Thursday, 2 February 2017

News Thump

Budweiser is so piss-weak it has been classified as a fruit juice in the latest round of EU regulations.
The manufacturers claim that the drink is a ‘beer’ has been challenged by lawmakers, who insist anything which looks like it came out of a donkey is unlikely to pass muster.
Listing the essential criteria for being recognised as a beer for licensing purposes, which includes taste, appearance and alcohol content, experts conceded that it didn’t meet any of them but could be added to the list of approved cleaning fluids if the brewers agreed.
Bud, which is regarded by many in its American homeland as a worryingly strong intoxicant, narrowly missed out on being recognised as an energy drink by the commission due to not containing enough caffeine.
“Budweiser is what you drink if you want to look like you’re drinking, but maybe can’t metabolise alcohol or suffer from chronic brewers droop or just don’t like the taste of actual, proper beer,” said Simon Williams of the Commission on Look Stop taking the Piss America, this Shit isn’t Beer and You Aren’t Fooling Anyone.
“Any liquid which looks and tastes identical coming out as it does going in isn’t Beer, or even Lager. The Carling Declaration is very clear on that point.
“Until you make something which a normal, sane human being can recognise as being the product of water, hops and yeast you’re going in the same column as Apple Juice, Michelob and Tizer.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get a pint of Bud Lite. Out of the kitchen tap.”
NT

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