Wednesday, 31 October 2012

C & H

Calvin and Hobbes


Avocados have the most calories of any other fruit.

On Me Heid

A woman is poised to sue to Highland Games organisers after she was hit by a throwing hammer.

She was assisting the judging of a dance competition at the Isle of Skye Games when the 28lb hammer flew through the tent and slammed into her side, catapulting her from her seat and leaving her with severe brusing to her ribs.

She is now speaking to solicitors as she fears someone could be killed if the games are not changed.


Shoppers spent more than £365 million in the last year on mushrooms- up 3.8% on the previous year, and a record high, making it the nation's second most popular vegetable after potatoes and tomatoes, according to new figures.

Some 118 000 tonnes of mushrooms were sold last year, according to Kantar World Panel.

All well and good but if they are behind potatoes and tomatoes, surely that would make them the third best selling veg?


The most common disease is tooth decay.

Even Newer Scotland Yard

The current headquarters of Britain's biggest Plod Farce at New Scotland Yard could be sold as part of sweeping budget cuts of more than £500 million, it has emerged.

The Metropolitan Dibble announced surprise plans to sell the leading central London landmark, which has been its home for almost half a century.  Senior officers said the Farce could save up to £6.5 million a year by moving to a smaller building around the corner.

The radical fire-sale plans are part of drastic budget cuts that will also involve axing dozens of Doughnut Factories and buildings across the capital.  Plans to close another five Cop Shops have been approved so far and there are proposals to shut 61 ''front counter'' services.

New Scotland Yard has been in its current location in Victoria Street since 1967 and its building, complete with its revolving sign, is considered one of the capital's most recognisable landmarks.

Boss Burds

As modern women focus on their careers and often nudge their husbands out as the main bread winner, it might have been thought that they would have loosened their grip on the family's purse strings.  But they are increasingly taking charge of traditional male household decisions such as choosing the family car, which pension provider or utility firms to choose and where to go on holiday.

Not only that, but they also have to contend with modern husbands, who are much more likely to fritter money away rather than save it, a study by the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) has found.

Women are typically the "alpha" partner in a relationship and are the ones who instigate financial decisions and carry out the research, the study found.  Men, meanwhile, tend to be the "beta" partners and although they provide some input into financial decision-making they take “relatively low level of responsibility” compared to the alpha females.

More at TTel


The most common injury in ten pin bowling is a sore thumb.

Blowing Shit Up

After an increase in popularity for Halloween, manufacturers of fireworks have been urged to make them more dangerous in a bid to relcaim Guy Fawkes rightful position as the number one festival of fear.

Changes in legislation and organisation of bonfire nights over the last 20 years has meant a vast reduction in the number of deaths and injuries in Britain, and this has significantly diluted its appeal.

Gary Notlob, from the action group Pyromaniacs4Good, remembers the days when Bonfire Night was real theatre.

“Average attendance to firework displays were huge when there was a real risk of being maimed. I fear we’re being overtaken by Halloween as the preferred festival of terror.”

“There’s nothing more entertaining than watching a chav who is throwing batteries into a bonfire get set alight by an errant spark. There is no fancy dress outfit that can top it.”

Bonfire night

Some ideas that have emerged have been to fill Catherine Wheel tubes with napalm so that attendees really get a feel that they might get their face burnt off.

Pyromaniacs4Good, in association with the Fireworks Council of Great Britain, are advertising shellsuits under the brand Remember Remember, in a bid to return to the heady days of the 80s when synthetic clothing used to ignite at high temperatures.

We spoke to one disillusioned firestarter outside the Houses of Parliament, “You can still get mugged and have your house egged at Halloween, but Bonfire Night no longer seems to offer this kind of peril. It’s such a shame.”


4 Better Than 3

The unveiling of the first 4G network in the UK is set to herald unprecedented speeds at which you can undertake activities that are a complete waste of time.

According to network provider Everything Everywhere, you will be able to watch videos of cats and Korean popstars in high-definition right in the palm of your hand, without waiting for anything to load.

