Monday, 28 November 2016

Old Fashioned

Researchers claim that honesty is barely clinging to a place in the top ten best policies, according to a new study published today.
After a six-month study of the policies adopted by many high-profile, successful people, it was discovered that not only was honesty no longer the ‘best’ policy, in many cases, it was proved to be spectacularly harmful.
Lead researcher Dr Simon Williams explained, “Honesty has long been believed to be the best policy, but 2016 has shown that other policies can bear significant fruit.
“The entire Brexit campaign, Donald Trump, the bastards that make Toblerone – there’s not an honest bone amongst them, but they’ve all flourished enormously.
“So my team and I took to studying which policies actually work, and where honesty should realistically sit in the overall list of potential policies.
“Honesty is now in eighth place, just behind ‘misdirection’ and ‘outright denial’.
“The best policy is ‘make something up’, with the more outrageous the lie, the more successful it will be. Things like ‘I will put Hillary in prison’ or ‘Let’s give £350m a week to the NHS’, for example.”
Williams explained that they also looked into situations where a lack of honesty can be particularly beneficial.
He continued, “We found that the more high-profile you are, or the greater the societal influence your statement will have, the more important a lack of honesty becomes.
“If you’re telling your wife you were working late when you were actually in the pub watching the football with your mates, you’ll likely be caught and punished.
“But if you lied to an entire nation about the benefits of voting to leave an economic and political union, something that will affect people’s lives for the next twenty years, you’ll probably be revered and make friends with the most powerful billionaire on the planet, before getting a cushy new job to go with it.
“Honesty no longer pays, at all. Sorry.”
NT

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