Sunday, 8 November 2009

Transfer to PP

We also have three nights in the capital, Phnom Penh before we take our guest to Bangkok for her first ever visit to Thailand. We have options on how to get there, ranging from flying (too expensive), taking the boat (too long and possibly risky due to current high water levels), taxi or bus.

A private taxi will cost $60 and takes about four hours. An air conditioned bus (with on board bog) will cost $7.50/head and takes around six hours. I think the bus wins it. :o)

Meeting Up With Savong

Just arranged to go and visit Savong's School tomorrow to see the good work they do there. Hopefully we'll be able to help out a little bit, but this will be one of the highlights of our trip. Can't wait.

Last MotoGP of the Year

We know that Rossi has already been crowned world champion (again) but he's not quick enough at Valencia, Spain to top the poles. That was Stoner who is on some run after his mid-season lay off due to a mystery illness. The standings for the race later today:

Valencia MotoGP qualifying result:

1 C Stoner (Aus) Ducati 1min 32.256secs
2 D Pedrosa (Spn) Honda 1:32.519
3 J Lorenzo (Spn) Fiat Yamaha 1:32.537
4 V Rossi (Ita) Fiat Yamaha 1:32.922
5 C Edwards (US) Tech 3 Yamaha 1:33.085
6 N Hayden (US) Ducati 1:33.154
7 R de Puniet (Fr) Honda 1:33.391
8 T Elias (Spn) Honda 1:33.475
9 B Spies (US) Yamaha 1:33.539
10 A Dovizioso (It) Honda 1:33.678

14 J Toseland (GB) Tech 3 Yamaha 1:34.107

Unlucky, Dave

Spurs get a dodgy win by beating Sunderland at the Lane 2-0 and by all accounts, it was a fortunate result. Don't care, we sneak back into fourth (for the moment) and that me makes well 'appy, innit?

Not so good for Southend who go out of the FA Cup in the third round by losing to rivals Gillingham 3-0 but the Toon are chuffed as they win 3-1 at blahblah.com ground against Peterborough. Bielefeld squeeze out a 0-0 draw at Frankfurt but at least gain a valuable point away from home and keeps them at the top of the table by that one precious point. I'm not complaining.

First Khmer Scoff

Picking a local (as in not geared toward western palates) restaurant at random, we grabbed a table and checked out the extensive menu. We ended up getting a fish Amok, a fish curry, steamed fish, beef and yellow noodles, plus a tofu vegetable stir fry.

Add three bowls of rice, two tins of pop and a banana milk shake, (m-i-l loves her fruit shakes and smoothies) and we dined like starved people who hadn't seen food in days. Quality was good but it wasn't seasoned well enough for me; I guess after two months in Thailand most food will seem a little bland and spice-less. However, with added chilli and soya sauce, we tucked in and thoroughly enjoyed the food.

The bill came to just $11.50 for all three of us...

Getting Back

It's a freebie into town but unless you want to tie yourself down with a specific time to be collected, it's better to hail a tuk-tuk back. Don't worry about finding one, they are in abundance and they literally throw themselves at you if you even dare to look their way.

Expect to pay around $2 per trip or maybe $1/person, it depends on distance, time and destination- if there is little chance of a return fare, you have to pay slightly more. Always agree a price before stepping in and always haggle. I know it sounds daft haggling for a dollar, but it's good practise and the more you do it, the more at ease you become. It's also good for the driver.

Last night we picked a guy to get us back. He and his colleagues all wanted the fare but you can only use one and so we played the game. He wanted three dollars and I wouldn't budge from two. I won and we eventually agreed on $2, but when we got to our pad, I still gave him three dollars, and here's why.

Not only do we like to tip the locals, it also gives him a bit extra if they are in a syndicate. His co-workers all heard us agree on $2 and so this gives him an extra buck for his own back bin or, he can go back to his pals with head held high and show them he can negotiate even harder to get full price. This makes it easy to get a lift next time and so every one wins.

Try it and see- you will always be looked after and for such reasonable sums, why ever not?

Dealing With the Dosh

The Riel is the correct local currency but it is given a back seat to the mighty US dollar, which is the required moolah. In fact, Riel is only ever used as small change, so if you visit, bring the Greenback and all will be well.

