Tuesday, 20 February 2018

News Thump

UKIP leadership quiz
In the time that it’s taken you to read this sentence, there’s every chance that angry red-faced man party UKIP will have fired their leader and be on the look-out for literally anyone to have a crack at running the party.
Could it be you? Just answer these simple questions to find out.

Do you have what it takes to lead UKIP?
Can you lead UKIP to the next glorious phase in its history? Answer these questions to find out!


We are gradually starting to sort out our nephew's holiday when he visits us in July.  As part of the trip we will be taking him and his girlfriend to Cambodia and I have just heard back from the City River Hotel. 

They have confirmed they will offer us our usual (rather generous) discount for both rooms.  Marvellous.

Getting Better

It may only be their first win in quite some time (far too many draws) but Arminia have risen to 5th.  Rather pleased with that.  😎

Thu25/01/182.BArminia Bielefeld0 - 0Greuther FürthMore info
Tue30/01/182.BBochum0 - 1Arminia BielefeldView eventsMore info
Tue06/02/182.BArminia Bielefeld1 - 1Union BerlinView eventsMore info
Sat10/02/182.BMSV Duisburg2 - 2Arminia BielefeldView eventsMore info
Sat17/02/182.BArminia Bielefeld2 - 0Darmstadt 98View eventsMore info
Sat24/02/182.BArminia Bielefeld00 : 30Dynamo DresdenMore info
Sun04/03/182.BHeidenheim19 : 30Arminia BielefeldMore info
Sat10/03/182.BArminia Bielefeld00 : 30NürnbergMore info
Sat17/03/182.BFortuna Düsseldorf00 : 30Arminia BielefeldMore info
Sun01/04/182.BArminia Bielefeld18 : 30Holstein KielMore info



Viz Bits

Letterbocks – bluebottles

BBC Sports Page

It is usually my first "go to" (after C & H, of course) but I am finding it more and more disappointing.  All I want on the front/first page of the football tab is what all the results were in the Premiership, the full table and which games are coming up on the day.  Leave all the rest of the clutter for further down the page.

But instead we get half-baked "headlines", far too many video clips (don't forget, these will not run outside of the UK so a waste of space for ex-pats) and links to minor specialist stories.

I have nowt against the lower leagues, far from it, but I don't want to wade through these articles to simply see what last night's results were.  The BBC used to be untouchable in its content and layout, now it's barely an also ran.  Very disappointing.

Are You Sure

We've concluded viewing some long term TV series we've been following (finally seen all of The Office US, Psychoville and Breaking Bad to name bit a few) and that included series 7 of Frasier.

It's been a bit hit and miss for me as they have resorted to far too much slapstick lampoonery but by far their biggest crime was to introduce Daphne's brother into the show.  Odious character aside, WTF did they have to find a guy who's "English" accent is even worse than Dick Van Dyke's piss poor attempt in Mary Poppins?

His bungled efforts make me cringe every time he opens his big fat gob and it is all I can do to leave the room.  Hitting the mute button is some small mercy.

If they can pick quality English actors/actresses for roles, why did they have to select this guy for the part?  I just don't get it but at least he's not around for the start of series 8.


Watched this classic French film again to cure a massive Changover and what a treat.  It is simply one of my favourite films of all time (certainly in the top five) and if you have never seen it, you a really missing out.

IMDb gives you the lowdown:

Amélie is a story about a girl named Amélie whose childhood was suppressed by her Father's mistaken concerns of a heart defect. With these concerns Amélie gets hardly any real life contact with other people. This leads Amélie to resort to her own fantastical world and dreams of love and beauty. 

She later on becomes a young woman and moves to the central part of Paris as a waitress. After finding a lost treasure belonging to the former occupant of her apartment, she decides to return it to him. After seeing his reaction and his new found perspective - she decides to devote her life to the people around her. 

