Monday, 31 October 2016

C & H

Calvin and Hobbes

Said and Done

Big week for

West Ham’s rebrand – delivered this summer as part of “the most successful stadium migration in history”. Karren Brady told an industry event on 5 October how the image values upgrade “has really had a dynamic impact on the things we can do”.
 Her measure of success: “We’re ranked 15th in terms of brand values. We were 115th when I joined.” Another measure: E20 Stadium officials confirming they’re “actively in the market for a naming rights partner” after Mahindra Group withdrew.

Plus: due an edit

West Ham’s film of the move, as trailed by Brady at the same industry event. “We’re making a movie called Iron Men. It’s about the transition of the values and the history of West Ham supporters from the Boleyn to the London Stadium.”

Most upbeat

Uefa’s internal inquiry team – investigating the €4m loan Uefa gave Slovenia’s FA in 2015 to invest in a betting firm. Their findings: “The loan was entirely in accordance with standard Uefa procedures.” President Aleksander Ceferin – in charge of Slovenia’s FA at the time – says allegations around the loan were “mosquito bites” put about to hurt him. “The loan was as clean as possible.”

Also last week from the football family

1) Spain’s FA resisting claims that they spent public money intended for 2010 Haiti earthquake aid on FA expenses instead. Government officials allege €176,000 of the €219,500 grant for a football school was “diverted”; sports minister Miguel Cardenal: “We have asked them to return it. The federation does not want to.”
2) Former Peru FA head Manuel Burga facing extradition to the US this week on racketeering charges, which he denies. Among his best moments: 2011 – giving his re-election victory speech while a colleague’s phone played The Godfathertheme in the background; and 2010 - laying into six Peru players who hired prostitutes at a casino after a defeat: “There’s so much hypocrisy from these players. The saying is true: a tree born crooked will never grow straight.”
And 3) Bolivia FA secretary Walter Torrico resigning after being placed under house arrest for “pretending to be a lawyer”. Officials say Torrico posed as an attorney “without any qualifications”; Torrico – also accused of “laundering illicit profits” – denies wrongdoing.
 Torrico set out his vision for a clean-up last year after seeing FA president Carlos Chavez remanded in custody on organised crime charges, which he denies. “Our game is in ashes, so it’s time to set a new course, standing up for the common good.”

Other news: best timing

Coventry City - still deflecting fan protests against owners Sisu, and backing the League’s “Enjoy the Match” campaign with this message: “Here at Coventry City we want our fans to have the best possible experience on a matchday, and leave smiling, no matter the result.”

Kicking it out

Spain: Castilla-La Mancha’s FA, assessing whether a player who called a black CD Bargas opponent a “shit monkey” was being racist: “The phrase is, in the literal sense, unrelated to racism or xenophobia … Therefore it cannot be classed as intended to disparage or demean a particular ethnic group.” Bargas – who allege the insult came with “accompanying monkey gestures” - plan to appeal.

Best UKIP moment

Argentina: Velez Sarsfield president Raúl Gamez denying he punched FA vice-president Jorge Medin in a row over TV cash while shouting “I’ll break your head, you don’t fuck with Velez”: “Yes I barged into his office, I was emotional - but it was just a debate. Let’s move on.”

Manager news: last week’s movers

 9 Oct: Grimsby’s Paul Hurst shrugs off links with Shrewsbury: “I know nothing about those links. I’m manager of Grimsby Town, trying to do the best I can here. I can assure you, I’m not thinking of anything other than Grimsby Town.” 24 Oct:Joins Shrewsbury.
 11 Oct: MK Dons manager Karl Robinson reflects on talks with owner Pete Winkleman, 12 days before being sacked. “We had a meeting yesterday about what we’re going to do in January and how exciting that can be moving forward. The chairman was fantastic... he knows the results will turn.”
 29 Sept: Wolves director Jeff Shi on coach Walter Zenga: “Walter is very passionate. Walter shows the passion to the fans and they love him. They also write a song for him! In this area he did something out of my expectation.” 25 Oct: Sacks him.
 And a non-mover – 12 Oct: Egypt’s Zamalek SC coach Moamen Soliman previews the Caf Champions League final: “If we lose this I’ll resign. And I’ll do it by phone in order not to embarrass anyone.” 23 Oct: Loses it 3-1. “Now we fight for the title.”

