Growing Problem

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This Looks Useful: KK to Brunei

Again, from wiki:

By boat

This is one of the more comfortable ways of making the journey as you do not need to spend so many hours on the "road." The sea is also relatively smoother than traveling on the back roads of Sabah, Sarawak and Brunei.

Though there are several ferries taking the route between Kota Kinabalu and Labuan and Labuan to Brunei, if you take the wrong ones you may end up being stuck and forced to stay overnight in Labuan.

To get from KK to Brunei in the same day, the following is a good strategy:

• Get to the Point Jesselton Ferry Terminal in Kota Kinabalu at around 7:00am; earlier if a weekend. The terminal is a 20-minute walk from the center of town. At the terminal you can buy a "package" of two ferry trips (KK-Labuan and Labuan-Brunei) for RM56 (including the RM3 departure tax). You can also buy this package in advance, which is advisable for weekends and holidays, but you need to have your passport with you when you do so.
• The ferry to Labuan leaves KK at 8:00am and arrives in Labuan at 11:15am. Once in Labuan, you have the option to take the 12Noon trip or the 1:30 pm trip in which you'll have some time for lunch (and cheap beer!), shopping and perhaps a quick visit to the Labuan Museum, or maybe a cab ride to and from the Labuan War Cemetery.
• The ferry to Brunei leaves at 12:00 Noon and 1:30pm;. You need to pay a departure tax of RM10 at the ticket office. The ferry journey takes between one and one-and-a-half hours.
• Once in Brunei, you'll go through immigration and customs at the Serasa Ferry Terminal. You can change money at the terminal. Then you board a shuttle to Bandar Seri Begawan. The shuttle costs B$2 and takes about 40 minutes to arrive at the bus terminal in BSB, in the southeast corner of the city. You will arrive in BSB sometime around 2:30pm if you take the 12:00 noon trip or 4:00pm if you take the 1:30 trip.

From Bandar Seri Begawan to Kota Kinabalu, the following is the best game plan:

• Take the earliest express bus to the Serasa Ferry Terminal: it leaves at 6:40am from the last bay in the bus terminal in Bandar Seri Begawan, which is next to the bay for Bus #39. It costs B$2, and the trip takes about 40 minutes, getting you to the ferry terminal in time to buy a ticket for the 8:30am ferry departure to Labuan. Some schedules still show a 9:00am ferry as well but that does not go anymore; however, the 8:30am ferry usually waits until 9:00 to get as many passengers as possible.
• The ferry to Labuan costs B$15. Unlike the KK-Brunei direction, there is no two-ferry "package," nor can you book tickets in advance. You can change your remaining Brunei dollars to Malaysian Ringgit, but remember to save B$1 to pay the departure tax. The ferry ride takes between one and one-and-a-half hours.
• When you arrive in Labuan, you will go through immigration and customs; immediately afterward, go to the ticketing office and buy a ticket for the 1:00pm ferry, which seems to be the last ferry of the day to Kota Kinabalu. This costs RM34 for lower deck, RM39 for upper deck. Now you have a few hours to explore Labuan and have lunch. (Note: There's no left-luggage facilities nor tourist information desk in the ferry terminal.)
  • Warning: The ferry schedule is very much fluctuating and departures are cancelled quite often. For example on Sun 30 Aug 2009 there was no boat leaving Labuan before 3:30pm and the only way to get to KK to catch an AirAsia flight in time was to take a speedboat to Menumbok (RM15, less than half an hour) and a minivan-taxi all the way to KK (RM30 per person, leaves when there are 7 passengers in the car and the trip takes two hours).
• The 1:00pm ferry arrives at the Point Jesselton Ferry Terminal in Kota Kinabalu at around 4:15pm. The terminal is an easy 20-minute walk from the center of town.

They say no gain without pain, but thanks to this comprehensive guide, it doesn't look too bad. We could even stretch it out with an overnight stay (in or out?) at Labuan. It's nice to have options. :o)

This Week on the Ball

Saturday, 28th November 2009

Barclays Premier League

Aston Villa v Tottenham @ 17:30

The Coca-Cola Football League Championship

Newcastle v Swansea @ 15:00

Monday, 30th November 2009

Bundesliga 2 »

Kaiserslautern - Bielefeld @ 19:15

Kota Kinabalu

From our friends at wiki:

Kota Kinabalu (pronounced [ˈkɔtɑ kɪnɑbɑlʊ]), formerly Jesselton^[1], is the capital of Sabah state in Malaysia. It is also the capital of the West Coast Division of Sabah. The city is located on the northwest coast of Borneo facing the South China Sea. The Tunku Abdul Rahman National Park lies on one side and Mount Kinabalu, which gave the city its name, is nearby. Kota Kinabalu proper has a population of 579,304, while the larger urban area has an estimated population of 700,000. It is the largest urban centre in Sabah and the sixth largest in Malaysia.^[2]

Kota Kinabalu is often known as K.K. within Malaysia and internationally. It is a major tourist destination and a popular gateway for travellers visiting Sabah and Borneo.^[3] Kinabalu National Park is located about 90 kilometres from the city and there are many tourist attractions in and around the city. Kota Kinabalu is also one of the major industrial and commercial centres of East Malaysia. These two factors combine to make Kota Kinabalu one of the fastest growing cities in Malaysia.^[4]

In the late 1800s, the British North Borneo Company (BNBC) began to establish colonies throughout North Borneo (now Sabah). In 1882, the Company founded a small settlement in the area known as Gaya Bay which was already inhabited by the Bajau people. The first settlement was on Gaya Island (Pulau Gaya). In 1897, this first settlement was burned and destroyed by Bajau rebels led by Mat Salleh.^[5]

After the rebellion, the Company decided to relocate the settlement to the more easily defended mainland opposite Pulau Gaya. A nearby fishing village named Api-Api (see Original names below), was the next settlement of the Company. This new location was then designated as the main harbour and port, as well as the terminus for the North Borneo Railway. It was expanded and renamed Jesselton, named after Sir Charles Jessel, the then Vice Chairman of the Company.

Eventually, Jesselton became a major trading post of North Borneo, dealing in rubber, rattan, honey, and wax. The new railway was used to transport goods to Jesselton harbour. Bajau uprisings during these times were not uncommon, and the Company worked to quell the long-standing threat of piracy in the region.

Jesselton was razed by the retreating British early in World War II to prevent it from falling into the hands of the Japanese. After the Japanese takeover of Borneo, it was again renamed Api. Rebellions against the Japanese military administration have taken place in Api. One major rebellion occurred in 1943 by the group called Kinabalu Guerrillas, consisting of local inhabitants. Japanese forces quelled the rebellion after its leader, Albert Kwok, was arrested and executed in 1944.^[6] At the later stages of the war, what remained of the town was destroyed again by Allied bombings as part of the Borneo Campaign in 1945, leaving only three buildings standing. The war in North Borneo ended with the official surrender of the Japanese 37th Army by Lieutenant General Baba Masao in Labuan on September 10, 1945.

After the war, the British North Borneo Company returned to administer Jesselton but was unable to finance the huge costs of reconstruction. They gave control of North Borneo to the British Crown in 1946. The new colonial government elected to rebuild Jesselton as the capital of North Borneo instead of Sandakan, which had also been destroyed by the war.^[7]

When North Borneo together with Sarawak, Singapore & Federation of Malaya formed the Federation of Malaysia in 1963, the state became known as Sabah and Jesselton remained its capital. Jesselton was renamed Kota Kinabalu on September 30, 1968 and received official city status from the Malaysian government on February 2, 2000.

So much better than I could have put it...

Bang On

The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism.

- Sir William Osler

And the Gaff?

So-so.

Malaysia is an odd country for hotels as you have the top end which is lavish and opulent and then the bargain basement- in between (our price range) is all a bit hit and miss.

The Imperial Boutec at first glance looks impressive but after a curt and overly long check in (and they wanted payment in advance) we saw the room which is fine initially but after a while you notice the somewhat slap-dash finishing and penny pinching measures the company has utilised.

Why no bedside cabinets or individual lights for night time reading? Why only have one film and sport channel when the usual basic package has three of each and costs little more? And why no fridge? Even basic B & Bs offer you somewhere to keep your tins cool.

Another irritation is that we booked well in advance and yet the room was not fully prepared. The sink was blocked, it had no hot water (despite having a hot water tap) and they hadn't even left us bath towels.

It's OK for five nights but on our return from Brunei (fingers crossed) we shall be spending the last week some place else. It is ideally situated for the nightlife on the sea front (which may be tested on the odd occasion but with tourist prices, I expect we'll go in-land) and we're in the heart of the shopping district, but quite honestly I'd expect more for our cash.

Then again, we have been spoilt after our long stays at the Bayview Hotel in Georgetown so pretty much all else is always going to be a pale imitation unless you're chucking bog fulls of cash at it.

Airport to Hotel

Getting a taxi is easy as there is a rank directly outside the small airport and the highway men are literally queuing up to lighten your wallet. One can hire a private car/cab from the booths inside the airport but they all charge the same; a quite escalated MYR 30 for the short (fifteen minute?) trip.