Such as, her father who is obsessed with his garden-gnome, a failed writer, a hypochondriac, a man who stalks his ex girlfriends, the "ghost", a suppressed young soul, the love of her life and a man whose bones are as brittle as glass. But after consuming herself with these escapades - she finds out that she is disregarding her own life and damaging her quest for love. 

Amélie then discovers she must become more aggressive and take a hold of her life and capture the beauty of love she has always dreamed of.

If at First

You don't succeed...

Instead of doing what we usually do when something goes wrong; chuck cash as the problem, I had another crack at our leaking hose in the bathroom.

A flash of inspiration, some PTFE tape, two new "O" rings and a fresh blood blister has now seen the problem solved.  For now at any rate.  In the end I attached the new head to the other (new) tube) crimped both ends off with pliers and jammed them on.

Dry as a bone overnight, so job's a good 'un.

C & H

December 22, 1986

Monday, 19 February 2018

Science Factuals


Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street. He asked her name.'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa. 'I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts' he replied. He touched her Creme Eggs and slipped his hand into her Snickers. He fondled her Flap Jacks as she rubbed his Tic Tacs. It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight and he shot his chewy centre. But 3 days later his sherbert dib-dab started to itch. Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he's got feckin' Allsorts!

Seeing Red

Here's the team sheet for the "match" between Vitoria and Bahia in Brazil.  10 red and 8 yellows.  The BBC has the report but it certainly sounds like a belter...

Match Report

One last cross, one last chance for Rochdale to rescue the Wembley dream that had cruelly disappeared when Harry Kane scored an 88th-minute penalty for Tottenham. In it came, Spotland held its breath as it fell at the feet of Steve Davies and the substitute held his nerve to find the bottom corner. League One’s bottom club have their date under the arch after all. It was a fairytale ending, richly deserved and brilliantly executed.
Here was the FA Cup in all its majesty. One of the most financially stretched clubs in England stretched to the limit a team that outplayed Juventus in the Champions League five days earlier. Keith Hill’s side undeniably merited a second bite at their Premier League guests but a replay, one that will take their income from this season’s Cup run beyond £1m, seemed to have been ripped from them when Harrison McGahey tripped Dele Alli and Kane scored on the ground where he made his professional debut in 2011.
But Rochdale would not be denied. They had performed with spirit and no little quality throughout and, when Matthew Done’s cross broke for Davies off the head of Toby Alderweireld, only the most hard-hearted of Spurs supporters could have begrudged the precise finish that followed.
Spotland erupted. Mauricio Pochettino patted the grizzly beard of his Rochdale counterpart Hill and exited down the tunnel. A relaid pitch proved to be the least of the Spurs manager’s concerns at Spotland where he made several changes, summoned both Alli and Kane from the bench, and ended up with an unwanted addition to his already demanding schedule. The replay will support Rochdale’s finances for the next two to three years, said Hill. Performances of this calibre will also assist their fight to avoid relegation to League Two. Hill’s side were exemplary and Pochettino had the good grace to say he was thankful to “still be alive” in the FA Cup.
The tone of an uncomfortable evening in Lancashire for Spurs was set when Alderweireld slipped on the relaid pitch from kick-off. Rochdale were entirely responsible for the troubles of the Premier League visitors, however, not a pitch that had drained £500,000 from a club that can ill-afford such a hit on its resources. Or could not before this Cup run.
Lucas Moura made his first start for Tottenham since his £23m move from Paris Saint-Germain and impressed with his penetrating runs and the cool finish that cancelled out Ian Henderson’s excellent opener. The link-up play between Fernando Llorente and Son Heung-min also tested the Rochdale defence but they were alert to Spurs’ quick intentions and gave their midfield the confidence to play with composure. Gradually, remarkably, Rochdale emerged as the more threatening team in a first half that made a mockery of their lowly league position and the gulf between the two clubs.
Rochdale’s midfield trio of Andrew Cannon, Callum Camps and Mark Kitching were outstanding. Henderson was a 33-year-old dynamo of relentless energy and dangerous movement in attack. The central defence of McGahey, Jimmy McNulty and Ryan Delaney were concentrated and powerful, although a bit too much when McGahey clattered into Harry Winks from behind and somehow escaped a card. They could not contain Spurs entirely – really, how could they? – but the visitors only seriously tested the Rochdale goalkeeper, Josh Lillis, once before the break. Lillis proved equal to Son’s low effort after the striker was put through by Llorente, who side-footed horribly wide when the South Korean returned the favour from the rebound.
The tie was played out amid a wonderful atmosphere that would have intensified earlier had Henderson converted two decent chances before his sixth goal in this season’s FA Cup arrived on the stroke of half-time. His first was placed too close to Spurs’ keeper and captain for the day Michel Vorm after Cannon had wrestled possession from Victor Wanyama in central midfield. His second was sliced across goal when picked out unmarked on the left of the Spurs’ penalty area. His third sight of goal produced a moment that will linger long in Rochdale’s history.
Henderson’s breakthrough encapsulated their first-half performance. It stemmed from a challenge by Camps to deny Moura inside the Rochdale area. In an instant Hill’s team were on the counterattack and Cannon fired the perfect pass behind the visiting defence for the former Norwich City forward, who almost quit the game to study dentistry five years ago, to sidefoot a superb first-time finish into the bottom corner. Spotland shook in celebration.
The Champions League guests were facing an examination of their character as well as their application and, in fairness, they dominated the second half. Moura equalised in style on the hour when Llorente picked out his run into the area and he lifted an exquisite finish over the advancing Lillis for his first Tottenham goal. Wanyama missed a glorious opportunity when he volleyed over from two yards out but his embarrassment appeared to have been spared when Alli made the most of contact with McGahey, although there was contact, and Kane put away the resulting penalty. Rochdale were deflated but then came one final cross.

