Thursday, 15 November 2018

Said and Done

Mexico: Chivas coach José Cardozo – conducting his post-defeat press conference from behind a range of official club sponsors’ products, including two bags of granola and two yogurts. Club vice-president Amaury Vergara told local media the ridicule Cardozo faced online afterwards was “a matter of regret. Our marketing team called it wrong. We must be aesthetically cleaner.”

Joke de Jour

 Knock knock

Who's there?


To who?

No, to whom, you thick twat

In or Out, Here's What it Could Mean

Interesting piece in TInd which tries to predict what could happen once/if England leaves the EU:

The College of Commissioners – the political leadership of the European Commission, effectively the EU’s cabinet – has announced how British visitors to the EU will be treated in the event of a “no-deal” Brexit. These are the key aspects.
What were the options?
The default position for a third country is that it joins the “visa required” list, along with people from China, Russia, India, Thailand, and all of Africa. This would have required travellers to apply between three months and 15 days before the intended journey, to provide evidence of travel insurance, and to pay €60 euros for adults and €35 for children.
But the commissioners decided that the UK could be placed on the visa-free list, along with people from the Americas, Japan, South Korea, Malaysia, Australia, New Zealand and several dozen other countries.
The decision is contingent upon the UK allowing Europeans to visit without visas, which the British government has already indicated will happen.
Does that mean things stay the same?
No. At present a British passport allows the holder to travel and stay in any EU country. The only check border officials may make is to ensure that the passport belongs to the person. 
But third-country visa-free status means there is no automatic right of entry. After 29 March 2019, British visitors will be limited to a stay of 90 days in any 180-day period. In addition, the passport must have at least three months’ validity remaining. 
Border officials may ask for evidence of “sufficient means of subsistence” for the intended stay and return – such as return ticket, accommodation reservations or an invitation letter to a conference.
What about working in the European Union?
That will no longer be an automatic right. The EU says: “You can come as a tourist, to visit friends or family, to attend cultural or sports events or exchanges, business meetings, for journalistic or media purposes, medical treatment, for short-term studies or training and any similar activities.
“However, the visa waiver does not apply to persons travelling for the purpose of carrying out a paid activity in the Member States, i.e. for those who come to work in the EU.”
And British people living but not working abroad?
UK citizens living in the European Union, including those who have retired, will encounter much more tangled red tape. National governments will specify their own rules.
This is all assuming there is no deal. But assuming an agreement is reached, will things remain the same?
No. The freedom of movement will be curtailed.
The European Commission says: “EU rules on non-EU nationals travelling to the EU, such as those on border control, would of course apply to UK citizens once they are no longer EU citizens.”
Several years down the line, British travellers will face more bureaucracy when the EU’s new ETIAS (European Travel Information and Authorisation System) system comes in.
All UK travellers will have to apply in advance and pay a fee to have their journey authorised.
What will the rules be for European visitors to the UK?
While visas will not be required, it will be more difficult for many Europeans to come to the UK on holiday. As stated in a leaked Home Office document: “We intend to require all EU citizens to travel on a passport.”
Currently EU citizens with national ID cards can visit more than 30 foreign nations: the other members of the union, geo-political oddities such as Andorra, assorted Balkan states and the former Soviet Republic of Georgia.
As a result levels of passport ownership in countries with ID cards are lower than in Britain. After the UK leaves, the number of possible destinations for ID card holders will drop by one, but there will still be plenty of choice.
Although some European citizens will go through the hassle of getting a passport just to visit the UK, many may not bother. This is a cause for concern for Britain’s inbound tourism industry.
Does this apply to the Republic of Ireland?
No. Relations are governed by the Common Travel Area (CTA) agreement. Free movement will continue. The UK government says: “The CTA was developed to facilitate the principle of free movement for British and Irish citizens between the UK, Ireland and the islands. It ensured that British and Irish citizens continued to benefit from a mutual enjoyment of rights.
“There are no routine passport controls on routes from within the CTA to the UK.”


Iceland's Christmas advert, which highlights the impact of palm oil on rain forests and orangutan, has gone viral (see above) after being banned from UK television.

Clearcast, the body which approves ads for TV, said it wasn't approved because it breached political advertising rules- because it was about the environment or palm oil.

It wasn't approved because the advert was originally made by the environmental organisation Greenpeace.  It comes down to the law - political advertising isn't allowed on TV.

Crazy, we all (should) know about the harm palm oil harvesting is doing to the planet but if it's political, hey, ban it...


