Thursday, 26 January 2017

Back to Square One

51.9% of Britain has decided that the whole EU referendum thing was a complete and utter waste of fucking time after it emerged that some hedge fund manager or whatever was able to invoke a legal thing to force MPs to have a vote first. 
In the Supreme Court earlier today, some people in wigs decided that the 23rd June referendum was more of an opinion poll, in the same manner as The Sun may run a Twitter vote about who has the better tits between Jodie Marsh and Katie Price. 
Although leader of the opposition Jeremy Corbyn has already confirmed that he doesn’t intend to be a dick about it and tell Labour MPs to block Brexit, he hinted that he will insist on a number of amendments to the Article 50 Bill that should add approximately 67 years to the time needed for negotiations. 
During the announcement at the Supreme Court, a reporter asked ‘What about Scotland and Wales.’ Senior Judge Lord Wiggly Wiggington replied: ‘What about them? It’s not like they are real countries anyway.’
Gina Miller launched the original legal proceedings to force a vote in Parliament, and she told Southend News Network that every citizen of the UK has the same potential to take such a case to the High Court or the Supreme Court. 
She said: ‘It was really all rather reasonable in the end. OK I will have to cut back on the Waitrose Feta and Mushroom Ni├žoise Salads for a while, but it was money well spent.’
‘I think I’ll try and Trump kicked out next over the Atlantic. What do voters know anyway? If you thought that Brexit voters were thick as shit you ain’t seen nothing yet.’
As a result of the ruling, police in London have confirmed that security around the Article 50 Button under a desk within Whitehall has been stepped up after a number of people tried to sneak in and press it. 
A spokesperson for Boris Johnson said that the Foreign Secretary has accidentally pressed it three times already while trying to get his shoes on. 

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