For info purposes, expect 4 000 Riel to a dollar, so every thousand is about twenty five cents.

City Centre

A vast difference to PP and very impressive. It has a couple of under cover markets, a massive night market, open-air cinema, so many bars, clubs, diners and restaurants you lose track; it really is a tourist magnet designed to grab any spare spending money you may have on you.

It's much more commercial than PP but just as pretty in architecture, designs and layout. Almost everyone walks around with a huge grin on their faces and even the pleasant approach by the hawkers is not intrusive. Best of all, if you shake your head, they still smile, shrug their shoulders and look to say "yeah, it's tat but maybe next time you'll fall for it". No hard sell, doe-eyed plastic stares, just an honest attempt to make a fair living.

Super Service

As the Mango Inn is slightly out of town, they provide a free tuk-tuk service any time you want to visit the city centre, which takes about ten minutes to reach. Again, it's quite delightful testing the spongy shock absorbers with your spine getting jolted on the pot holed roads (although the man road is good) and it still makes you manically laugh as you drive through on-coming traffic, whichever side of the road you wish to use.

Lane discipline and the Highway Code mean squat here and as with PP, it's every man-jack for themselves. You also get to see the most incredible sights as you bounce along the tracks they affectionately call roads and the cargoes the locals carry are sometimes unbelievable.

One gadgy had four dead pigs strapped across his pillion saddle that were wider than the bike was long. He didn't care, the pigs certainly didn't and it was as normal as the sun setting in the morning to see such laden scooters piling through the constant rush hour. Another was pulling a working spit with two dozen chickens getting a fair grilling and many more two wheelers with three or four people on them were beginning to become the norm.

I simply love this. :o)

Golden Mango Inn

Beautiful building set a short distance back from the busy main road down a red clay dusty path (until it rains), which is to be home for the next five nights. It's cool and decked out in the typically heavy wooden furniture and features of large Khmer residences and already it feels familiar and welcoming. As are all the staff, with huge smiles and rows of gleaming white teeth.

Our rooms are massive, with probably six times more space than the Tune Hotel hutch we stayed in the previous night, and they come with all the necessary creature comforts one expects and needs. A mini fridge to keep the drinks cool, cable TV with three filum channels, plus sports, news and loads of other stuff offers distractions if needed, we have good air-con, a top bed and the standard wet room, bathroom which is adequtae for our short stay. I'm not a fan of showers directly pouring into the bathroom, but it will have to do.

It's not the most modern of décor but this is not why we're here, but the charm and hospitality which is evident in abundance is almost embarrassing. This is lovely.

Nothing Like PP

Could this be the Cambodia we had experienced on our last visit; a month in Phnom Penh in August 2008? No way- where were the hectic throng of tuk-tuk drivers, the taxi bandits, the crowds milling around the airport? No, this was calm, tranquil even, and we were not hassled in the least.

As we exited the most pleasant airport, we were greeted by our driver Sam, who was chatty and happy to see us and we were all loaded into his tuk-tuk (luggage and all), which got us back to the Golden Mango Inn, in about 15-20 minutes. It was super to see the reaction of the m-i-l as she clung to the grab rail watching the scenery slowly chug past us. This was the best introduction we could have asked for and I am certain we are going to have the best time checking out Siem Reap over the next few days. :o)

Getting Here

With the ever reliable Air Asia and Tune Hotel combo, we landed safely, on time and were in and out of the airport as quickly as I've ever been.

Getting the visa on arrival was much easier than in Phnom Penh, although the system was identical. Fill in the numerous forms, hand over your passport with the cash ($20/head) and watch your documents be passed along the line of about 8-9 people, all of whom laugh at your mug shot and stamp a piece of paper before handing it back to you with the visa in place at the end of the line.

Great job creation, but it works a treat and we were all permitted entry into Cambodia.

Happy Birthday

To Tree, aka Mrs Webby (whose birthday is later on in the month too). Have a super day, burd, and we'll be thinking of you as ever. :o)

Saturday, 7 November 2009

More Soon

The girls are in the process of getting up (we've all had a kip this afternoon after little more than fours hours sleep since we left BKK due to stupid o'clock flights out of KL) so we're off to check out the town. More as and when but I believe we're off to Angkor Wat tomorrow so we'll fill in bits when we get the chance and hope the connection holds.

