Monday, 16 July 2018

It's Come Home

Team Eng-er-land have landed in the UK but that's about all they are bringing back.  Full marks to Gareth Southgate for insisting he didn't want an open-top bus tour through the streets of London.

Not only did he want to keeps things modest and down to earth, but let's face it, they haven't won anything.  But I loved his final words on the subject:

"But if we have a parade that would have been in one part of the country and we represent the whole country."

I am starting to like this guy.

News Thump

Donald Trump regime change in UK
The president of the United States last night confirmed his government are now seeking to topple the UK government in order to install one more amenable to his and his friends’ worldview.
Speaking to the Murdoch owned Sun, President Trump said, “The British people are fed up with the foreign European Union interfering in their affairs. They voted by 95% to 97% to leave, and Theresa May is betraying them.
“Look at London. It’s a war zone with no-go areas controlled by sharia law, which is forced upon them by the EU.
“I told her exactly what she should do, but she chose a different route. Sad. So sad.
“It’s not for me to tell the British people what they should do, but they should definitely get rid of May and replace her with Boris Johnson. I like him. He’s a good guy. I am a very stable genius so I know these things about people.
“The Brexit white paper is not what the British people voted for. They love me here, I think the last poll showed at least 91% thought I was the greatest President in history, and they are right. I own a lot of land here.
“So I have to tell you, its time for a regime change in the UK. True patriots like Putin, Johnson and Farage have all persuaded me this is a necessary thing. A very necessary thing.
“I like Johnson a lot, he’s said nice things about me. I own a lot of land here and in Ireland. Best golf.”
NT

Oleaginous*

Possibly the best fitting word to describe Trumpet after he "U" turned from his Sun interview about America's "special" relationship with the UK, his opinions on May, Bo Jo and how Great Britain should have handled its escape from the European Union.

Sheer class.

TInd





*oleaginous

ˌəʊlɪˈadʒɪnəs/
adjective
  1. 1.

    rich in, covered with, or producing oil; oily.
    "fabrics would quickly become filthy in this oleaginous kingdom"
  2. 2.

    exaggeratedly and distastefully complimentary; obsequious.
    "candidates made oleaginous speeches praising government policies"

DYK?

Fun Facts 28

Well Said

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
Doug Larson

St Swithin’s Day

The myth has it that if it rains on 15th July, wet weather will carry on for 40 days and 40 nights. If it’s sunny, it that means dry weather will be the norm.

Congrats to the UK, you can expect a couple of week's of sunshine this summer then.

Retail Outlet Shops

Siem Reap is not really a destination associated with shopping.  It's more your students, backpackers, hippies or piss heads that head out this way.  However, over recent years we have seen a number of shops springing up that cater to this demographic.

In particular, we have sports and travel goods that are selling well and as usual, all the major brands are present and correct.  Showing the kids around, wifey spotted a pair of sports sandals she just bought in Bangkok (in the sale no less).  An identical pair were up for $49 yet she paid THB 2 200, which is a good tenner cheaper.

It really does pay to shop around...

Viz Bits

Letterbocks – Christ on a marmite jar lid

Vive La France

Well done to the French cockerel who handsomely beat our boys from Hrvatska.   I don't think the 4 - 2 scoreline fairly reflects just how well Croatia took on the French (certainly in the first half) nor was it a free kick for the opening goal or a penalty that swung the match.

But what a cracking game to crown a superb month of football.  Congrats to our Russian hosts who despite all the naysayers doubts, delivered one of the best tournaments to date.  I wonder if Qatar can do similarly?

Paradiso

I am not a big fan of this bar but when Ray said they were having a comedy club upstairs, we thought we'd pop in and take a look.

A South African compere, comedians from the Philippines, Ukraine and an American Thai, plus an Australian chap to end.

Aside from the Oz blurk, I've seen funnier things fall out of my arse first thing in the morning.  D-I-R-E.  Not funny, ignorant, pueril and highly offensive, had it not been "comedy".