Most relaxed

Roma coach Luciano Spallettiheadbutting his press conference desk four times after being asked about the atmosphere. “Who sent you? Tell me who sent you. Why are you here? What do you mean? You want to ask the same old stuff? Mamma mia. Incredible scenes.”

Faster fingers

@halesowentownfc’s live coverage midweek: “54mins 0-0 Delaney shoots wife after Anderson feeds him the ball #HALvTAM.”

Plus: most maligned

Argentina: Atlético Patronato defender Jonathan Ferrari, upset over claims he hosted an “excessive orgy” for team-mates on his balcony, with police breaking it up at 6am. “It’s lies. People look at my past and think I’m still the same. Sure, the police shouted at us - but they didn’t come in.”


Turning the clocks back one hour is a cynical attempt by the government to keep us in the EU for longer, insist right-wing fuckwits.
Leave voters claim that by the time you even notice your clock is out by one hour; Syria will have already joined the EU.
Critics of the clock change, who number fifty-two percent of the population, insist that the thousand migrant kiddies waiting to enter Britain can now do so under cover of darkness.
Meanwhile, Brexiters have been forced to reset the timer on their Brexit Countdown Clock apps – available for iPhone and Android platforms.
Brexit voter, Simon Williams, said, “Every single hour an honest British worker loses his job to a dirty, foreign rapist who’s better qualified, multilingual and attracted to your daughter.
“Brexit means Brexit, not Brexit plus one hour.
“On the positive side, Theresa May has an extra hour to put things right.”
But Remain voter, Adrian Borland, said, “Last spring you lost an hour. Get over it.”

For Real- 3

"In Your Heart You Know He's Right" (Barry Goldwater, Republican)

'In Your Heart You Know He's Right' (Barry Goldwater, Republican)
During his campaign, Goldwater received plenty of criticism from the media and opposition candidates saying he had extremist views. This slogan was used to combat the negative publicity and attempt to make the point that his views were not that different from most ordinary Americans, but doesn't it also give you the vibe that liking him was something you should be ashamed of? (Source | Photo)

"In Your Guts You Know He's Nuts" (Lyndon Johnson, Democrat)

'In Your Guts You Know He's Nuts' (Lyndon Johnson, Democrat)
"In your guts you know he's nuts," and "in your heart you know he's right... far-right," and the Johnson campaign ad featuring a little girl pulling petals off a daisy while a nuclear countdown commenced never mentioned Goldwater, but the implication was clear that electing him would risk starting World War III. (Source | Photo)

"Ma, Ma, Where's my Pa, Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha" (James Blaine, Republican)

'Ma, Ma, Where's my Pa, Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha' (James Blaine, Republican)
A former Speaker of the House and a Republican Senator from Maine, James G. Blaine, ran against the former mayor of Buffalo and the then current governor of New York, Grover Cleveland, in 1884. 

The campaign was extremely bitter and focused on the candidates' shortcomings. (Sound familiar?) Years earlier, Cleveland had fathered an illegitimate child, but had taken full financial responsibility for his offspring and publicly acknowledged that he had made a mistake. Republican opponents, however, kept the matter in the public eye by chanting, "Ma, Ma, where's my Pa?"

Blaine was a family man but had apparently engaged in questionable investment schemes while on the public payroll. Much of the campaign furor revolved around the difference between private and public misdeeds. Democratic partisans used the refrain, "Blaine, Blaine, James G. Blaine, the continental liar from the state of Maine!"

Despite his indiscretions, Cleveland won, and his opponents changed the slogan to, "Ma, Ma, where's my Pa? Gone to the White House. Ha, ha, ha." Okay, none of these slogans roll off the tongue, but we suppose they got the point across. 
(Source | Photo)

"Truman Was Screwy To Build A Porch For Dewey" (Thomas E. Dewey, Democrat)

'Truman Was Screwy To Build A Porch For Dewey' (Thomas E. Dewey, Democrat)
Why was Truman screwy to build a porch for Dewey? Did Dewey stiff him on labor? Did he not have the right permits? In truth, the slogan refers to a porch (or balcony) that Truman added to the White House in 1947, part of a larger renovation which continued through 1952. Dewey's supporters were certain of their candidate's victory in 1948, hence the reason why Truman was "screwy." (Source | Photo)