Laters, people.

Clearly Brits Need Help

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I found this rather amusing in our bathroom at the Tune Hotel at LCCT- it gave a four picture instruction sequence for English reading guests on how to close the shower door. What are they trying to say? Blinding. :o)

Top People at AA

For some reason, the m-i-l decided she wanted to travel with two pieces of luggage. Both small bags but on extra nonetheless, which she was refused at Newcastle, flying down to Stansted, unless she wanted to cough an extra £18. She didn't and managed to re-jig her stuff so one went into the hold and one went on as hand luggage.

Oddly enough Air Asia were fine with two pieces and allowed her to stash them both in the hold and again flying on from KL to Siem, today. They really do look after their older passengers and we had a faultless flight from Malaysia to Cambodia.

Nearly Mugged

At the currency exchange booth. Following the unexpected expenditure of a much needed travel plug (yeah, right) we changed up another tenner to Ringgit. Except the guy IMO quite deliberately only put down a fiver on the form and gave us back half the money we should have had.

I was away with the fairies and didn'tt check, but wifey's ex sleuthing skills as an accountant picked up on it right away and she marched back to confront the guy. He sheepishly made amends but it pays to pay attention, particularly when you've not had much kip.

The M-i-L Lands

Leaving Stansted fashionably late (around half an hour) we were amazed to find that wifey's mum had arrived in Kuala Lumpur a full forty five minutes ahead of schedule. Not only was the flight "excellent" but there was plenty of leg room and she was well looked after.

Looks like Air Asia X is another winner and could see repeat business over the forthcoming years. As will the Tune Hotel at KL's LCCT. A comfy double bed, a top power shower and a seven minute walk to the Departure terminal. We paid £7.50 per room for the night...

Feckin' Arse

Completely forgot to pack our travel plug and as Thailand has a unique plug, the lappie power lead was not going to fit in Siem Reap. I found a replacement at the airport and ended up paying a tenner for the privilege (although this is a jolly decent which has anti-surge protection and hopefully some flashing lights) but on arriving at our room, they have modern plugs which accept the Thai three pin set up. Humph...

Bali

Got kids? Take them on hols to Bali which loves the little people. Babies are believed to embody the soul of reincarnated ancestors until the age of 42 days and further folklore dictates that a child's feet must not touch the ground until they are at least 105 days old.

Easy life, eh?

Pimms (No 1 Cup)

Universally famous as a Great British summer, long drink, were you aware that the full name was derived from the tankard it was served in way back in 1823? Yip, and it also came in six different varieties in the old days, depending on which alcohol it was based on. Only two exist nowadays- No 1 which is gin based and No 6, which is on the vodka.

Killing Time

We arrived in good time and wandered around before piling through to departures. Just before we were checking out a display of items which are not permitted on flights and it was all the cool stuff like nunchakus, shuriken throwing stars, tasers, flick knives- the usual school boy's dream arsenal.

The cabinet that housed these fun toys was situated in the centre of the hall with enough room to drive a double decker bus around each side- sideways. However, I heard a polite voice ask "excuse me" and was amazed to see some daft bint asking me to move out of her way with a barely loaded trolly. It had one medium sized bag!

Excuse me, pet? You can push a panzer tank and marching band through the gaps and you still need me to get out of your way? A great advert for weemin bleedin' drivers, love...

Overall

By far the cheapest way to get to the international airport from Sukhumvit but there are limits. The bus fills up quickly early on in its route, so try to get on at Tesco Lotus- even if there are no free seats, they will still cram people in.

Try not to take large amounts of luggage as you will have to balance it on your lap; big bags are out.

Finally, the music is bloody awful and the driver plays it at mark 11 on the loudness wheel. Do not travel with a hangover.

Aside from that, the service rocks.

Stop in the Name of the Law

We would have made it in quicker time, but the bus was stopped by Dibble who made a song and dance about something and held us up for quite some time as the driver had to produce loads of paperwork. I'm not sure if any money was paid for "fines" but I have to say it didn't look very convincing at all...