As I said the to guy who had arranged the night, if it had not been free, I would have asked for my money back.  He didn't even get that...

Old Faces

We had arranged to meet Mandie when she came to visit us in Bangkok a few months ago when she mentioned she would in the area for a week doing volunteering work.  It was really good to see and enjoy her enthusiasm for Siem Reap, which was her first visit.

We have arranged to catch up with her again tomorrow for a trip through the bars culminating at the infamous Angkor Wat?, which is supposedly a "night club".  With the kids in tow, it could turn out to be one fun evening out.

Sorry, Nearly Forgot- C & H

Bogged Down

Having made excellent progress from start to finish, we had to run into some kind of hold up- and we did.  We had picked up our taxi voucher (LHS on exiting the airport, $10 for a small/standard car) and our driver went off to locate our chariot.  Luggage and passengers on board, we got out of the car park and up to the roundabout when we hit a complete standstill.
😀
Cambodia is having its national elections to see who won't be the next Prime Minister (Hun Sen has been in power for the past 35 years no matter what or who the people want) and the alternative party were having their rally.

We seemed to have chosen the exact same time the supporters were having their motorised parade and we were stuck in a jam that seemed to last for hours.  Wave after wave of any kind of propelled vehicles chugged past and just as I was giving up the will to live, we finally made it onto the dual carriageway that leads into town some 15 km away.

But if that was the worst delay, I could live it. 

Ira

Image result for funny birthday greetings

Visa on Arrival

The airport at Siem Reap was undergoing a major overhaul and was almost complete on our last visit.  This time there was not a builder or bare brick in sight and it all looked professionally perfect.

Having had had the foresight to complete all of our paperwork prior to landing, we skipped past all the other passengers who hadn't bothered and got our visas ($30/person plus a photo) swiftly.   Even the immigration officers seemed more streamlined if a bit top heavy.  Does it really take 15 people to process the paperwork?  The steps as follows:

  • Take passport, picture and money
  • Stick in visa
  • Date and stamp
  • Return
But who am I to query their procedure, they have been doing this for decades and will no doubt be doing exactly the same for many more years to come.

Air Asia

As slick and professional as ever, this is what Ryanair, easyJet and all the other low cost carriers can only aspire to be like.  Handsome, smiling staff, plenty of storage space and barely an hour up in the air.  Reaching Siem Reap from Bangkok has never been easier.

Door to Door

With hand luggage and one big suitcase we took the BTS from On Nut to Mo Chit to get closer to Don Muang airport.  As we got to the platform, our train arrived and we reached  the end station in just under 40 minutes.  As we approached the bus stop for the final leg, it arrived and before we knew it we were on our way.

We reached the airport just over twenty minutes later, making it about an hour door to door at a ridiculous cost of THB 74- about £1.50/head.

Back "Home"

We've been trying to work out when we were in Siem Reap last and reckon it must have been well over a year ago.  As ever things have changed, with new buildings going up, old places knocked down and an overall feeling of prosperity.

As with Thailand, it's rainy season so the fine red dust that settles everywhere has turned to a glue-like red paste that clings to everything in sight.

Our hotel, City River, is just as usual with the addition of new flat screen TVs in all rooms (a minor irritation as I left my HDMI cable at home) but more or less the same nonetheless, and having walked around our usual haunts, most are present and correct.

But the best response has been the reactions of the kids who have never experienced anything like this.  They are freaked out at the sights and are loving it.

