Formula One is not boring, according to seven-time world champion Michael Schumacher, who explained his reasoning in a three-hour presentation using 75 monochrome text-based acetate slides and a wooden pointer.
The sport has come in for significant criticism following the processional opening ‘race’ in Bahrain, which for large sections resembled a leisurely drive through a London suburb by twenty middle-aged women.
The feedback has led to organisers rethinking the new rules and hinting that for the rest of the season the cars may be required to tow elaborately decorated floats around the circuits in an effort to make the processions a more pleasing spectacle.
Head of Formula One, Bernie Ecclestone “We simply thought, if we’re going to have a procession of 20 cars going round and round, let’s give it a Mardi Gras vibe, yeah? I’m 79 you know.”
“We’re thinking bright colours, dancers, maybe some samba music. Each car pulls a float around the circuit, and we’ll award points for the best decorated - Ferrari have some wonderfully gifted decorators you know. Have I told you that I’m nearly 80 by the way?”
Motor-sport fans have criticised the rule changes for 2010, with one stating, “If I wanted to watch cars driving round and round in a orderly queue, I’d spend my Sunday afternoons in Tesco’s car park.”
“I want to see the drivers doing things that I can’t with a car. Yet I overtook more cars on my commute to work this morning than Jensen Button will all season, maybe you should point a camera at me?”
However, Schumacher said changes were not necessary, insisting the races will become more interesting, “just as soon as the drivers get used to the new rules, and then….oh sod it. Who am I kidding? It’s dull as hell and everyone knows it.”