First Time Experience

We usually get a taxi to the airport as the Sky Train doesn't reach there yet (apparently Christmas but they have yet to confirm which Christmas) and you can't take a local bus with luggage as you'll get lynched. Reckon on a 45 minute transfer by cab at around THB 300-400 (~£6- £8).

We've mentioned this before but there is now a mini bus service which runs to the airport and leaves from Tesco Lotus car park, a mere 30 seconds away. We got on, had the bus to ourselves and were charged a ridiculous THB 50 (less than a quid) for the two of us.

Yes, it takes a little longer (in all it was bang on an hour) but it was just as easy and simple to reach the airport in good time and save a fortune. It was also fun to sit with locals as the bus filled en route, so business is going rather well.

Leaving the Imm

It's always sad to leave but this time we knew we'd be back shortly and we also had to meet wifey's mum, so something to look forward to. However, two things occurred as we were about to head for the airport.

Mr Saeri, the General Manager of the hotel made it into work after having some time off due to an accident- he had taken a nasty tumble in his bathroom and knocked his head quite badly. Requiring several stitches he made an appearance on our last day and, I have to say, he looked awful, with half his face in bandages and looking ashen and drawn. It seems he slipped on wet tiles and smashed his face into the corner of the sink.

And it's the second time he's taken a fall in his own bathroom! Speedy recovery Mr A- we look forward to seeing you whole and healthy when we next visit.

Secondly, can anyone tell me of a hotel where Housekeeping buys their guests a farewell gift? Didn't think so- but our pals at the Imm bought us some lovely local presents as we were leaving, which were not only exquisitely wrapped but they had also taken the time and effort to write in perfect English.

Now that is what you call service with a smile. :o)

Putting the Kettle On

America consumes enough energy, per household each day, to boil away 2 430 pounds of water.

BIG Thanks to B-i-L, Dave

Got the S-VHS cable and adaptor to convert the other end into a single phono socket. Unfortunately, we've not got the Vaio with us at the moment but as soon as we're able to check it out, we'll let you know. If this works out, it will make such a difference. Thanks for all your efforts- a Tiger tower awaits your next visit.

As You Can See

We're connected and it seems to be a solid enough connection. No doubt it will fail on occasion and so you'll just have to bear with us. Not only is the download rate slow (currently 18 Mbps) but we're on the Mini HP as we're travelling lightly. This is just going to take a little time and patience.

And We're Here

Our first time in Siem Reap and it sure looks swell. However, as per the norm, we'll just catch up on a few posts on how we got here before we go out and explore a bit. The we can let you know what you're missing.

Friday, 6 November 2009

That's It, For Now

Next post should come to you from Siem Reap, some time over the weekend. Enjoy the "p & q" and see you all soon.

Upgrade

In keeping with the hotel's theme, they have "do not disturb" door hangers which are very ornate and decorative, but lightweight and flimsy. They are therefore weighted by fake gems (the signs hang off ribbons and can turn to "please make up room" if they weren't held in place by the weight of the stones) and while it works, there is a downside..

They look fine and serve their purpose no question, but they are a major irritation as people slam their doors close and you hear the "death rattle" as the faux jewels clatter against the door- great first thing in the morning for the sensible people lying in and missing breakfast.

Finally, they've changed them (it's only taken a year and a half) to a standard, plastic sign and they are blissfully silent. :o)

Last Night, Last Night

Going against the tradition of staying in the night before we travel, we "popped" out for a final, quick farewell to the guys at the night market. That was the first mistake.

A blinding evening out, good music, company and our last night of freedom. M-i-l is now in the air and heading for Kuala Lumpur- where we're off to shortly.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

The Weekly Dove In

Mens 3 vs East London 2 Lost 7-1 Scorer: Fraser

MOM: Armie
JOS: Luke Fraser
Chilli: Clarky

All I’m saying is it could have been worse; it could have been the whole of London not just the East. We weren’t quite as bad as the score suggested and played well in the second half and for fifteen minutes of the first half; but they worked out quickly that we weren’t quick or fit or adaptable and passed their way into a healthy lead very quickly. Personally I think there should be rules against fit and fast young players against us; it must be some form of cheating when Giles can’t even get close enough to chop them down. The fact Armie got MOM and still conceded six tells its own story. On the bright side, it didn’t rain. Thanks to Kiera Guy for playing on pitch for me when I decided it wasn’t polite to throw up on the opposition no matter how much they were beating us by. Our goal was scored by Luke who scored one and missed one by stopping it on the line with his foot and nailed the jacket in the process.

