Friday, 29 April 2011

Are We Done Yet?

As reported cases of Royal Wedding fever continue to rise, the sane minority that remain in the world are demanding that a vaccination be developed to protect them from the debilitating disease.

The illness was originally only spread through contact with infected rags such as the Daily Mail and the Daily Express but in recent weeks the virus has mutated.

The newer, more contagious strain of Royal Wedding fever is now also transmitted by the airwaves used by television and radio, leading to calls for a vaccination to be developed and distributed before it is too late.

“We understand that people are rightly concerned,” leading virologist Dr Graeme Leonard told reporters, “as this looks like it could overtake Bieber Fever as the biggest pandemic since the Black Death.”

“At first we had great difficulty identifying the cause of the disease because it presents different kinds of dementia among different groups of people.”

“In some sad cases, it causes an extreme euphoria, with an overwhelming desire to sleep rough in Westminster and an intention to wave a flag at a couple of people who will not in all likelihood even notice that they are there.”

Dr Leonard continued, “But in other cases it can cause an extreme rage, similar to that seen in rabies victims,”

“Which can cause affected people to bite the head off anyone mentioning the words ‘royal’ or ‘wedding’, quite literally in many cases.”

Researchers are now certain that both conditions are caused by the same bacterium, known as the Middletonium, and hope to be distributing a vaccination before the entire planet loses its grip on reality in the next 24 hours.

In the meantime, people wishing to protect themselves from exposure to Royal Wedding Fever have been advised to lock themselves indoors, preferably in a custom-built panic room, located in Hull.

NT

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