News Thump

Theresa May brexit deal
Theresa May has finally snapped and is offering a fist-fight to all who oppose her Brexit plan.
Following the sheer, unadulterated stress of trying to engineer an unworkable concept, making Jeremy Corbyn look bad AND dealing with Boris Johnson on a daily basis, the Prime Minister finally caved into a six-pack of special brew with breakfast this morning.
“Wheresh Jacob Reeeesh-Moggggg,” slurred May, spinning around and accidentally twatting an aide in the face.
“Sershly, you all want a peesh of THISH?! You can… you can come and TRYYYY!”
Mrs May then mounted the cabinet table, singing Land of Hope and Glory while removing her jacket before doing some shadow-boxing that could be generously described as “messy”.
A government spokesperson said, “Nobody is about to hit a lady.
“We all went to Eton. We will absolutely decimate the poor, but hitting a lady is quite beyond the pale, even for Michael Gove, who we’d all be quite happy to thump in the teeth, as it happens.
“Oh God, she’s ripped the leg of a table off and is swinging it around her head… this is election night all over again.”

Rooney to Say Good-Bye

There seems to be quite a debate about Wayne Rooney playing for Team Eng-er-land after having packed in his international career last year having played 119 times for his country.

Some people seem disgruntled at giving him an opportunity to play in the friendly match against America, where he is slated to play the second half.  Ex-goal keeper Peter Shilton who is Team Eng-er-land's most capped player on 125, is one of the most vocal nay sayers with his main argument being that caps should not be "given out like gifts".

I can't see a problem.  He is the country's leading goalscorer (53) and will not over take any "appearance" records, so why not give him the chance to say farewell at Wembley in front of the fans?

I'd eve like to see him score and wonder if he will go up and take a penalty if awarded?


Headline de Jour

Scientist "stabs colleague who kept telling him endings of books he was reading"


Well Said

Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.
G K Chesterton
English author & mystery novelist (1874 - 1936)

The Oatmeal

Being hungover in your 20s versus your 30s

Full House to Empty House

And for the first time we had more than the minimum team turn up, so much that I dropped myself to give way to everyone who made the effort who was there.

Turns out it was a good decision as we won the singles matches two to one and the same again for the doubles (where I did play- and rather well).  If only we could have finished the Micky Mouse match, but such is life and why we play again next week, away to the Sportsman.

And from one extreme to the other, with a full team this week we will go in one short of the minimum and may have to ask wifey to stand in.  Not a problem in itself as she is rather tasty but her neck is a big concern and I am hoping we can find a ringer alternative to play.

So Close

We faced our return match against the Clubhouse, which was our very first game at the start of the dart's league a few months back.  Then we drew 8 - 8 after snatching victory in the last game, Micky Mouse and this time, we were leading going in.

Unfortunately due to a tactical error from yours truly, we lost and also the opportunity to win our very first league match.  Sorry lads, my fault fr insisting the bull shot was the way to go- we should have done the doubles first.

That said, if we had hit the bulls we would have won...

Viz Bits

Letterbocks – last words

Wogs- 4

And just to prove I am no fuddy-duddy, a joke on the subject which is funny.

Q:  What is a wog?

A:  A wump of wood, of course...

Wogs- 3

So how did I end up with "wogs" on the brain?  I caught a trailer for a new comedy series called "Superwog"- and guess which country this hails from?

Aye, Australia...

I like to think myself as open minded and so I will have a look see when it comes on, let's face it, everyone loves a laugh.  But until then I won't comment further.  Full report as and when then, but in the meantime here's what IMDb have to say:

Superwog Poster

A half-hour comedy following the dysfunctional Superwog family. While their parents deal with a marital breakdown, Superwog and best friend Johnny must learn to deal with adulthood and independent life.

Wogs- 2

From wiki:

Wog is a slang word in the idiom of Australian English and British English. In the UK, it is usually employed as an ethnic or racial slur, and considered derogatory and offensive. In Australia, it may be used as a slur, but to some extent has been reclaimed and is used as a self-descriptor.
In British English, "wog" is an offensive racial slur usually applied to Black, Middle EasternSouth Asian or Southeast Asian peoples. In Australian English, "wog" is a term used as a racial slur mostly for people from Southern Europe and the Mediterranean region in general (Portuguese, Spanish, Italian, Greek), including the Mediterranean region of the Middle East (i.e., the Eastern Mediterranean or the Levant and North Africa: Jews and Arabs) as well as Eastern Europe.


