Thursday, 1 June 2017

News Thump

Roman Catholics worldwide are today reeling following the Pope’s shock decree that condoms might not be such a bad idea after all, particularly if it means the possibility of preventing the birth of temperamentally unstable narcissists like Donald Trump.
After prayerful consideration following Trump’s visit to the Vatican, and a fair amount of common sense, the esteemed head of the Roman Catholic Church announced to his stunned followers that condoms and other forms of contraception are now totally acceptable for use as they could potentially minimise the chance of conceiving future maniacal tyrants with tiny fingers and restless, grabby hands.
Speaking in a live television broadcast from the Vatican he announced, “Even the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s wasn’t quite enough to make us change our traditional stance on contraception, but meeting Donald Trump in person? That sealed the deal.”
His Holiness continued, “Whilst it is true that every sperm has the potential to create life and is therefore sacred, it is worth considering that some sperm has the potential to create an absolutely monstrous narcissist hell-bent on world domination.”
He added, “Just think, if only Fred and Mary Anne Trump had popped a rubber johnny on when they got down to it on that fateful evening around 71 years ago, the world would be facing a much brighter future now.
“Also, condoms are not as messy as the traditional withdrawal method, which will come as a relief to Roman Catholic ladies worldwide who are fed up with being glazed like an iced bun at the climax of intercourse.”
NT

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