Friday, 13 July 2018

Well Said

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
Vince Lombardi
US football coach (1913 - 1970)

Made in England

News Thump

New football experts, who are already looking forward to another brief flirtation with the game in 2022, have today declared their relief at once again being able to tell their partners to ‘turn that crap off’ and stop pretending to understand the offside rule.
Whilst seasoned fans appreciated the efforts that a young team and new manager were putting in, and that their performances were an invaluable experience for the future, the new fans were having none of it.
“We downloaded the Coming Home song and bought more than seven pounds worth of flags and tat,” said one, whilst another, who had already arranged an England world cup final party, bemoaned the fact that he only had one Croatian friend.
Simon Williams of Scunthorpe told us, “It’s so disappointing that the lads messed it up, they should definitely have won it, I mean how hard can it be? They’d already beaten Tunisia. I’ve been there on my holidays and they all looked like excellent footballers, so that was a brilliant result.
“What am I now supposed to do with three meat feasts and a pepperoni? It’s alright for the players, on their ridiculous salaries, but they weren’t thinking of the little people and their wasted pizza when they did the losing, were they?”
Whilst the new fans carried the social media circus to its unrealistic crescendo, the more experienced ones, who didn’t throw their pints away every time England got the ball, were more reserved.
Harry Johnson, a Leeds supporter since 1964, told us, “I’m pleased that the lads have had the experience of a big tournament and that they’ll learn from it.
“But the most important thing in my eyes is that new fans pile as much pressure on them as we can, burden them with unrealistic expectations and see how anxious we can make them for the next one.
“History has taught is that it’s the only way to success.”
NT

On a Positive Note

We are getting all clears from the dope tests conducted in Russia both before and during the World Cup.  According to Fifa, since January 2018, a total of 2 037 tests have been conducted and on average, every player from the four remaining teams has been tested four times with some up to eight times.

Jolly good news indeed but I would like them visit the ITV studios and test a couple of the pundits.  That knuckle-dragger Gary Neville would surely fail at the first hurdle, assuming he had the intelligence to work out how to piss in the cup.

Nifty "His and Hers" Bog Signs

Funny Bathroom Signs That Will Put A Smile On Your Face

Preposterous

I read (BBC) with rising incredibility that Team Eng-erland/the FA were to be fined for wearing the wrong socks (cue Wallace and Grommet gag).  It seems that some players dared to wear branded ankle support socks over official Nike socks, ignoring a Fifa warning to stop.  This heinous crime was for "breaching media and marketing regulations and the Fifa equipment regulations".

Petty, pompous and petulant, but what else would one expect from an organisation once led by Sepptic Splatter?

But there is more to come.

England were fined £50 000 making it the joint second highest fine at the World Cup behind Argentina's £80 000 punishment, after their fans threw objects and chanted homophobic abuse.

Have we all lost a sense of rationale?  Eighty large for gay bashing but fifty grand for ankle supports?  Somebody needs a reality check and the sack to follow swiftly.


Nonsense

"England can return home as heroes"

Shouts a strap line in a piece on the BBC regarding their quite remarkable progress to the semi finals.

Erm, really?

Aren't they just players plying their trade on the pitch as they do week in and week out?  Yes, they did magnificently well to get as far as they did, but is that truly such a heroic feat against favourable opposition?

To my mind the true heroes are the guys who repeatedly went into dark, treacherous and murky waters for hours at a time, putting their own lives in grave danger, to rescue the young children trapped in the caves of northern Thailand.

That's true heroism and to suggest playing a game of football is of equal status is just plain wrong.

Unwind

With the kids not sleeping in over 24 hours, they felt it was best to bat on and keep going until it was night time in an attempt to break their jet lag.  With self discipline fading in the afternoon wifey decided to take them to have a massage and it worked a treat.  Fully relaxed and refreshed, they loved it and have already booked a return trip before they fly back home.

They made it through to the early evening and after a couple of beers and an introduction to our food stalls (thumbs up all round for the barbecued whole fish and king prawns) they sensibly left us to crash while we soldiered on with the Chang.

We may far older but it's the kids who are the wiser and I wish we had nicked off early too.  😁

A Special Present

On top of all the goodies and bike mags, the kids also got us a very special presents half a dozen bottles of real ale.

