Monday, 16 January 2017

News Thump


Snow UK
Much of England is in a state of terrified confusion after undergoing a light fall of snow last night.
The frozen precipitation, which scientists claim to be a natural, regular occurrence, led to panic buying of food, chaos on the roads, and isolated outbreaks of cannibalism in remote areas such as Kettering.
As ever, Local Authorities have been criticised for failing to predict that it might get cold in winter.
“A council worker seeing snow is like a caveman encountering fire in The Land That Time Forgot,” said Meteorologist Simon Williams.
“They shambled forwards, uncertain but intrigued at this strange new phenomenon, before recoiling again, grunting in primal terror at this horrible new experience.
“The only difference is that the caveman wasn’t signed off with stress for a couple of months.”
When other parts of the country pointed out that “snow” is actually something that happens pretty much every year at round about this time, England replied, “La la la we’re not listening.”
NT

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