The origin of the term is unclear. It was first noted by lexicographer F.C. Bowen in 1929, in his Sea Slang: a dictionary of the old-timers’ expressions and epithets, where he defines wogs as "lower class Babu shipping clerks on the Indian coast."[1] Many dictionaries[which?] say "wog" derives from the golliwogg, a blackfaceminstrel doll character from a children's book, The Adventures of Two Dutch Dolls and a Golliwogg by Florence Kate Upton, published in 1895; or from pollywog, a dialect term for tadpole that is used in maritime circles to indicate someone who has not crossed the equator.[2]
Suggestions that the word is an acronym for "wily Oriental gentleman", "working on government service", or similar, are examples of false etymology.[3][4]

Use in British English[edit]

"Wog", in the UK, is a derogatory and racially offensive slang word referring to a non-white, Jewish, or darker-skinned white person, including people from the Middle East, the Indian subcontinent, other parts of Asia such as the East Indies, or the Mediterranean area, including Southern Europeans.
The saying, "The wogs begin at Calais" (implying that everyone who is not British is a wog), appears to date from the First World War but was popularised by George WiggLabour MP for Dudley, in 1949 when in a parliamentary debate concerning the Burmese, Wigg shouted at the Conservative benches, "The Honourable Gentleman and his friends think they are all 'wogs'. Indeed, the Right Honourable Member for Woodford [i.e., Winston Churchill] thinks that the 'wogs' begin at Calais."[5]
As reported by English-Jewish journalist Linda Grant, people in England have referred to Jews and Israelis as "wogs", as well.[6]
In Season 1 Episode 6 - 'The Germans' episode of Fawlty Towers (a 1975 British TV show), Major Gowen specifically refers to "wog" as meaning any person from India (when speaking about the India vs England cricket game at the Oval to Basil Fawlty).

Use in Australian English[edit]

In Australia, the term "wog" refers to residents of Southern EuropeanMediterraneanMiddle Eastern, and Eastern European ethnicity or appearance. The slur became widely diffused with an increase in immigration from Europe and the Levant, mainly AlbaniaCroatiaBosniaGreeceItalyFranceLebanonMacedoniaMaltaSerbiaSpain and Turkey after the Second World War. These new arrivals were perceived by the majority population as contrasting with the larger predominant Anglo Protestant/Anglo-Australian/Anglo-Celtic Australian culture. The term expanded to include not just Southern European peoples, but immigrants from the Mediterranean region of the Middle East as well.
Today, "wog" is used particularly in places in Australia with substantial Southern EuropeanMediterranean, and Middle Eastern populations, mainly Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide. As with other slang and prima facie profanity used in contemporary Australian English,[7] the term "wog" may be employed either aggressively or affectionately within differing contexts.
In Australian English, "wog" can also be used as a slang word for an illness such as a common cold or influenza, as in: "I'm coming down with a wog". Such usage is not perceived as derogatory.[8]

In the media[edit]

More recently, Southern European-Australian performing artists have taken ownership of the term "wog", defusing its original pejorative nature. The popular 1980s stage show Wogs Out of Work, created by Nick Giannopoulos and Simon Palomares, is an early example. The production was followed on television with Acropolis Now, starring Giannopoulos, Palomares, George Kapiniaris, and Mary Coustas, and films such as The Wog Boy and Wog Boy 2: Kings of Mykonos, and parodies such as those of Santo Cilauro (Italian), Eric Bana (Croatian-German), Vince Colosimo (Italian), Nick Giannopoulos (Greek), Frank Lotito (Italian), Mary Coustas (Greek), and SBS Television's offbeat Pizza and later Here Come the Habibs. TV series have continued this change in Australian cultural history—with some even classifying a genre of "wogsploitation" of pop culture products being created by and for a proudly "wog" market.[9] Recent works of the genre have been used by Australians of non-English speaking backgrounds to assert ethnic identity rather than succumb to ethnic stereotypes.[10] Upon the release of Wog Boy 2, Giannopoulos discussed the contemporary use of the term "wog" in the Australian context:
I think by defusing the word 'wog' we've shown our maturity and our great ability to adapt and just laugh things off, you know... When I first came [to Greece] and I started trying to explain to them why we got called 'wog' they'd get really angry about it, you know. They were, "Why? Why they say this about the Greek people?" You know? But then when they see what we've done with it—and this is the twist—that we've turned it into a term of endearment, they actually really get into that...
Thus, in contemporary Australia, the term "wog" may, in certain contexts, be viewed as a "nickname" rather than a pejorative term[11]—akin to the nicknames ascribed within Australian English to other historically significant cultural groupings such as the English ("Poms"), the Americans ("Yanks") and New Zealanders ("Kiwis").

