Thursday, 11 May 2017

Good Ploy

A Southend family with the surname Hopkins has revealed that they have changed it by deed poll to Twatface in an attempt to avoid any further embarrassment. 
Mother Katie Twatface told our Chief Reporter that she was sick of being punched in the face every time she gave her name in a hotel.
She added: ‘Every time I used to say my name, I would get physically assaulted and verbally abused or laughed at.’
‘This has all stopped since I became a Twatface, and my kids are thriving in school as well.’
‘I was getting a new bank account opened in Natwest last month, and the experience was the last straw for me.’
‘As soon as I gave my old name the girl tore one of those chained pens away from the counter and stabbed me fifteen times.’
‘After four hours of emergency surgery, I called a lawyer and he arranged the paperwork.’
Little Jessica and Naomi Twatface’s headteacher Miriam Throllope told us that the constant cases of playground bullying stopped virtually overnight.
She said: ‘To be honest it was bad enough having the kids ganging up on them, but a few months ago the teachers started giving them crafty digs as well.’
‘Since they changed their name to Twatface, everyone has just sort of left them alone and allowed them to get on with their lives.’
The news comes after another local Katie Hopkins changed her name to Katie Fucknugget-Rusthole in 2014 to escape what she described as ‘inhuman levels of abuse.’

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