Monday, 27 March 2017

Daily Mash

A FATHER attempting to get his daughters into Catholic school told the admissions board that the Pope is ‘fucking ace’. 
Stephen Malley of Portsmouth is hoping his clear enthusiasm for the religion will conceal his rustiness on the basics and win his two children places at the superior local primary.
He continued: “I mean this new guy is just the boss, isn’t he? Nothing against the one before, he was a cracking Pope, but this Francis fella is kicking arse.
“It’s like a proclamation here, some compassion here, making new saints, he’s got the lot covered. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s not performing loads of miracles he’s too humble to brag about.
“I’ve been Catholic my whole life obviously, but there’s just so much new energy in it now. Really given the old church its bollocks back.
“Honestly we were going to take the girls to Rome to see him last year but there weren’t any deals, so we did a fortnight in Malaga.”
Deputy headteacher Joseph Turner said: “He knows nothing about Catholicism and clearly hasn’t been to church in years. But he really loves the Pope, so fuck it.”
DM

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