A spokesperson explained, “Think of all the crap you look at on your phone, and think of how much more you could consume without any loading time? This new network means you’ll be able to move onto the next thoroughly pointless video even faster than before.”

“On 3G you might spend as much as four hours wasting your morning’s productivity – with 4G we can let you waste an entire day before lunch.”

4G launch

Early users of the 4G network have marvelled at their ability to do pointless things much faster than ever before.

Simon Williams explained, “Look at this – I’m flicking through funny photos on Reddit faster than I do on my laptop. Now I’ll definitely be the first the repost the best stuff to Facebook and make it seem like I’m funny.”

The spokesperson for Everything Everywhere concluded, “No, this isn’t what we had in mind when we conceived 4G, but if people are willing to spend £50 a month in order to play Farmville with less of a time lag, then we’re all for it.”


And Hutch?

The hurricane currently destroying a large swathe of the Eastern United States is considering changing its name to something slightly less effeminate, according to reports.

Sandy, a powerful Category Two hurricane, is believed to have shed up to 2 billion cubic litres of water after enduring cruel taunts about its sexuality.

The hurricane has been on the receiving end of abuse from nearby weather systems such as ‘beefcake’ hurricane Rambo and tropical storm Tyler , who is currently preparing to upgrade.

Sandy has been plagued by self-esteem issues since starting out as a minor disturbance in the Caribbean Sea two weeks ago.

The hurricane has since ballooned in size to over 900 miles across after absorbing far too much warm air.

“When I saw the list of designated names I thought ‘Come on man, you can’t go saddling a deep area of low pressure with a name like Sandy’. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Seriously , I’ve had enough. There are perfectly good names out there like Steve. Or how about Starsky?”

“Was he the handsome blonde one? I always get the two mixed up.”

Sandy rebranding

Last night Hurricane Rambo was quick to pour scorn on Sandy’s makeover attempts.

“Most hurricanes follow a pretty much straight trajectory before crashing into Florida. But not Sandy, oh no, she has to veer off course. Just sayin’.”

The case has echoes of Hurricane Rupert, who deposited up to 12 inches of rain on Nebraska before turning up in San Francisco , where he opened a secondhand bookshop.

Sandy, meanwhile, was unrepentant.

“Every time my name is called at the dentist, every time I go though a passport control, for example when I make landfall, I can see the people smirking. From now on I’m Hurricane Starsky, I just need it in writing”, she told us.

“See that three metre high wall of water? That’s me hurting.”


Blame the Scots

US presidential hopeful Mitt Romney has dismissed claims that Hurricane Sandy was ‘an act of God’, and pointed his finger instead at the ‘brogue nation’ of Scotland.

Backers of Romney, including tycoon Donald Trump, have urged him to invade the Golf State before they can strike again.

Oil-rich, nuclear weapon-shy and occupying the strategically significant ‘bloody freezing’ zone just above England, Scotland has been accused of being a ‘training ground’ for bad weather.

Trump himself has already led a peace mission to the region, generously knocking down useless old houses to make way for a much-needed millionaire’s playground.

But rather than thank their saviour some of the locals caused it to rain incessantly, an act now recognised by Romney as a declaration of war.

Romney on Sandy

Critics claim that the ‘complete lack of any evidence whatsoever’ linking Scotland to freak storm usage makes an invasion untenable.

Fortunately Romney has such a strong Mormon faith he is able to ignore such liberalised, rational arguments.

Romney’s defiance of Scotland has seen a late surge in his polling, and a sharp rise in share prices for Exxon and Halliburton.

The symbolic banned Haggis is changing hands in New York for thousands of dollars, so patriots can burn them, or use them as sandbags.

Cameron has so far refused to endorse Romney’s plans, although he did promise him a special relationship.

Meanwhile, Romney continues to campaign on the back of a growing distrust of the Scottish.

“We owe it to the people of Scotland to free them from their tyranny and oil, and provide them with a proper American Education”, roared Romney.

