Monday, 1 May 2017

At Last

Tottenham Hotspur chairman Daniel Levy has announced that a special Bank Holiday Monday open top bus parade will take place around Edmonton to commemorate finishing above Arsenal for the first time in 22 years. 
Levy also announced that everyone attending would receive a special voucher for 10% off the official 14-DVD box set of Sunday’s 2-0 victory over Arsenal.
An Evening with Gary Mabbutt will soon tour the UK to commemorate the achievement.
He added: ‘I’m too choked up to speak, it’s amazing. My whole life has been leading up to this moment.’
‘We used to take the piss out of Arsenal fans for celebrating finishing above Tottenham and fuck all else but Christ! This is better than an orgasm after a double reacharound.’
Lifelong Spurs fan and minicab driver Spangli Tonidis said: ‘It’s the most amazing feeling in the history of feelings.’
‘Overcoming Wycombe in the cup was pretty special and I never thought it could get any better but wow. Just wow.’
‘In many ways I would take this over the league title any day of the week. In fact, if we top the table we should give the trophy back and concede to Chelsea as this monumental achievement shouldn’t come second to anything.’
A spokesperson for Tottenham Borough Council confirmed that a 7-day period of celebration officially begins on Bank Holiday Monday.
Shortly after the game, answering questions about his Arsenal future, manager Arsène Wenger confirmed that he will stay at the club until at least 2078.
He said: ‘Mugabe ain’t got shit on me. Ain’t no poppin’ this motherfucker.’
SNN

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