We chose the taxi driver option for as we all know, I just love them, and our guy had no shame in extorting the inflated fee from us on arrival shortly after we had got into his shit heap. He didn't even bother to open the boot for our luggage and we had to sit with it on our laps.

The distance is probably worth only MYR 10-15 (£2-£3) for the run, but what can you do?

Bear in mind that there is a slight difference between the Imperial International Hotel and its "cheaper" sister the Imperial Boutec Hotel. The former is on the ground floor and looks quite lavish; we only got a brief look before being ushered outside and left, the latter is accessed via a shopping mall and is located on the 7th floor of Warisan Square.

You're better off taking the second left by the way, as this leads directly to the lifts- we took the first and used the shop escalators until they ran out on the second floor, but we eventually found the lifts further along.

Getting Stamped In

As it was an internal flight there was no fuss at KL airport and we simply had our hand luggage X-rayed without needing to worry about passport/immigration control and customs. Not so at KK airport- we were greeted by a friendly passport control burd who even stamped our documents. We really have to re-new our passports in BKK next month- we've fast running out of pages.

See For Yourself

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Red line is our flight at 2.5 hours and the blue line is the distance we need to travel to get to Brunei, which by all accounts will take us all day by bus and boat. We'll be looking into the trip and its logistics later today and hopefully we can get there.

Long Haul

Event-less flight as expected with the ultra reliable Air Asia other than we were surprised that it was such a long trip. We're used to hopping around for an hour or two, maximum, but this was two and a half hours- Borneo sure is a long way from Kuala Lumpur.

More Mistakes

I seem to be having a slight confusion with numbers/times/dates and other important things. I could have sworn our kick out time at the Tune Hotel was midday, but at 11:00 we got a gadgy braying on the m-i-l's door requesting that we vacate immediately as we were an hour over due.

I checked the paperwork and yip, I'd messed up again; it clearly stated checking in time as 14:00 and checking out was 10:00, not 12:00.

Is this the on-set of senility?

Anyway, the guys were cool and didn't charge us for the over stay, so all was well. "We've" already paid out enough "extras" already... :o)

No Wonder It Gets Confusing

We've just had another Air Asia amendment for our flight to Yogyakarta, Indonesia on 4th January, 2010. It's been brought forward from a nice 14:00 slot to stink early at 07:00! Luckily we're back at the Tune so it's no big deal.

Happy Birthday

To my uncle, Wolfgang, in Bielefeld. Sorry I won't be able to call but the connection is s-o s-l-o-w and we're on the mini HP netbook, which makes Skyping more than difficult. Anyway, I'm sure you'll be having a great day anyway and we're thinking of you.

King of the Swingers

We've arrived in the gloriously named Kota Kinabalu and it looks like we'll be having some fun during our fortnight's stay.

Early impressions indicate it is very much a seaside tourist resort and all that goes with it; plenty of restaurants and bars, along with the escalated prices, but I'm sure we can find our way off the beaten path.

King Canute

One hundred women were asked to carry a "clicker" in an experiment to measure how many times they felt anxiety about their bodies ageing. Over a seven day period, the women (aged 35 to 69) had to use the counter every time they worried about their face, body, or appearance in general.

On average, the women surveyed had negative thoughts 36 times a day, meaning they stress about their looks 252 times a week.

What an utter waste of effort and energy. :-(

You're Having a Laugh

A couple who refused to leave a tip after allegedly receiving bad service in a Pennsylvania restaurant were arrested by police after being accused of theft.

They couple had joined six friends at the town's Lehigh Pub for dinner and claimed they had to wait almost an hour for their meal to arrive. The service was so shoddy they had to get their own cutlery and napkins and the group said they had to repeatedly ask for drink refills while their waitress smoked outside the pub.

At the end of the meal of salad and chicken wings, they were presented with a $73.87 bill and a $16.35 tip had been added as there was eight people in the party. The group paid for the meal, but did not leave a tip after explaining to the manager why.

The restaurant's owner admitted that the group had waited an unusually long time for their food, but said the pub had been very busy that night. He said managers offered to give the table a discount for some of the food, a claim the couple denied. The restaurant then called in Plod and the couple led away in handcuffs, after the Rozzers said the pair were charged with theft, as the gratuity was part of the actual bill. They are due to appear in court and plan to contest the theft charges.

A spokesman for the Lehigh Pub said the restaurant menu makes it clear parties of six or more have a mandatory 18% gratuity.

It is typical in the US to leave a 15-20% tip, and tables of six or more usually charge a mandatory 15% gratuity.