“Some of the men are so in touch with their feminine side, they’ll willingly wear skirts. That’s sickening evidence that they don’t even hate women.”

Good Stuff

Branston Pickle

Japanese vinegar manufacturer Mizkan is buying the right to make Branston’s pickle, ketchup, salad cream and mayonnaise- along with the factory where they are produced.

All 365 staff based in Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk, are expected to transfer in the £92.5 million deal with Premier Foods.  Premier has debts of more than £1 billion and has also sold Sarson’s vinegar to Mizkan as part of a strategy to balance the books.

Premier, which also makes Hovis bread and Mr Kipling cakes, has raised £330 million by disposing of "non-core" brands to rivals, beating the £330 million target it had set out to achieve by June 2014.

Super Hero Weapons

One of the problems of writing comics is that technology inevitably marches onward. What seems incredible and bizarre now is stuff you can get at Target in a few years.
And, in fact, a lot of supposedly advanced technology? Yeah. It's already been built. In fact some of it you can build, right now, in your garage, or just buy it.
Here are five supervillain toys scientific advancement have not only made it possible to own, but slap together in your garage.
Doc Ock's Robotic Arms

Doc Ock's arms need zero introduction: They're long, they're flexible, and they can bend steel, which is useful since otherwise he's a dump fat guy in a bowl cut. But hey, they're permanently fused to his back, so he never has to worry about them getting yanked off.
Despite being huge nerds, however, Federico Parietti and Harry Asada have clearly never read a comic book, because they've prototyped Doc Ock arms.
The sole hold-up? You can't control them with just your thought. They actually need to either learn by instruction or to follow preprogrammed routines. They're built for factory workers and scientists who need to automate specific tasks, like attacking Spider-Man.
Heat Wave's Flame Pistol

In the comics, Heat Wave has a handheld flamethrower and, uh, that's pretty much it. OK, so he has a flame-proof costume and a fire extinguisher hidden in his sleeve, but his main weapon is just a little flamethrower.
You know, like this:
To be fair, this homemade flamethrower pistol doesn't have nearly the range of Heat Wave's, and is powered by butane, not napalm. Mostly because the Internet has had, so far, better things to do. Like refining the wrist-mounted model.
Stilt-Man's Adjustable Stilts

Stilt technology has not advanced very far in a few thousand years, right? They're just poles with some wood glued to them to strap your feet to, right?
Actually, Stilt-Man's "futuristic" stilts have existed since 1970. They're called Dura-Stilts, and they actually hit the market not long after Marvel expected us to take Stilt-Man seriously. They do have a drawback in the sense that they only extend to 40", so far, but then again, they don't require that stupid stabilizing backpack. Also, they cost $300. Wilbur Day must be pissed.
The Rhino's Impenetrable Suit

The Rhino is famous for his pretty much impenetrable skin. Bullets bounce off of it, punches do nothing, and the Rhino charges onward.
If this sounds a little familiar, and not because you're a Marvel fan, you might be thinking of Troy Hurtubuise's Project Grizzly:
True, Hurtubuise is probably crazy, and Project Grizzly isn't quite as flexible as the Rhino's armor. That's what Project Trojan is all about, and Hurtubuise is planning a reality show to show you how to build your own.
The Big Wheel's Ridiculous Vehicle

The Big Wheel is, we suspect, Marv Wolfman's attempt to win a bet that he couldn't come up with a villain more ridiculous than Paste Pot Pete. But believe it or not, the Big Wheel is actually based on an idea that's existed since the 1800s.
Not that this makes the idea any less stupid, since monowheels, as they're called, have problems. Steering is a big one, since many systems involve gyroscopes or other risky methods. There's also the problem of "gerbiling", which is slang for the cockpit suddenly doing a loop-de-loop, not unlike this:
So this has stopped all research into building these things, right? HA! Are you kidding? Monowheels are still in development. There's a guy who built one with a Buick V8, and there's work on a off-road version as well.
Really, all they need is a reliable steering system, brakes that work, and firearms, and they can go chasing after Rocket Racer, whose skateboard was already built by, who else, the Mythbusters.