Continuing in our generous mood, we not only gifted the opposition the match, we then served them three very decent varieties of chilli. Clarky won the vote for his spicy beef mince and vegetable casserole served in a nice white earthenware bowl. I thought it was a chilli competition not a casserole cook off but hey ho I’m not bitter. To rub salt in the wound for Giles and me, the selection of Mr Kipling factory cooked cakes came second and we only got a vote each! So Clarky is officially the Third XI chief mincer and I for one congratulate him for that.

Dovey

The Real Story

Scots implement £1000 train fare to keep out the Cornish

Scots implement £1000 train fare to keep out the Cornish thumbnail

The people of Scotland yesterday launched a new campaign to keep Cornish people out of their country by ensuring tickets to visit their country by train will cost over £1000.

The move comes after an incessant stream of cider-drinking bumpkins made their way north to enjoy the unique hospitality only Scotland can offer.

A Scottish tourist board spokesperson told us, “We hate the Cornish with their funny food and backwards ways. There, I said it.”

“It seems the most effective way of keeping them out is make is as expensive to visit us here as it is to go to Australia, though we still think the we’ll be lumbered with the really determined ones.”

“They come up here and see the wonderful array of alcohol on offer yet insist on drinking cider with ‘the bits left in’. It’s disgusting behaviour.”

“And their favourite food it meat inside pastry, PASTRY! Why not just throw it a sheep’s intestine like any normal person would, the bloody freaks.”

“We’re absolutely sick of them coming up here with the healthy glow and surfers bodies thinking they’re all that, so we’re hoping this train fare will put an end to it.”

Cornish response

The people of Cornwall have reacted with complete ambivalence to the move encouraging them stop them travelling to Scotland.

“We don’t want to go anyway, why not make it two thousand pounds?” said one Cornish holiday-maker.

“If I wanted to go somewhere full of pale people getting drunk and eating fried food I’d visit Basingstoke.”

Another told us, “I went once, I was there four hours before I began contemplating suicide. Never again.”

From NArse.

First £1 000 Rail Fare in UK

No, that's not for a season ticket, but for a "turn-up-and-go", first-class return from Newquay in Cornwall to the Kyle of Lochalsh in the Scottish Highlands. The trip covers around 1 700 miles and will set you back £1 002 from the CrossCountry train company. A public transport campaigner for the Campaign for Better Transport said:

"The Newquay £1 000 fare shows just how pricey and complicated the fare structure is. We think fares in this country are far too expensive. They are the most expensive in Europe. We think the Government should step in and review how they regulate fares."

A spokesbod for CrossCountry said:

"No-one has actually bought this £1 000 fare but it does exist. Someone wanting a first-class return would be likely to book a saver return in advance and pay £561."

Great Idea

Deutsche Bahn has announced a special 20€ ticket in celebration of the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall- but they will only be available for a limited time.

The Mauerfall-Spezial (“Wall-fall special”) can be purchased beginning on 9th November at precisely 18:57 until 03:00 the following day, which mirrors the day and time of an East German press conference that announced the immediate lifting of travel restrictions for the country’s residents. The Berlin Wall fell hours later, speeding the collapse of the communist regime and German reunification a year later.

The offer, available online and select ticket offices, is valid for travel on the 20 days between 12th November and 1st December 2009.

Yay, Sesame Street

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Yesterday we had the 20th anniversary of Wallace and Gromit, today we have another tribute for Sesame Street as it celebrates forty years, making it the longest running children's TV programme. Excellent.

Big Up to the Plastic Plod in Portsmouth

An army veteran, who has fought in Bosnia, Afghanistan and Iraq, and was selling the poppies at a Portsmouth shopping centre, was stopped by a security guard. He was asked if he had permission to sell the flowers, but when he refused to fill in a permission slip, which included completing a risk assessment, the guard asked him to leave the premises.