Shrouded in bubble wrap and taped into an industrial strength box, this monster of a package must have taken up half of the suitcase space.

I think I shall keep it for my birthday and savour every last drop.

DYK?

Fun Facts 27

Lucky Number Three

I cheekily asked our nephew to bring some bits and pieces over and cannot believe what they managed.  No wonder their cases weighed a ton and looked like mobile trunks.

1.5 kg of Marmite, a dozen packets of Angel Delight and then three packs of every thing else.  Apparently, it was "buy two and get the third free".  I now have enough K Shave to last several years, Bovril stock cubes for twice that long and so many chocolates and sweets to keep our dentist in business until the next century.  (My brother works for Mars and gets huge discounts on their products).

Completely overwhelmed at not just the generosity but how they even managed to haul all this booty over 6 000 miles.

Top Tip

When waiting for passengers to arrive at Bhumi airport, it's a good idea to take your passport along in case you get stopped by security.  Strictly speaking one is not permitted to wander into the arrivals area but if you know your way around, it's not too difficult to sneak in.

I was lucky while waiting for the kids to arrive, I only got busted the once having already breached the inner sanctums as I needed to leave the area to check flight details.

The guard requested my passport which I didn't have and would not accept my driving licence to be able to pass through.  So I had to leave and come back via a different route.

I managed that readily enough and got pole position to see the kids coming through.

New Arrivals

Our nephew and his lovely girlfriend have finally arrived and we are having so much fun showing them around to constant "oohs and ahhs" as they see stuff they had no idea even existed. 

There may be a gap of about thirty years but we are getting along famously and I am certain we are going to have a super time together.  Today we take them into town to see all their shopping options and tonight we're off to a comedy club.

Viz Bits

Letterbocks – birthday honours

3rd/4th Play Offs

Many people, including the players, lament this fixture saying it is meaningless  and a waste of time to put teams through this ordeal as the players are already knackered.

I don't go along with that, I think it is highly important to clarify just who is third and fourth for pub bragging rights.  Besides, if third spot is on inconsequential, how come they award bronze medals at the Olympics?

I don't see many athletes saying "you know what, you can keep your bronze medal is it means bollock all".

Shut your whinging, play the game to win and watch Fifa make yet another trunkful of readies for their retirement plans.

I Blame the Shirts

Team Eng-er-land take to the field in their "lucky" red strip and win, yet when they revert back to their standard white shirts, they lose.

You do the maths...

Same Old, Same Old

Obviously the biggest news is Team Eng-er-land getting dumped out of the World Cup semis by Hrvatska, a country we have close to our hearts having lived in Croatia for many months over several years.

With a country of around 4 million people it seems difficult to comprehend how such a small population can take on the might of England's 65 million, yet in the second half they dug deep, continued to believe in themselves and came from behind to take victory.

I have no intention of knocking England who gave their all and by far defied the odds to make it even this far, but truthfully, they did have an easy run, all the way from their qualifiers.

Look at it like this, they played two big teams (Belgian and Croatia) and lost them both.

Still, it was very nice indeed to see so many Tottenham players representing their country and I hope it boosts our club come the start of the new season.

C & H

Wednesday, 11 July 2018

Please

Funny German Language

$38 Million

Is how much the winner of the World Cup can expect to collect on Sunday, which is $3 million more than Germany took home in 2014.   Further prize winnings are as follows:

  • third- and fourth-place teams will each get a $2 million increase to $24 million and $22 million, respectively. 
  • quarter finalists will each get $16 million, also a $2 million increase, 
  • teams eliminated in the last 16 get a $3 million increase to $12 million.

Teams will also get $1.5 million from FIFA toward the costs of preparing for the tournament.  That amount was the same in 2014.

