Children in Need has raised a record-breaking £46.6m, which is enough to refurbish one-eighth of Buckingham Palace.
The astonishing amount, which is roughly £60m less than 650 MPs claim in expenses every year, will go towards providing vital assistance to children who should already be receiving it.
Prime Minister Theresa May congratulated the charity on raising a sum of money equivalent to 0.046% of what it will cost to renew a nuclear programme that deters absolutely fuck all.
“This government will do all that it can to help charities prosper,” she said.
“Events like Children in Need wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t for our tireless work in ensuring that those who are most in need go without.
“We really are the unsung heroes.”NT