Close but no Cigar

A few minutes from making the next round, but Rochdale equalised to make it 2 - 2 and earn a rematch at Wembley.  I am happy for them as it will bring much needed revenue to the club (financial security for the next three years, apparently) but that's about as far as my generosity stretches.  We need to get past them to make progress in the FA Cup.

Viz Bits

Letterbocks: The GP

Silver Lining

On our return to T-L we spotted their reduced items section and had a quick nose.  It was full of imported goods that tend to be slow movers for the locals but for us expats, it was a treasure trove.

Bargain of the day were Tesco's own cheddar thins (full size) down to half price- about 70 pence a packet.  I bought all their stock as I love "mini cheddars" and only get some when we get friends coming to visit.

Made my day.

Solution to the Leak

As we have a tiled floor and a drainage point just by the toilet, it is not the highest priority to cure the leaking hose/head immediately.  Clearly the replacement items bought locally at T-L (around £6 - £7) aren't the most professional of items so we shall wait until tomorrow when we're due to visit Mega Bang Na and see what Home Pro can offer.

The Neighbours Return

Karen and Dean joined us for a catch up and a most enjoyable evening was had by all, in between yawns and stretches.  The guys also suffer jet lag as they are 6 hours ahead of local time and were in the air for over 12 hours.

It didn't matter as we had a laugh and it's good to have them back.

Number Four and Still Not Right

We took both new hose and head attachments back to T-L and swapped them for two different models.  The first was the worst of the lot but the second gave us hope.  A couple of hours later there were tell-tale signs of the head dripping and water on the tiled floor.

We couldn't be arsed any further and went to the pub.  😁

C & H

December 22, 1987

Sunday, 18 February 2018

Nope, No Good

I've given the replacement hose an hour or so and it is still leaking ever so slightly.  I could live with that but past experience has shown it will only get worse over time, so if I am taking one back I may as well take both.

Which means we shall have to leave our Blogging there for today.  Catch you soon in hopefully drier times.


With friends like this...

Welcome Back

Karen and Dean are due back today after their holiday back home to New Zealand.  Have a safe flight and see you at the bar later.