Maxim

News Thump

Journalists have flocked to a quiet Lutterworth estate following reports that a man was telling his neighbours he accepted Boris Johnson’s resignation was a dignified stand for sincere beliefs and not just another self-serving power play for which other people would have to suffer.
Simon Williams, a retired bus driver who made the shocking comments at his local Tesco Metro, refused to talk to the media.
It was left to his wife Janet to explain why her husband was the only man in Britain not to recognise the resignation as just another underhand attempt by the tousled-headed Etonian to take over the Tory party.
She explained, “It’s not Simon’s fault. He’s got a short attention span so he only reads the first few sentences of the Daily Mail before he gets distracted by the telly.
“He’s also a decent person so it’s hard for him to understand that some people will never do anything if it doesn’t benefit them.
“I think Boris shook his hand once doing the EU referendum campaign and since then Simon won’t shut up about how Boris is a ‘bit of a card but a proper gent’.”
Mrs Williams admitted her husband’s naivety had previously strained their relationship.
‘It used to be much worse. UKIP, PPI, time-shares, Argos. You name it. If it was an obvious swindle he’d fall for it. Took me years but I finally got him under control.
“But then Brexit came along and every politician in the country was telling my husband he was capable of deciding hugely complex constitutional issues using his gut.
“He watches ITV in the daytime for fuck’s sake.”
NT

DYK?

There is actually a medical term for your bum crack.  It is called the intergluteal cleft.

If You Don't Know, Don't Go

Extremely Helpful Tips And Life Hacks That Will Make Your Life Easier 09

In Front as Always

Aldi and Lidl believe football is coming home and are closing for the World Cup final

With Team Eng-er-land kicking off at 15:00 on Sunday, should they beat Hrvatska in their semi final, Aldi (and Lidl) have taken the lead by announcing they will be closing an hour earlier to allow their staff to get home in good time for the start.

How come these German supermarkets are this confident of England winning? Perhaps they just want to forget just how poorly we "performed" in this competition.

Either way, brilliant piece of advertising for their supermarkets.

'Grats to France

Who beat Belgium in last night's final and now all eyes are on tonight's game between Team Eng-er-land and Hrvatska.  I'd be delighted if the Brits were to win (bar the inevitable chest thumping that will ensue) but we love Croatia and really hope they can clinch it.

Head says England, heart says Croatia; we will find out at 03:00 tomorrow morning.

Keep it Coming

With the 12 young footballers freed from the cave in Thailand not being able to attend the World Cup final as they are too ill to travel, plenty of other offers of support have come from across the world.

Manchester United are offering them the chance to attend a game, while Barcelona have invited the team to play in their international academy tournament next year and watch a first-team game at the Nou Camp.

But best of all is the offer from England's Kyle Walker and Jack Butland, who have offered to send kit to the boys after they saw one of the lads wearing a Team Eng-er-land shirt.

Aren't they aware we can buy these shirts for a fiver a time in these parts?  And they are better quality.  😁

BBC

Wonderful News

All the Thai children and their coach have been recovered from their hell hole underground and are now in hospital for check ups and observation.  We are all immensely relieved and full of admiration for everyone involved in this miracle rescue and we wish each and everyone a speedy and full recovery.  You are all heroes.

BBC

Viz Bits

Letterbocks – NHS efficiency

The Icing on the Cake

For a most frustrating morning.

Just heard a creaking sound from the fridge and after a quick inspection we have a broken top shelf and a split bottom shelf.  Obviously both these items are not readily available so it's a case of bodge DIY and worry about it another time.

What next, I wonder?

Good Grief

Looking at the time stamp of the previous post, that makes it an hour to get our boarding cards done.  OK, there are four travelling and we have four different sets of flights as the kids are heading down to Phuket after Siem Reap, but it also took two different laptops and a re-boot of the router and one computer to get this done.

What a monumental palaver...

Come off It

And now the mouse has gone down.  I guess it's just not meant to be today...

Well That's not Working Then

It doesn't matter how far in advance you can check in on- line if the website is not responding.  I knew this was going to be an arse.