Monday, 20 February 2017

News Thump

Terrorist organisation ISIS today claimed responsibility for the terrorist attack that happened in Donald Trump’s head last night.
In a statement issued through Al Jazeera, the terror group claimed to have “struck at very the moment Trump took to the stage, placing a previously unimaginable atrocity at the front of the President’s mind.”
The statement continued, “Gone are the days of explosions, guns and trucks, now we focus our energies on creating horrific attacks inside the imagination of mentally unstable world leaders.
“There is no defence. You will never know when we will strike next, except to say you will hear it from the podium at a Trump rally, or from his Twitter account.
“Placing an attack this size in the mind of the US President takes skill, planning and complete commitment from our followers – oh, and a weak mind to play with, obviously.
“We were also behind the Bowling Green Massacre, in case you didn’t realise, but that was just a trial run – Sweden was the big one.”
White House officials have backed ISIS’ claims, saying it is further proof that travel must be restricted from any nation capable of fabricating an attack inside the President’s head.
A spokesperson explained, “Inside the President’s head many terrible things are happening, terrible things. Lots of people are saying so. It is up to us to take any steps necessary to prevent these many terrible things happening in his imagination.
“Any. Steps. Necessary.”
NT

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