Tuesday, 2 May 2017

News Thump

banks at skegness beach
Britain's banks are having a lovely day on the beach at Skegness for their holiday.
The day started well when they all set off in the car at half past seven this morning, but ran into difficulty when they ran out of petrol and had to ask passers-by to chip in to refill the tank.
Although the day isn’t as sunny as they might like, reports indicate that Natwest has already won the knobbly knees competition, and Deutsche Bank has gone on a donkey ride.
However, trouble may be brewing as a result of Royal Bank of Scotland and Lloyds taking savers money to the amusement arcade and losing £47bn on the fruit machines.
“The losses were the unavoidable effect of fluctuations on the reels,” we were told.
“Nobody could have foreseen that we wouldn’t get three oranges and win the money back if we kept playing.
“We’re hoping the Bank of England will help us out yet again.”
However, Bank of America Merrill Lynch is also facing difficulty after the ‘utterly indestructible’ sandcastle they built was swept away by the first tide and they had to be rescued by a taxpayer-funded lifeboat.
Observers suggest a lot of difficulty might have been avoided if the financial services authority had spend the day in the lifeguard tower like they’re supposed to, instead of snoozing in a deck chair with a hanky over their face.

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