Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Soya Bean Counters

Wafer thin ham
Slices of thin-cut ham are to be accepted as legal tender in the place of £5 notes, the Bank of England has confirmed.
The ham, which vegetarians and vegans claim contains animal products, will be accepted by banks and major shops from December 1st, just in time for Christmas shopping.
Experts predict the average weekly shop for a family of four will cost £120, or eight chunky slices of gammon and a Scotch egg.
Bank of England chairman Mark Carney defended the decision, but said that he intended to go ‘the whole hog’ with his monetary policy decisions.
However, vegan groups have expressed anger over the announcement and insisted that using organic kale and quinoa flavour textured corn chips in place of fifty pence pieces would make more economic sense.
A petition demanding that banks stop accepting slices of ham, rashers of bacon and Greggs ‘pink goo’ sausage rolls in place of money has already gathered over 5,000 signatures, meaning that it will achieve precisely nothing.
Since the announcement, a unique slice of Waitrose premium ham with a pattern that looks a bit like a cash machine on it has already been put on sale to collectors for £500.
NT

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