For Real- 2

"Jeb!" (Jeb Bush, Republican)

'Jeb!' (Jeb Bush, Republican)
Poor Jeb Bush — he couldn't really get a foothold in the 2016 presidential election. Maybe it was this terrible logo/slogan, which was simply his name with an exclamation point. Just... Jeb! Whatever it was, the Internet had a field day: 


"Vote For Al Smith And Make Your Wet Dreams Come True" (Al Smith, Democrat)

'Vote For Al Smith And Make Your Wet Dreams Come True' (Al Smith, Democrat)
It's no fault of Al Smith's campaign that language takes on a different meaning over time. In the 1920s, proponents of the nationwide prohibition against the sale, manufacture, and transportation of alcohol were called “drys,” while opponents, like 1928 presidential candidate Smith, were called “wets." So, get your mind out of the gutter! (Source | Photo)

"I'll Do My Best, But I Can't Promise Anything" (Jun Jun Sotto, Philippines)

'I'll Do My Best, But I Can't Promise Anything' (Jun Jun Sotto, Philippines)
We don't know for sure if Filipino politician Jun Jun Sotto won whatever political post he was shooting for, but we do know that we've never seen a more honest campaign slogan. (Source)

For Real- 1

"They Can't Lick Our Dick" (Richard Nixon, Republican)

'They Can't Lick Our Dick' (Richard Nixon, Republican)
One of the more humorous, historic and unofficial campaign slogans was used on at least four different buttons for Richard Nixon in the early '70s. Another classic, "Don't change Dicks in the midst of a screw, vote for Nixon in '72," was also part of the election vernacular. Double entendres everywhere! (Source)

"With Jews We Lose" (Robert Ransdell, Independent)

'With Jews We Lose' (Robert Ransdell, Independent)
In the "what-the-hell-was-he-thinking" category, Robert Ransdell, an Independent candidate running for U.S. Senate, placed the offensive signs around northern Kentucky during his 2014 campaign. 

The University of Kentucky got more than it bargained for when it invited Ransdell to speak during its Constitution Day festivities — he had his speech cut off when it veered into racist territory. The candidate considers himself a white separatist and believes "that there is no such thing as racial equality. You see that in our cities every day." (Source)

"AU H20" (Barry Goldwater, Republican)

'AU H20' (Barry Goldwater, Republican)
It might be a bit unclear unless you remember your basic high school chemistry — "AU" stands for gold, and "H2O" is water. Goldwater, get it? 

Barry Goldwater was the Republican presidential nominee who ran against, and was defeated by, incumbent President Lyndon B. Johnson in 1964. AUH2O is still used as a political slogan by conservatives who espouse centrist and libertarian views, as opposed to those of the "religious right" aspect of the GOP. (Source | Photo)


Well Said

I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand.
Sir Edward Appleton
English atmospheric physicist (1892 - 1965)

Heads or Tails?


There's a method for deconstructing big decisions to make them seem less daunting and easier to comprehend.
Almost like transforming it into smaller, more manageable, monthly questions.
The method is known as 'Descartes' Square', named after the 17th century French philosopher René Descartes (think, 'I think, therefore I am').
When faced with a decision regarding whether or not do complete an action, get a piece of paper, divide it in four, and write one of the following bullet points in each quadrant.
  • What will happen if this happens?
  • What will happen if this doesn’t happen?
  • What won’t happen if this happens?
  • What won’t happen if this doesn’t happen?
Now write the answers you come up with to each question in the quadrant.
The visual layout helps to see all of the points, and it prevents you getting stuck on the first problem - like people often do.
Voila. The consequences of your decision will become clearer instantly.

Record Breakers

Halloween comes and goes each autumn, but these Guinness World Records last all year long (until someone sets a new one, that is). Here are 10 spooky, seasonal, and festive feats worth remembering.


Think you’re a huge Tim Burton fan? Meet William Wong, a Hong Kong native who owns the world’s largest collection of The Nightmare Before Christmas memorabilia. Wong enjoyed the 1993 stop-motion classic so much that he’s spent the past 20 years collecting clothing, jewelry, dolls, books, kitchen appliances, and other pieces of memorabilia inspired by the film. The super-fan even owns a rare copy of the film’s official style guide.
In 2014, Wong received a Guinness World Record for his collection of 2020 items, which he showcases in a storefront he rents near his house. We’re sure it’s grown even more since then (although we don’t know how he’s going to top his The Nightmare Before Christmas toilet roll holder).