007 Death Match


The most sung song is Happy Birthday.

Letters of Note

Today sees the long-awaited publication of Dan Wakefield's Kurt Vonnegut: Letters, a book that I've been anticipating for what seems like decades, and which, despite having only been in my possession for a few days, I can safely say is quite easily one of the best collections of correspondence I've come across. It really is a triumph, and wonderfully edited.

Below are just two letters from the book — both of which feature Kurt Vonnegut the proud father. The first was written in 1967, and sees Vonnegut backing his son's refusal to fight in theVietnam War. The second letter was written to a Canadian teacher in 1988, in response to a censorship row that had erupted over his collection of short stories, Welcome to the Monkey House.

(Source: Kurt Vonnegut: Letters; Image: Kurt Vonnegut, viaGuardian.)

November 28, 1967

To Draft Board #1,
Selective Service,
Hyannis, Mass.


My son Mark Vonnegut is registered with you. He is now in the process of requesting classification as a conscientious objector. I thoroughly approve of what he is doing. It is in keeping with the way I have raised him. All his life he has learned hatred for killing from me.

I was a volunteer in the Second World War. I was an infantry scout, saw plenty of action, was finally captured and served about six months as a prisoner of war in Germany. I have a Purple Heart. I was honorably discharged. I am entitled, it seems to me, to pass on to my son my opinion of killing. I don't even hunt or fish any more. I have some guns which I inherited, but they are covered with rust.

This attitude toward killing is a matter between my God and me. I do not participate much in organized religion. I have read the Bible a lot. I preach, after a fashion. I write books which express my disgust for people who find it easy and reasonable to kill.

We say grace at meals, taking turns. Every member of my family has been called upon often to thank God for blessings which have been ours. What Mark is doing now is in the service of God, Whose Son was exceedingly un-warlike.

There isn't a grain of cowardice in this. Mark is a strong, courageous young man. What he is doing requires more guts than I ever had—and more decency.

My family has been in this country for five generations now. My ancestors came here to escape the militaristic madness and tyranny of Europe, and to gain the freedom to answer the dictates of their own consciences. They and their descendents have been good citizens and proud to be Americans. Mark is proud to be an American, and, in his father's opinion, he is being an absolutely first-rate citizen now.

He will not hate.
He will not kill.
There's no hope in that. There's no hope in war.

Yours truly,

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.


William G. Kennedy,
Fenelon Falls Secondary School,
Fenelon Falls,

November 16, 1988

Dear Mr. Kennedy—

My publisher, Dell, has just sent me a copy of your letter of October 19 regarding the attempted censorship of my bookWelcome to the Monkey House. You and R.A. Baxendale have my sympathy, and I am honored by your inclusion of some of my short stories in your curriculum. Your laws differ from ours in many respects, so I can offer no legal wisdom. I can only say that efforts by groups of parents to get certain works of literature withheld from an entire school community are common in this country, and have in every case been thwarted by decisions of higher courts.

Some primitive facts which may be of some slight use to you when talking about me to primitive people: I have seven children, four of them adopted. The six who are full grown are monogamous, sober members of their communities—a cabinetmaker, a television writer, a pediatrician, an airline captain, a successful painter, and a successful printmaker. They would have heard the word fuck by the time they were six, whether they had had me for a father or not. As for shit and piss: they spoke of almost nothing else when they were only three, which was surely their idea as much as mine. One man wrote me that he could learn more about sex from talking to a ten-year-old than he could from reading my collected works, which is true. Nowhere have I celebrated the use of any sort of drug, nor sexual promiscuity, nor bad citizenship.

I express dismay at violence and humorlessness in everything I write, and in my ordinary life as well. I celebrate compassion and tenderness, and parents of every persuasion should be happy to have me do that, and especially those who are enthusiastic about the Beatitudes. Speaking, as the censors do, of giving "a five year old a hand grenade": do the censors allow lethal weapons in their homes, or tell war stories within the hearing of their children, or allow children to watch TV cartoons where the mouse blows up the cat, or drops a great weight on it from on high, or digs a pit for it lined with spikes! Do they shoot animals, and then show the bullet-riddled corpses as though they were something to be proud of? I never did. As I have already said, six of my children are full grown now, and are admittedly sexy with their legal mates, and are also toilet trained, thanks to all the talk early on about shit and piss. But they surely are not violent.