Last year he raised more than £1 500 by selling poppies at the same venue but this time he managed just £250 before being told to leave. He said:

"I didn't require a risk assessment when I was sent to Northern Ireland, Bosnia, Afghanistan, or Iraq. But I require one to stand on Gunwharf Quays property to sell poppies. I'm utterly disgusted."

What a way to honour the fallen. :-(

Getting Up One's Nose

Research carried out in Britain by the Flower Council of Holland, who questioned 2 000 people, has revealed what ticks off Britons the most. Top of the pile of gripes is getting to your bus stop and seeing the bus pulling away, the second most irritating incident is being caught by an unexpected downpour without an umbrella or raincoat, with getting a parking fine coming in third. Other minor annoyances include being told you're late paying a bill and needing a filling.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned Councils or MPs...

Congrats to TTel

Telegraph Media Group has been presented with an international award for its investigation into MPs' expenses.

TTel accepted the Reporters World Award from King Juan Carlos of Spain at a ceremony at the Palace Hotel in Madrid. The award from El Mundo, the respected Spanish newspaper, was made in recognition of the international impact of the expenses coverage.

More than 40 politicians announced their resignation in the wake of the investigation, including the Speaker of the House of Commons, which dominated the news agenda for weeks. El Mundo said the award had been given to Telegraph Media Group for its coverage

"not only because it was the most eye-catching and relevant series of articles published in the last decade by any European newspaper but also because it had real consequences for the British citizens and for their politicians."

Well done everyone but please don't stop- keep hounding the greedy bastards until every last one of them pays back exactly what they have conned out of the system.

Money Spinner

The "For Dummies" books have generated an estimated $1.13 billion in revenue. I wonder if they do one for Blogging?

Toys Over the Years

Woolworths (despite the stores having closed) celebrates its 100th birthday this month and commemorates the landmark by revealing the best-selling toys over the last ten decades- as per TTel, which also has the pictures.

1909: Kewpie Doll.

Kewpie dolls and figurines were one of the most popular toys of the early 1900's and were based on comic strip-like illustrations that appeared in Ladies' Home Journal. The Kewpie dolls were sold in FW Woolworths.

1919: The Hornby Train.

The Hornby Train was a model train made by Meccano and was based in Liverpool, the same town where Woolworths first made its name. The Hornby brand went on to be a huge success with families worldwide.

1929: Duncan Yo-Yo.

US entrepreneur Donald Duncan can be credited with making the Yo-yo one of the most popular toys of the 20's. The Yo-yo has continued to be enjoyed by both children and adults alike long into the 21st century.

1939: Monopoly.

The famous board game was patented in the 1930's and is one of the most commercially-successful board games in history with 485 million players worldwide. It continues to be a hugely popular game played by families everywhere.

1949: Lego bricks.

Lego bricks were first introduced to the toy market in the late 1940's. The 'Automatic Binding Bricks', a forerunner of the LEGO bricks we know today were first introduced in four colours.

1959: Barbie Doll.

Barbie was first introduced in 1959 as a teenage fashion doll and in its first year of production alone sold over 350,000 Barbie dolls. More than 40 years later, Barbie continues to be one of the most popular toys available.

1969: James Bond Aston Martin toy car.

This model Aston Martin DB5 car was launched by Corgi just before release of Thunderball in December 1965 and was hugely popular in this decade. It became Corgi's most popular product with over seven million sold.

1979: Trivial Pursuit.

It was developed in the late 1970's and became an instant hit sensation with UK families. Its success was based on the development of worldwide pop culture and the game still remains an after-dinner favorite today.

1989: Rubik's cube.

As of January 2009, 350 million cubes have sold worldwide making it the world's top-selling puzzle game. It is also widely considered to be the world's best selling toy ever.

1999: Pokemon trading cards.

The collectible card game based on the Pokémon video game series was a huge hit in the UK toy market in the late 1990's. Upon its release Pokemon immediately became one of the most sought-after card games in history.

2009: X Factor Karaoke Machine.