The world’s largest candy—a 3527-pound butterscotch sweet made by Norwegian confectionary company Nidar in 1997—could have probably satisfied the sweet tooth of every candy-craving child in Scandinavia. It was an oversize version of Nidar’s popular Smorbukk Butter Caramels, and measured 5 feet long and 5 feet wide. Now, if only someone could make the world’s largest Halloween candy pail …


Don’t sneak up on Jill Drake. In 2000, Drake, a teaching assistant from Kent, England, participated in a screaming competition in London’s Millennium Dome. Her screeching hit 129 decibels (around 10 decibels quieter than a jet engine taking off), and set a Guinness record for “loudest scream by an individual.” Drake’s impressive vocal cords ended up catching the attention of Disney, who invited her to travel to Los Angeles and scream for an hour to promote the park's then-scariest ride: The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror.


In 2010, cult classic film The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) turned 35. To honor the occasion, 8239 fans of the movie gathered to recreate its signature dance at the West Hollywood Halloween Carnival, setting a world record for the largest "Time Warp" dance.


Milan Lukich Valdivia de Tacna, Perú tiene la mayor colección de envolturas de caramelos con 5065 de 49 países

For Milan Lukich Valdivia, the best part of a piece of candy is its foil, paper, or plastic covering. Valdivia, who hails from Tacna, Peru, spent more than 30 years amassing thousands of candy wrappers from all over the world. As of December 2015, he owned the world's largest collection of them—5065 of them, to be precise, including ones from 49 countries.


Lots of people are afraid of clowns, but Ortrud Kastaun, a woman from Essen, Germany, loves them. She was officially recognized for owning the world’s largest assemblage of model clowns—2053 individual figurines, to be exact—in October 2011.
Kastaun, who’s in her mid-60s, began collecting clowns nearly 20 years ago. Eventually, her hoard grew so large that she had to move to a larger apartment to house them all. Kastaun even established a home museum so visitors could see the smiling, red-nosed dolls for themselves.
While some consider clowns to be sinister, Kastaun—a recovering alcoholic—views them as a deeply personal talisman. Long ago, while in therapy, she was piecing a puzzle together of a jack-in-the-box clown, and “something just clicked,” Kastaun told Guinness World Records. She’s collected—and loved—them ever since.


Watch the world's heaviest pumpkin, weighing 1190.5 kg

Currently, the world record for heaviest pumpkin officially belongs to a lopsided—yet massive—squash grown by Beni Meier of Switzerland. The 2323-pound pumpkin stole the show at the Belgium Giant Pumpkin European Championship in Ludwigsburg, in October 2014. But another big pumpkin—and its grower—might soon steal Meier’s title: Earlier this October, a Belgian man named Mathias Willemijns took home the grand prize from the same annual event after he displayed a 2624-pound pumpkin.


Singapore ain’t afraid of no ghosts. On June 12, 2016, Sony Pictures hosted a red carpet promotional event for 2016’s Ghostbusters reboot at the city’s Marina Bay Sands hotel. The occasion included appearances by leading lady Melissa McCarthy and director Paul Feig, but its highlight was when 263 individuals dressed as spooky specters convened to set the Guinness World Record for Largest Gathering of People Dressed as Ghosts.


Typically, it’s only practical to buy—and wear—one Halloween costume, but if you’re Avery Chin and Sylvia Lim, all bets are off. In September 2016, the two magicians, who originally hail from Malaysia, broke the Guinness World Record for the “most costume change illusions in one minute.” Sylvia changed 18 times, and wore 19 different outfits—beating the previously held record (set by other Malaysian magicians only a few weeks prior) by two ensembles.


This one isn’t officially in the books quite yet, but this past October, a man named Rick Swensonfrom Fergus Falls, Minnesota tried to set a Guinness record for the longest distance paddling in a pumpkin. He sailed a hollowed-out, 1100-pound squash for 26 miles along the state’s Red River, and the journey took him 13 hours, 40 minutes. That being said, the boater has some competition. Another man, Todd Sandstrum from Easton, Massachusetts, is also vying for the record: In September, he paddled a 1240-pound pumpkin for eight miles down the local Taunton River.