Kurt Vonnegut

Letters of Note



Some reviews of French film Rust and Bone have been accused of giving too much away. As this and new 007 adventure Skyfall hit cinemas, how easily can film-goers avoid the dreaded spoiler?

SPOILER ALERT! Do not read further if you do not wish to know about the plot of Rust and Bone.

When Rust and Bone was unveiled at the Cannes film festival in May many reviewers chose to reveal its central plot twist, pointing out that it happened early in the film.

Not all readers were happy though, with some venting their frustration online.

Now Rust and Bone, which won the top prize at the recent BFI London Film Festival, is about to open in the UK. It stars Oscar-winning actress Marion Cotillard as Stephanie, a killer-whale trainer who is involved in a catastrophic workplace accident.

Ali (Matthias Schoenaerts) and Stephanie (Marion Cotillard) in Rust and Bone

She awakes in hospital to find her legs amputated below the knee. The story goes on to explore her relationship with Ali (Matthias Schoenaerts), a bouncer she met before the accident during a fracas at a nightclub.

The UK trailer for Rust and Bone gives little away about the fate of Stephanie, while the French version offers a glimpse of Cotillard's missing limbs.

Ahead of the film's UK release, director Jacques Audiard and screenwriter Thomas Bidegain are realistic about how much audiences have already picked up before seeing the film.

"I think the audience knows but it is important for them not to see [Cotillard without her legs] in advance," Bidegain says.

"The interest is in having a huge star losing her legs," adds Audiard, whose previous film was the Oscar-nominated prison drama A Prophet.

"If the actress is unknown and you cut her legs off it is like a working accident. When Marion Cotillard loses her legs it's like an industrial accident."

According to Radio Times film editor Andrew Collins, reviews should, as a general rule, steer clear of any plot point that isn't clearly signposted in the film's trailer.

"The trailer is ambiguous," Collins says of Rust and Bone. "It hints that the killer whale has something to do with Cotillard's character's accident, but it does not give away the nature of the injury.

"Even talking about it in vague terms risks drawing attention to it. I knew exactly what happens because I'm the type of person who reads everything before a film, and can't stop myself. It didn't ruin it for me, as the scenes connected to the accident and the outcome are so powerful it's not the surprise element that's vital."

But how much should audiences know in advance before they see a film?

"As little as possible," advises Collins. "Although it's getting harder and harder to avoid the hype."

He adds: "I remember seeing Blade Runner in 1983 as a teenager and literally knowing nothing about it, other than it had Harrison Ford in it, and was science fiction. Can you imagine replicating that kind of glorious innocence in today's networked world?"

When the new James Bond film Skyfall was first screened to journalists two weeks before its UK release, attendees were asked not to give away any major plot points.

Daniel Craig as James Bond in Skyfall

Most reviews have held back on revealing the big twists.

"We're delighted that they've been very respectful to the audience in letting them discover the secrets of the story themselves," Bond producer Barbara Broccoli tells the BBC. "We're very appreciative."

"When you come up with an idea for a story you have to assume that the secret will be kept," says Skyfall writer Robert Wade. "In the end it would fall apart if everyone knew."

Co-writer Neal Purvis adds: "The surprises will come out I'm sure."

Indeed, Skyfall's biggest secrets have been posted online, but are concealed behind layers of spoiler warnings.

So when does a big twist, such as the famous one in M Night Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense (1999), become fair game for open discussion?

"A twist should stay a twist," says Collins. "There may be someone out there who has not yet seen The Sixth Sense. Let them enjoy the twist.

"I like The Sixth Sense very much, but once you know the twist, and have seen it for the second time, knowing the twist, the film's like a spent match: of no further use.