Wogs- 1

Don't panic, it's not un-pc or in the least bit racist, merely acceptable Australian speak.  Seriously, Down Under where the sun shines, the seas crash and everyone looks like a Barbie Doll (OK, mainly the burds) it is entirely fine to call some people "Wogs".

In the land where racism is rife and almost obligatory, Australians define Wogs as "Western Oriental Gentlemen" and heaven help you if you demure.  You'll be ostracised for not having a sense of humour or be chastised for being critical of a term the foreigners themselves "love".

But what does it for me, is that Australia can say to the rest of the world, "look, you may all find the term racist but not in our back yard, so we are going to carry on and stuff you all".

Admirable, I am all for do what you like within your own boundaries, but then why can't the Americans repeat that mantra with "nigger" or the Brits with "Paki"?

Global definition and condemnation is just that, but I guess that is why I still rate Australia as the most racist country I have ever visited.


We're all for it in the ktelontour household and try wherever possible, to re-use containers, plastic straws and top-up packs.  But it is the liquid refresher bags that are a major pain in the arse as I defy anyone to be able to get the last of the washing up liquid, liquid hand soap or laundry detergent out of the bag.

And that is if you are fortunate enough to even get most of the refill into the tiny spout they all have on their bottles- most of ours ends up down the sides like some disfigured volcanic lava discharge.

What a waste, which surely defeats the point?

C & H

December 02, 1987

Wednesday, 14 November 2018

Tuesday, 13 November 2018

Joke de Jour

Two whales walk into a bar.

The first one says, "Weeeeeooooouuuhhhh."

The other whale says, "Shut up. You're pissed again."

The Oatmeal

Well Said

The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore.
Samuel Butler
English composer, novelist, & satiric author (1835 - 1902) 

News Thump

After learning that British Airways has asked Spanish authorities to be reclassified as a Spanish company after Brexit, many Brexiters have insisted that they didn’t really like the airline anyway.
International Consolidated Airlines Group, which owns British Airways, has begun talks with Spanish authorities, hoping to ensure the company’s lucrative presence in the EU after Brexit.
Brexiter Simon Williams said he wasn’t bothered by the news, insisting British Airways never felt like a proper British company anyway.
He explained, “They hardly spend any time here, their planes are always off galivanting around the world, rather than staying on these shores like any true patriot would.”
When reminded that his hero, Margaret Thatcher, held the firm in such high esteem that she was furious when they took the Union flag from the fleet’s tails, he insisted Thatcher would agree with him.
“Just because Maggie lost her shit when the airline removed the British flag from the tails of its fleet doesn’t mean she actually liked them, or that she thought of them as properly British. She was just angry all the time because of the communists.
“If she were alive today she would be quite happy seeing British Airways sod off to Madrid as long as we all get blue passports.
“Shut up, yes she would.”
When it was pointed out to Williams that British Airways is just the latest in a long line of major companies withdrawing business and operations from the UK to protect themselves against the negative effects of Brexit, he accused us of taking part in Project Fear.
He concluded, “We don’t need British Airways, not while we can rely on patriotic British airlines like Ryanair.”

95 and Out

Stan Lee has died, aged 95.  😞

Who was Stan Lee?

Lee was born in 1922 to working-class Jewish immigrants from Romania.
He began working at the comics section of Timely Publications - a company that would eventually transform into Marvel Comics - and became comics editor there at age 18.
But for years Lee wrote only simple comics focusing on crime stories, horrors and westerns aimed at young readers.
At age 40, Lee decided to give up on comics. But his wife Joan urged him to create the characters he always wanted to write as his comic swansong.
And in 1961, Lee and artist Jack Kirby created the Fantastic Four - compelling characters with individual personalities and relatable problems.
Timely Publications was renamed Marvel and the golden age of comic books had begun.
Many Marvel characters were groundbreaking at the time. For example, Black Panther was the first black superhero featured in a mainstream US comic.
Other characters he created include the Silver Surfer, the X-Men, Iron Man and Doctor Strange.
Lee was also known for giving artists their due credit. Kirby, Frank Miller, John Romitaand and others achieved cult status in their own right.
In its heyday, Marvel sold 50 million copies a year. Until he retired from editing in 1971, Lee wrote all the copy for Marvel's covers.



The most-borrowed book from the Houses of Parliament library is called How Parliament Works.


"One Time Password" which seems to be all the rage for "added security" and usually  major pain in the arse if (as I do) you dislike mobile phones.  It seems that nowadays doing anything with your on- line bank account necessitates in a OTP being sent via SMS to your phone and if you live abroad, it cause more harm than good.

