grabber and most recently devoting his time to destroying America’s global reputation, it seems that becoming a professional golfer is next on the list of jobs for the bloated orange Warthog to attempt.
Since his inauguration in January Donald Trump has spent 40 days on various golf courses, which is more than another other President had done this far into their first term, and which many believe puts him in good stead to turn pro within a few years.
Close friend and coach Chuck Williams told us, “Donald has always loved golf, and since childhood has dreamed of one day joining the PGA tour.
“It’s no secret that he’s been putting in a lot of practice – and the American population should be reassured by this as it shows the level of commitment he has towards anything he puts his mind to.”
He explained “Donald used to criticise Obama – who was born in Kenya, whatever the fake news would have you believe – for spending a lot of time on the golf course but then Obama was just wasting time because he wasn’t any good.
“But for Donald, this is a serious endeavour, and he’s going to show you just how good he is at everything, including golf.”
Presidential runner up Hillary Clinton welcomed the news, saying “The sooner he is out on the golf course full-time, the better for everyone.
“I was worried at first that he might not be good enough to turn pro, but then he always has his tried and tested method of bribing anyone necessary to achieve his goals, so no worries on that front.”
NT

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