He adds: "It's fine to discuss films in forums, as these are specialist environments for fans. But in mixed company, you should always check that everybody has seen a film before discussing it. That's basic social etiquette."

Collins admits, though, that in the age of social media, avoiding spoilers is almost impossible.

"I often record TV shows and watch them 24 hours later, due to build-up on my PVR, and if I'm daft enough to use Twitter in those 24 hours, it's my own fault if I find out, say, who was voted off the Great British Bake Off.

"It's the responsibility of the individual in that case. Twitter and other sites are forums for discussion, often live, so you either join in, or you keep well away!"

One writer who knows all about shock twists is David Nicholls, author of bestseller One Day.

Helena Bonham Carter as Miss Havisham in Great Expectations

As well as adapting One Day for the screen last year, he has also penned the new version of the Dickens classic novel Great Expectations.

Directed by Mike Newell, the film stars Helena Bonham Carter as Miss Havisham and Ralph Fiennes as Magwitch and is out at the end of November.

Great Expectations contains the famous revelation about the true identity of Pip's benefactor. Nicholls admits that even having read the novel around 25 times, he is still surprised by the second revelation about Estella's parents.

"There is this other ingenious twist, but the novel doesn't rely on that at all," he tells the BBC. "For me the strength of the novel is in the human relationships."

But does he talk now about the plot twist of One Day? "I still don't mention it unless it's mentioned. When I answer questions at book events if people give it away there's always some hissing and some booing!"

"I feel sorry for people who read a lot of novels," says Andrew Collins. "They must always know the ending to films. I never made it to the end of Atonement, so I was pretty smug when we got to the ending of that film and I was, presumably, one of the few people in there who didn't see that coming."

Rust and Bone is released in cinemas on 2 November. Great Expectations is out on 30 November. Skyfall is out now.

Simplest way to avoid spoilers?  Live abroad where you don't speak the language...


A unisex name and I can see it being short for Sandra, but what about the blurk's name?

Darker Side

Disney is buying Lucasfilm, the company behind the Star Wars films, from its chairman and founder George Lucas for $4.05 billion (£2.5 billion).

In a statement announcing the purchase, Disney said it planned to release a new Star Wars film, episode seven, in 2015.  That will be followed by episodes eight and nine and then one new movie every two or three years, the company said.  Lucas said: 

"It's now time for me to pass Star Wars on to a new generation of film-makers."

I'm sure they won't be as bad as the last three, but hasn't this been milked more than enough?

Coining it In

Even as the Mark Clattenburg controversy was building up a head of steam and threatening to mire the Premier League in another poisonous race row, the competition's cash registers were ringing to the sound of yet more foreign television cash.

A day after announcing a ground-breaking deal with American broadcaster NBC Sports Group, chief executive Richard Scudamore was in Beijing on Tuesday morning to reveal a six-year extension to its current deal with Chinese TV partner Super Sport.

Having secured a staggering £3bn for the League's domestic TV rights for the three years between 2013 and 2016, Scudamore is now seeking to beat the existing overseas rights deal, which is worth another £1bn. He told me from China that although the League has only concluded one fifth of its new overseas deals, he is confident of raising more income this time around.

Rather than turning foreign broadcasters off, the unseemly soap opera which provides a backdrop to football in this country just seems to add to the attraction.

Scudamore says the League is now moving into a whole new phase in its global development. Having historically looked for the best offer - often from new pay TV operators around the world - the competition is now looking for greater reach and bigger audiences.

Hence the deal with Super Sport which gives the League and its 20 clubs access to 21 different TV stations across the world's most populous nation.

Manchester United will be one of the clubs to benefit from the new deal. Photo: Getty

But the agreement with NBC Universal does take the League into new territory. While a number of big Asian countries bought into the Premier League a decade ago, America has been a far slower burn, a niche offering in a nation still consumed by the big four of American Football, baseball, basketball and ice hockey.

By winning the support of one of the country's biggest broadcasters the League now has a chance of raising its profile. The agreement also represents a threefold increase on the value of the current deal with ESPN and Fox.