Southend News Network

A 35-year-old woman from Southend in Essex has been describing her shock after she discovered that entering her PIN number in a cash machine backwards while being forced to withdraw money at knifepoint actually does fuck all.
Michelle Garridge told Southend News Network that although she was expecting a triple SWAT stream and the 34th Battalion of the Coldstream Guards to come storming around the corner the moment that she tapped in the last number, the reality was that fuck all happened apart from the cashpoint telling her that she had entered her pin incorrectly.
Ms Garridge added, ‘There was a meme on Facebook, and naturally I assumed that it would be true because it’s was a meme on Facebook. Nobody ever bullshits in those do they?’
‘Thinking about it now actually, it must have been thunderbollocks because some people have PIN numbers like 2332 or 6116.’
‘Come to think of it, people with certain forms of dyslexia would inadvertently summon the LAPD at will every time they withdrew a tenner.’
‘To be fair, I was feeling a little bit tired when I first read it as I had just spent an hour typing a status that said, ‘I hereby declare under paragraph 54 sentence 13 of the Geneva Convention that I do not authorise Facebook to assume copyright on anything that I publish. Do not share this status – you must copy and paste it because law.’
‘I was also entering a competition to win a fully-featured motorhome as the manufacturer had a surplus of 100 units that they couldn’t sell, and I have my fingers crossed about a pair of Virgin Atlantic.. tickets and a holiday at Centar Percs.’
‘I felt like Rumpole Of The Bailey after typing that in so I knew it must have been airtight.’
A police source added, ‘If someone finds that they are unfortunate enough to be caught in this situation, we would suggest repeating the false information to your attacker in full as there is a 90% chance they will suffer an aneurysm due to the sheer fuckwittery of it all.’

Well Said

Any man who announces themselves to be an alpha male in public, isn't.
Layabout, one time traveller and on-going beer connoisseur (1964 - )

FA Cup Quarter Finals

Should Spur progress today (away to Rochdale) we face Wednesday or Swansea.  That has to be one of the easier routes and perhaps or best chance of a trophy in decades.

As if.

Leicester v Chelsea
Manchester United v Brighton
Sheffield Wednesday or Swansea v Rochdale or Tottenham
Wigan or Manchester City v Southampton

Viz Bits

Letterbocks – Take 5

Cold Calls

Wifey keeps her mobile on all the time, I rarely switch mine on.  I get zero spam calls, she gets a number but she has had a persistent caller (ID withheld) from a Thai network over recent days until until yesterday she had had enough and texted back to ask "who are you"?  If it was a cold caller they would not pursue as they don't bother with ex-pats.

Turns out it was Khun Alix using his girlfriend's number and he just wanted to let us know he had decided to leave Soi 93 early and had taken out a lease on a small outlet to allow them to start in the healthy smoothie business.

We wish both Khun Alix and Khun Ore the best of luck and hope to see them soon on the other side of the bar.  But how thoughtful was that of them to let us know they would no longer be working at the bar?  We appreciated it immensely.

Next Phase

Couldn't do much regards obtaining a new tube until Tesco-Lotus opened, which is 06:00 (yip, even in a Sunday) and was off at the crack of dawn.  They had several tubes in stock so I bought two of the most expensive ones, with different styles of nozzle (closer inspection revealed it was the bidet hose that had gone).

Got back, fitted the first and it came pissing out from every joint.  No amount of tightening could stop the leaks so tried the second.  This seems a little better but there are still obvious drips so I will have to go back and swap them for another two hose and hope they are better finished.

It's going to be a long day.


Switching the TV off around midnight and getting ready to read a few chapters, I thought I heard it raining.  But not the usual pitter-patter or thundery downpour, this sounded different.  And a bit closer to home.

I left the bedroom and immediately realised it was coming from the bathroom- a water feed tube to the toilet had split and its best Songkran impression whereby it was emptying water in jet propulsion style up the wall.

And up to the ceiling and then down the walls and all over our tiny bathroom.

I switched the mains off, dried things of as best I could and got to sleep around 01:00...

