Paedophiles not in possession of a dirty white van full of cute puppies represent a low risk to the public, police have confirmed.
Those who view indecent images, but are not committed enough to keep a van full of dogs like on the Andrex advert should instead be rehabilitated, according to experts.
Police Superintendent, Simon Williams, said, “Viewing images is a terrible crime, but driving around in a van that has failed its MOT shows you are up to no good.
“Owning a white van or small dog immediately puts you in the mid to high-risk category.
“However, low-risk paedophiles clog up jails when they could be doing useful work in the community, such as priesting or working in charity shops.
Meanwhile, a sceptical public has asked the police to clarify what exactly the fuck is meant by the term “low-risk paedophile.”
Williams responded, “A low-risk paedophile tends to avoid areas like parks or pelican crossings, preferring to spend his time indoors, usually on a Playstation.
“They may shun the traditional dirty mac and dress in apparently normal fashion, though with a bib to capture any drool.”
He concluded, “Listen pal, we jail all of these people, we’d have to shut down the BBC and I, for one, was hoping to catch the next instalment of SS-GB.”NT