"For me this is right up there with a lot of the other big moments in the League's development," Scudamore told me. "The market in the US has become much more competitive and this is a statement from NBC that they believe the Premier League can become one of the mainstream sports."

While that might be pushing it a bit there is no question that NBC Universal, the American rights holders for the Olympic Games, will take the League to another level in the States. They have bought 380 live games a season and are committed to showing six live games a week. Exact details have not been released to the public or the clubs yet (Scudamore is holding that back until a meeting of the teams on 16 November) but while the vast majority will be shown on NBC's dedicated sports channel which is carried on cable in the States, some will go out on network television.

That potentially means access to more than 80m homes across America - a very big deal for English football. To put that into context, the average weekly audience for live Premier League matches with exisiting broadcasters Fox and ESPN is around 140,000.

Now, none of this means the Premier League is about to conquer America - a country which loves playing football but is still not convinced about watching it. Just look at the difference in fees raised by the Premier League and American Football.

The NFL signed a record-breaking nine-year deal last December with CBS, NBC and Fox worth $28bn (£17.4bn) - a 63% increase on their previous contract. Just compare that to the $250m (£155m) NBC have paid the Premier League for their rights. As one media expert put it to me, the Premier League now has a really good shot at becoming a "middle ranking" sport in America.

Having said all that there can be no doubting the continued popularity of the Premier League both here and around the world. While media markets become more fragmented live football still offers a way of driving subscriptions and TV audiences. As long as that continues then the controversy surrounding the League will do little to harm its financial power.

I'm Not a Fan

But I even have to admit that The Arse winning 5 - 7 against Reading must have been some game.  Shame it was only the League Cup.  *snigger*

Tottenham away to Norwich tonight.  We will lose.

Great Picture

Our old pal Dovey and his daughter, Lucia, who will be coming to visit us in Bangkok, next year.  Taken at the Chelsea/Man U game last weekend and neither were best pleased abut the result.  Still good to see you guys though.

Happy Halloween

You've been trick-or-treating for the past 3 hours, and blacked out from the adrenaline and excitement

Now it's finally time to inspect the goodies in your overflowing pillowcase...

Now it's finally time to inspect the goodies in your overflowing pillowcase...

But instead of being engulfed in sugar-filled ecstasy...

But instead of being engulfed in sugar-filled ecstasy...
Source: mattm462

1. You end up with pennies...

You end up with pennies...
Source: slgc

2. Floss


3. Pretzels in the shape of pumpkins and bats

Pretzels in the shape of pumpkins and bats
Source: waltarrrrr

4. Mediocre Double Bubble Gum

Mediocre Double Bubble Gum

5. Toothpaste


6. Raisins


Yea, fuckin' raisins

Yea, fuckin' raisins

7. Mealy apples

Mealy apples
Source: scottjbaxter

8. Stupid popcorn-filled gloves

Stupid popcorn-filled gloves
Source: loligo

9. Toothbrushes

Source: shellysblogger

10. Dumb pencils

Dumb pencils

11. Coupons


12. Butterscotch flavored garbage

Butterscotch flavored garbage

13. Ceramic ghosts

Ceramic ghosts
Source: queenlizzy

14. Worthless Halloween-themed crap

Worthless Halloween-themed crap
Source: caryn74

15. Dots


16. Tiny plastic pumpkins

Tiny plastic pumpkins
Source: mvjantzen

17. Good & Plenty (a.k.a. the worst candy ever invented)

Good & Plenty (a.k.a. the worst candy ever invented)

18. Some people forgot to buy candy altogether and just give whatever's left in the cupboard

Some people forgot to buy candy altogether and just give whatever's left in the cupboard
Source: rleutert

So, if you're an egregious offender of giving awful treats remember to get something good this year

So, if you're an egregious offender of giving awful treats remember to get something good this year
Source: shifted

Or forever live with the fact you annually MAKE CHILDREN CRY...

Or forever live with the fact you annually MAKE CHILDREN CRY...

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