This party gift set is Woolies' most popular toy so far this year. Complete with illuminated mirror ball, karaoke machine, two microphones and CDs with 30 tracks it shows how much TV programmes dictate toy fashions today.

It all starts to go down hill from the 90s onwards, wouldn't you say?

New MP Expenses Rules

Within hours of the new rules emerging, MPs were back in the tea-room, calculating how best to work the system. Sir Christopher Kelly’s reform package creates a set of perverse incentives and dilemmas. TTimes has a guide on how different groups of MPs can “game” the system.

New MPs

MPs who live within 60 minutes of Westminster will have no option other than to commute daily. The rest have the choice of renting or living in a hotel. Business hotels within walking distance of the Palace of Westminster, such as the City Inn on Millbank, can accommodate MPs for the £120-a-night budget — so long as they book in advance. The £25 evening meal budget will go far in the Pizza Express downstairs.

MPs who own a property

Sell now, sell later or don’t sell at all — the biggest dilemma created by the report, with second-home owners potentially thousands of pounds out of pocket if they pick wrongly. Sir Christopher has ruled that MPs must rent rather than claim mortgage interest, with five years’ grace before the swap is enforced. But, starting immediately, all MPs who make money by selling properties part-funded by the taxpayer must return the proportion they claim on expenses. So MPs have four options:

• Don’t claim any mortgage interest: Some MPs are talking about an immediate end to mortgage interest claims, because they will only have to hand the money back later.

• Sell the property immediately: The downside is that property prices are still about 16 per cent below their peak, meaning that they could lose money on a sale.

• Sell after Christmas: Sir Christopher predicted that house prices were likely to rise before the five-year transition is up, offsetting any loss. But this will mean big bills to repay the taxpayer the amount they claimed to fund the property. How will this rebate be calculated? What happens if the house is owned jointly by husband and wife?

• Don’t sell until you stop being an MP: Those MPs who keep their second homes until the Parliament after next will be able to keep the proceeds of any sale after they stand down. But only those with deep pockets can do this since mortgage interest alone for a house you do not need could cost £60,000 over five years.

MPs who want to rent

Sir Christopher wants to give MPs the option of renting from a parliamentary housing agent. But would it be wise to take up this offer, or find a place themselves?

• MPs using the parliamentary housing provider are likely to be given a choice of two furnished one-bedroom flats. The agents will sort out council tax and utility bills, maintenance, management and other tedious tasks. But would you want to find Sir Patrick Cormack living next door?

• MPs can take the £1,250 on offer and find a place of their own, topping up from their own salary if necessary. The downside is the hassle — and the fact that Parliament will no longer pay for their washing machine or dishwasher. How will they keep clean?

MPs considering retirement

Sir Christopher proposes cutting the generous severance payment for retiring MPs from £40,000-£60,000 to just eight weeks’ pay — coming into force the election after next. This will create two perverse incentives:

• MPs who are considering retiring are more likely to become “bed blockers” and hold on.

• Meanwhile those want to stand down have no financial incentive to wait until a general election, triggering a by-election. Either way, a headache for party leaders.

MPs who employ their spouse

Sack, divorce, wife-swap or encourage them to take you to court? All these options are being discussed by MPs dismayed at Sir Christopher’s ban on employing spouses. Those not contemplating defeat are seriously discussing court action, saying that they might get their wives to sue them and then claim back the damages on expenses.

The winner

One of the few not to lose out from Sir Christopher Kelly’s report is a millionaire businessman. Adam Afriyie’s Windsor constituency is on the fringes of London and he is likely to be caught by the “60-minute” commuting rule that will bar him from claiming for a second property.

In fact, the Tory is a paragon of virtue, having voluntarily forgone his £23,000-a-year second home allowance. Nor does he employ a spouse or use any of the £10,000-a-year communication allowance. He has a second home in Westminster, which colleagues admire jealously, but funds it entirely out of his own pocket.

The loser

Adam Holloway could find himself nearly £40,000 less well off. The Tory MP lives in Gravesham, Kent, which may be deemed a “reasonable” distance to commute. Last year he claimed £22,587 on his second home allowance and £21,063 on the communications allowance. As a result of the furore, he gave up his rental accommodation.

