Saturday, 11 March 2017

News Thump x 2

Katie Hopkins
Katie Hopkins has been officially declared a lying twat, as opposed to being just colloquially referred to as such.
The face that Hitler would have wanked to was ordered to pay £24,000 in libel damages to blogger, Jack Monroe, after falsely claiming the blogger had defaced a war memorial.
“Full of shit,” beamed journalist, Simon Williams.
“We can print that now, isn’t it wonderful?
“She is officially a bullshitting, batshit crazy, agitatious pile of wank.
“Actually we probably can’t print most of that, I’ll need to take another run at it, but the principle will remain.
“Lovely day anyway, and the best part is that she’s had to pay for it.”
Judge, Jay Cooper, said, “I normally muse long and hard over these libel cases.
“But the defendant in this case was Katie Hopkins, so it took me about four minutes and then I took a long lunch.”

Katie Hopkins libel defeat
After losing a libel case for lies she wrote on Twitter, Katie Hopkins lawyers have advised her to put all future untruths on the side of a bus.
Hopkins must pay £24,000 to food writer Jack Monroe, after it was proven that tweets written by Hopkins caused “serious harm” to her reputation, as apparently we need the courts now to show how harmful Hopkins’ bile has become.
Legal expert Simon Williams told us, “If you want to make stuff up, and not be held accountable for what you write – then Twitter really isn’t for you – a big red bus is what you need.
“I’m sure if Katie Hopkins had written about Jack Monroe on a bus, and then driven it around the capital we wouldn’t have found ourselves where we are today.”
The news has led to thousands of Twitter users pleading with Katie Hopkins to Tweet about them, in the hope that her tenuous grasp of the truth could be worth a few quid.
Twitter users Dave Smith told us, “Katie Hopkins is a truly awful human being, obviously, but her money is as good as anyone’s – so if she wants to use her Twitter account to imply that I bum dogs, then she should go for it.
“I’d just ask her to hurry up, as I want to buy a new car for the summer.”

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