That said, big up to two of our banks who now accept foreign mobile numbers and also email addresses.  A step in a good direction.

Viz Bits

Letterbocks – pornography on the web

My Mistake

I was under the impression that Shakespeare was credited with "inventing" the word assassin, a factual I proudly told wifey as we were watching something on the telly on the subject.

As usual, I was wrong.

Definition of assassin: to murder (a usually prominent person) by sudden or secret attack often for political reasons
Real Fact #807 – Shakespeare invented the word “assassination” and “bump.” 
Snapple Real Facts
We're sorry to diminish anyone's faith in the infallibility of Snapple Real Facts, but assassination was in use for at least several decades before Shakespeare first used it.
“…but where all treason, conspiracy, insurrection, assassination, empoisoment and utter destruction to the state is meant…” 
—Sir Thomas Smith, "Letter to Dr. Wilson," 11 April 1572

Looking back further, TIFO offers a load of decent info too:

The word “assassin” derives from a secretive murder cult in the 11th and 12th centuries called the “Hashishin”, meaning “hashish eaters”.  While much of the origin of this cult has been lost, the original leader was Hasan Ben Sabah, a prominent devotee of Isma’ili beliefs.  Hasan’s group was a cult of the Isma’ili sect of Muslims.
The name itself is from a possibly fabricated tale (perhaps fabricated by enemies of the Hashishin, as a way to explain how Sabah got his followers to be willing to be sent to their deaths so readily) that Hasan would have men kidnapped and brought to his strong hold.  There, they were drugged up with hashish and put into a hypnotic state.  After this trance-like state was induced, the men were offered sensual pleasures- beautiful handmaidens and harem girls and made to believe they were in heaven.
When they came out of the trance, they were sent out on gangland-type missions.  The men were told that if they attempted to kill prominent targets and things went sour, they would be given a quick return trip to paradise in order to make them fearless in their mission.
The name for these Isma’ili seems to have been given to them in a derogatory sense, not unlike similar terms today such as “pot heads”, “stoners”, “junky”, “crack head”, and the like.  Basically, it was a name given to them as a way to refer to them as “rabble”, “outcasts”, or “disreputable people”.
Beyond the legend, we know that this group of assassins had their main stronghold in Alamut (in northwestern Iran). At this stronghold, Sabah ran his secret society of assassins.  The order itself had five levels, the Grand Headmaster (originally Sabah); Greater Propagandists; Propagandists; Rafiqs; and Lasiqs.
The lowest order of the group, the Lasiqs, were the ones trained as assassins.  They were not just mindless people going around trying to kill people.  They were athletic individuals, highly trained in combat and the art of disguise, and generally extremely well educated and intelligent so that they could seem in place even among the elite of society among various cultures.
The general belief among this group was that killing a few top individuals was much more agreeable than fighting wars that cost so many thousands of lives.  The followers themselves are thought to have believed they were on a jihad, with Sabah holding the master plan for their holy war.  Whatever his true plan and motives, Sabah used his assassins liberally to murder various leaders and also took money for contract killings, supposedly so long as it fit with the master plan.
This group of killers became renowned and feared as expert assassins, seemingly able to penetrate anywhere at any time.  They didn’t just kill, but also extorted money using the threat of, “Pay up or we’ll send the Hashishin!”  They weren’t always just looking for money, though, they often influenced events by doing things such as leaving poisoned daggers in the floor next to beds of sleeping leaders with notes giving them instructions on what the Hashishin (or those who paid them) wished them to do, or else the next time the dagger would be planted in their breast, and things of this nature.  There are accounts of them even doing such things with guards posted outside of the sleeping chambers of leaders, yet the Hashishin still seemed to be able to get in and out undetected.
Despite their reputation as ruthless assassins, the group generally took special care not to harm anyone but their target in their killings, and particularly avoided killing commoners or other innocent bystanders-  hence the close association with only killing prominent people, which today the word “assassin” is so closely tied to.  You murder Joe Smith and you’ll just be called a murderer.
They finally met their match when it is thought they attempted to kill Möngke Khan.  The Mongols then set about sending their forces against the various Hashishin strongholds and they were finally defeated at Alamut in 1256, though later re-took it, only to lose it again.  While their strongholds were gone and the society more or less finished, members of the cult still operated somewhat independently for another century or so after the group as a whole was crushed.
The word “assassin” first popped up in English around the 16th century via French and Italian from this Arabic word “hashishin”, meaning “hashish eaters”, which at that point was the commonly accepted name of the legendary Isma’ili group of assassins which had long been wiped out.