Friday, 9 June 2017

News Thump

Ukip celebrations have been cut short after they discovered the exit polls carried out during today’s general election are nothing to do with the repatriation of the UK’s Polish community.
Despite being a spent force since the Brexit vote, the ailing party were confident of a resurgence in popularity after hearing details of exit polls would be released once voting closed.
“Exit Poles is a great idea and shows that Ukip is still driving the debate on immigration!” said a party spokesman.
“We’ll also be pushing for exit Romanians, exit Bulgarians and exit Kardashians.
“Our message is to go back to Kardashia or wherever it is you come from.”
Shortly after 10pm, Ukip leader Paul Nuttall described the polls as an “establishment stitch-up” and claimed “people who don’t understand what things mean have been cruelly misled.”
“This is plain and simply backsliding,” he said.
“You can’t just spell things differently and expect to get away with it!”
The party have since suffered a further blow after learning that the Muslim world is not an actual place and it’s not possible to deport people there.
NT

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