C & H

December 22, 1988

Saturday, 17 February 2018

Said and Done

Gianni Infantino – unhappy with “the amount of money flowing out of football” to agents. Infantino – paid £1.15m basic plus bonus, house, cars and a flowers budget – warned the culture “raises questions about potential misuse of funds”.


More Fake News

Donald Trump has been rated as one of the worst presidents in the US since polls began nearly 75 years ago, with his predecessor Barack Obama one of the most popular, a survey found.
Mr Trump was ranked close to the “terrible” end of a scale of 1 to 10, landing the third spot ahead of only Lyndon Johnson and disgraced Richard Nixon at the bottom, an Ipsos survey found.
Mr Obama was rated 6.15 in the presidential popularity stakes – only beaten to top of the “excellent” end of the scale by Ronald Reagan (6.29) and John F. Kennedy (6.56) in the ranking of presidents who served since the early 1950s.

Ha, Ha

News Thump

UKIP are facing a ‘serious financial crisis’ after being sued for making up a whole bunch of crap and then refusing to change their story in the face of actual evidence, in today’s moment of entertaining irony.
MEP Jane Collins made a series of unsupported claims and refused to retract them when presented with contrary proofs, resulting in UKIP facing an enormous and entirely avoidable bill which risks permanent harm – leaving some commentators to point out that this feels oddly familiar in some way.
The MEP was sued by the Labour party and lost – and the High Court ruled that her entire party must be held liable for the costs of her actions, in some curious way mirroring another reality where everyone gets to bear the costs of the entire party’s actions.
“It’s almost fractal, the way this pattern of just making up nonsense and roping other people into paying for the consequences repeats at a smaller and smaller scale,” said bemused onlooker Simon Williams.
“I’m half expecting her cat to shit on her rug and then somehow force next door pay for the bottle of bleach.”

No Fair

We have a communal washing machine and drier that anyone can use on a first come, first served basis.  It's a really good set up and we usually get to use the drier (for bedclothes, our balcony is really a bit small to accommodate) pretty much always as we choose to go during business hours and never on weekends.

Next to the machines we also have a drinking water dispenser which costs THB 1 per litre and is equally a valued service, which we use on a daily basis.

My point?  Why is it that when the washing machine is used by someone else and I am filling our empties with water, does their washing smell so good?  I have no idea which conditioner they use but it always ponks brill; far better than ours.

Early Close Rumours

There have been some persistent rumours doing the rounds about the army roaming the back streets in our district and getting bars to close at 23:00.  I am not sure how true this is but leaving the bar at such an hour is not a problem to us as we prefer an early start and finish.

It may cause problems for the tourism trade though and that needs all the help it can get as our high season is not as busy as usual.  Let's hope that gets better quickly as this country relies heavily on this area of income.

Take Five

Checked out both new Xbox games and got a 50:50 split; one ran while the other didn't.  Now I will go back to the shop to see if they will exchange and if they do, I will buy more as they have many titles not found elsewhere. 

If not, I will simply go back to my original guy and hope they have updated their back catalogue.

Viz Bits

Letterbocks: Bees

Touch Wood

Even our precariously overloaded Minix boxes all seem to be chugging along quite well and we are able to run things as we want without having to upgrade our hardware.  Let's hope that carries on for quite some time.

When You Least Expect Things

Just when we were wondering if we'd get our exchange rate, things feel into place and we got news from World First our transaction had cleared.  We've now sent over our payment and should receive our Thai baht by the beginning of the week.  Happy days.

Back Home

On a spontaneous whim, we popped out on Thursday to have a few beers back at our local bar, the Corner.  It was like we'd never been away and the lack of activity on here yesterday should be a clear indication of what a marvellous time we had.

It's good to be back- at both venues.

C & H

December 22, 1991

December 22, 1990

Friday, 16 February 2018

Happy New Year

To all our Chinese readers and friends.