“When I haven’t had a second home I’ve had to sleep on my father’s sofa,” he said. “Tonight I will be in the Commons for a vote at seven o’clock, I have a lot of work to do afterwards, and will probably end up sleeping on my office sofa. I’m 44 and it’s not what I was elected to do. I must be allowed some sort of life.”

Nettle Soup

One in 12 people are immune to the irritants of stinging nettle.

Lucky people.

And Still the Death Toll Mounts

TTel reports on the killing of yet another five British victims in the on-going war in Afghanistan by saying:

The murder of five British soldiers by a rogue member of the Afghan police force has intensified the debate over the future of the British mission in Afghanistan.

I'm not sure I understand this though. How can one have murder if one is at war?

Ninety two British service personnel have now been killed this year in Afghanistan, making 2009 the worst year for British forces since the Falklands war. The total British death toll in the Afghanistan conflict now stands at 229. And for what?

Dilbert

Click to Enlarge

Short, Sharp, Sweet and Sensational

Is how I'd sum up Following, by the highly talented Christopher Nolan's (Memento, which came a year after this, Batman Begins and Dark Knight) on his directorial debut.

He cleverly uses time lines to manipulate the story but following the plot is simple if you concentrate on the appearance of his main character, Bill, who is a wanna-be writer.

He starts to follow complete strangers around to observe where they live and what they do in an effort to hone his writing craft, but it all goes a bit off line when he tracks a random guy called Cobb. When confronted by Cobb, Bill begins an uneasy relationship with the man, that draws him into the world of breaking and entering, burglary, fraud and a touch of voyeurism. Then it really starts to hot up.

You just know it's not all as it seems and you will not be disappointed. Everything you see fits together snugly without the usual oversights in continuity or consistency and you will be well satisfied at the end as nothing is over looked. I won't spoil the filum by revealing any more about it, but do yourself a favour and try and get hold of a copy.

It is in black and white throughout (though you soon forget it is and it seems better for the mood of the movie anyway) and even more oddly, it's just a shade over an hour long. However, that all just adds to the charm of it and you'll be hooked within five minutes.

Best Fans in the World

Man City to make £50m bid for Newcastle United supporters

Man City to make £50m bid for Newcastle United supporters thumbnail

Premier League billionaires Manchester City have today launched an audacious bid for the entire fan base of recently relegated Newcastle United.

The unexpected move has come as part of City’s plans to be the best supported club in the world, and the so-called ‘Best Supporters In The World ™’ have provided a logical starting point.

The move will see each of Newcastle United’s 50,000 ‘regulars’ offered £1,000 to change their allegiances to Manchester City.

“Our competitive advantage is our financial position, and we will buy anything and everything we feel will help us improve this football club.” Said City boss Mark Hughes.

“Securing the Newcastle United fans offers us a great opportunity to improve our position as the best supported club in the league,”

“They have just the sort of experience we’re looking for, in that they’ve enjoyed fleeting periods of great expectation followed almost immediately by abject failure, which will be useful to us in the next two years.”

Unlimited funds

Hughes continued, “We’ll happily pay top dollar for supporters who will blindly follow their team and defend them as the greatest in the world in the face of over-whelming evidence to the contrary.”

“And in that respect, the Geordies really are second to none.”

The Newcastle fans, who will not be subjected to a medical, are expected to have a ‘fully clothed at all times’ clause inserted into their Man City contracts.

A Newcastle spokesperson said that although the move has come at a bad time for them, the entire fee will be used to rebuild the supporter base into a slimmer, better looking unit which they hope will be “the envy of the Championship”.

Linked to the previous post, from NArse. :o)

TheToon@dot.com

Newcastle United have renamed their ground the sportsdirect.com @ St James' Park Stadium for the immediate future, which sounds as zippy as a Quango director's job title.

The club said it was looking to sell the naming rights to St James' Park from next season, but it had decided to use the retail company controlled by club owner Mike Ashley as an example in the meantime, to demonstrate the potential for other corporations. Their chief executive said:

"We will showcase Sports Direct until the end of the season. I'm sure we're going to get a sponsor in for next season."

Whatever they eventually name the ground, the fans will never get behind it and I can't say I blame them.