If you're unsure of which sign of the zodiac you are, here's the skinny for you:

  • Dog: 2018, 2006, 1994, 1982, 1970, 1958, 1946, 1934, 1922, and 1910
  • Rooster: 2017, 2005, 1993, 1981, 1969, 1957, 1945, 1933, 1921, and 1909
  • Monkey: 2016, 2004, 1992, 1980, 1968, 1956, 1944, 1932, 1920, and 1908
  • Goat: 2015, 2003, 1991, 1979, 1967, 1955, 1943, 1931, 1919, and 1907
  • Horse: 2014, 2002, 1990, 1978, 1966, 1954, 1942, 1930, 1918, and 1906
  • Snake: 2013, 2001, 1989, 1977, 1965, 1953, 1941, 1929, 1917, and 1905
  • Dragon: 2012, 2000, 1988, 1976, 1964, 1952, 1940, 1928, 1916, and 1904
  • Rabbit: 2011, 1999, 1987, 1975, 1963, 1951, 1939, 1927, 1915, and 1903
  • Tiger: 2010, 1998, 1986, 1974, 1962, 1950, 1938, 1926, 1914, and 1902
  • Ox: 2009, 1997, 1985, 1973, 1961, 1949, 1937, 1925, 1913, and 1901
  • Rat: 2008, 1996, 1984, 1972, 1960, 1948, 1936, 1924, 1912, and 1900
  • Pig: 2007, 1995, 1983, 1971, 1959, 1947, 1935, 1923, 1911, and 1899
  • Thursday, 15 February 2018

    OK, Then


    Why do you get IN a car, but ON a bus?

    Bo Jo in BKK

    Our pal Louise works at the British Embassy here in Bangers.  She sent us this picture of Boris Johnson dropping in for a chat.

    The Foreign Secretary took the opportunity of outlining his vision for the Britain's departure from the EU (how is that relevant on his visit to Asia?) where he also said: “the right deal on aviation and on visa-free travel” would allow Britons “ever more intensively to go on cheapo flights to stag parties in ancient cities”.

    This blundering buffoon represents his country as a diplomat on foreign shores and he thinks this statement is suitable or it's a subject for joking about?

    I used to like Bo Jo and thought him nowt more than a harmless bumbling oaf.  That was before May found it wise to make him Foreign Secretary and now he is not just an embarrassment but he is downright dangerous.

    I'm not sure who is more at fault though, BJ for trapping off without due thought processes or May for giving him the role in the first place.


    Well Said

    Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.
    Mickey Friedman

    Only in America

    Amazing Facts006

    Later than Expected

    I must have missed this but it was Shrove Tuesday on, erm, Tuesday.  Metro offers up answers to some questions you may have:

    What is Shrove Tuesday?

    Shrove Tuesday is always the day before the first day of Lent, known as Ash Wednesday, which is always 40 days before Easter.

    Why does the date change each year? 

    The date is always 47 days before Easter Sunday, meaning Shrove Tuesday is generally always between February 3 and March 9. The day when Easter falls changes every year in accordance to the first moon after the vernal equinox. This year Easter falls on April 1, coinciding with April Fools’ Day

    Why is it called Shrove Tuesday? 

    The name ‘Shrove’ derives from the word ‘shrive’ meaning to free yourself from sin. Over in the US, Shrove Tuesday is known as ‘Mardi Gras’ meaning ‘fatty Tuesday’ in French.

    Why do we make pancakes? 

    During Lent, Christians are encouraged to give up certain luxuries to atone for their sins. Flour, butter and eggs were common things to give up, so making pancakes is a great way to use them up, plus they act as a great vehicle for any other sweet or savoury treats you might be planning to quit.

    The idea is to get rid of any indulgences and fatty foods in the house before the beginning of Lent. However, pancake recipes are thought to date back to the Pagan times as a way of using up eggs, flour and milk in one dish. Some Christians believe that the four ingredients in pancakes represent the four pillars of the Christian faith: flour for sustenance, eggs for creation, milk for purity and salt for wholesomeness.