How Many More Reasons Do You Need?

The Conservatives are to scrap home information packs (Hips) “in a matter of weeks” should the party win the next general election, saying it would be one of their first tasks.

The move will bring to an end more than a decade of controversy since the concept of Hips first appeared in Labour’s housing policy in 1997 as a way of improving homebuying and selling. After lengthy debates and revisions, they were introduced on 1st August, 2007, as the housing market began to slip into steep decline.

I seem to recall paying several hundred quid to sell our home and it was not just a complete waste of money but also resources and time. Yet another ridiculous idea bull dozed through to save face.

A Tory government would also raise the house price threshold above which stamp duty is paid to £250 000 to help first-time buyers.

Close Call

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This was one of the filums on offer to watch during the week when we went to the pictures. I think we made the correct decision to give it a miss.

Q&A: DNA database

From TTimes:

Remind me what I have forgotten about the DNA database In the mid-Eighties Professor Alec Jeffreys discovered how to take a sample of someone’s DNA and convert it into a unique genetic fingerprint. The database, set up in 1995 and overseen by The National Policing Improvement Agency — the government quango for police technology — contains the DNA of 4.8 million people. It is the largest in the world per head of population. About 30,000 profiles are added each month

How much does the database cost to maintain? Quite a lot. It cost £4.2 million in 2008-09

And who is on it? Initially it was used for storing DNA profiles taken from crime scenes

What has changed since the database was born? Since April 2005 the DNA of anyone arrested for a recordable offence has been added. The DNA remains on the database even if there is no charge or an acquittal at court

Hang on. Didn’t the European Court in Strasbourg rule that was illegal? The European Court said that retaining the DNA of people arrested but subsequently not charged with a crime or acquitted was disproportionate

What has the Government done to meet that ruling? Initially it brought forward plans to retain the samples of people arrested but not charged, or acquitted of serious crimes, for 12 years and six years for minor crimes. But the proposal met strong resistance from civil liberties groups and opposition parties, making it unlikely to get through Parliament. Ministers are now proposing to retain samples of the innocent for six years. Most of those convicted of crimes will be on the database for ever

Surely only adults are on the database? Not children? Actually they are. Samples can be taken only from the under-10s (the age from which the law says someone can be held criminally responsible for their actions) with the permission of a parent. In any case, about a quarter of all those arrested are under 18

Has it actually helped to solve any crimes? A notable example is that of Steve Wright, jailed for life for murdering five prostitutes in Ipswich in 2006. In 2003 he had been arrested and convicted of stealing a small amount of money. When the prostitutes were murdered, police recovered samples from one of the bodies and analysis produced a match to the DNA profile taken when Wright was arrested for theft. Another example is Ronald Castree, who was convicted of abducting and murdering Lesley Molseed, 11. Lesley’s body was found in 1975 and a semen stain was taken from her clothing but the case lay cold until 2005 when Castree was arrested on suspicion of rape. His DNA was taken, but there was no further action. When the sample was loaded on to the DNA database it matched the semen stain taken from Lesley’s clothing. He was convicted of her murder in 2007

Is Britain the only country to have a DNA database? Austria, Belgium, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Spain, Sweden and Switzerland allow the taking and retention of samples

Do they have different procedures from Britain? Yes. In most of these countries (including Austria, Belgium, Finland, France, Germany, Hungary, Ireland, Italy, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Spain and Sweden), the taking of DNA information in the context of criminal proceedings is limited to some specific circumstances and/or to more serious crimes, notably those punishable by certain terms of imprisonment

So Britain has a tougher regime that most of its fellow EU members? Oh yes. Britain is the only member state to expressly permit the systematic and indefinite retention of DNA profiles and cellular samples of persons who have been acquitted or in respect of whom criminal proceedings have been discontinued.

Preston 0, Newcastle 1

Despite by all accounts an awful game (compounded by the Toon playing in their deck chair colours), Newcastle sneak the winning goal and all three points to go back on top and clear of West Brom by two points.

That'll cheer wifey up after my faux pas on the flight times. I had better get her to check today's flights too...

Big Gesture- Well Done

Wigan's players are to personally refund Latics fans who bought tickets at the DW Stadium for the 9-1 hammering at Tottenham on Sunday.

Wigan took a large following to White Hart Lane for the defeat, the second heaviest in Premier League history. Wigan's captain, Mario Melchiot, said via the official club website:

"We feel that as a group of players we badly let down our supporters yesterday. This is a gesture we have to make and pay them back for their loyalty.

There is not a lot else to say, just that as a group of professionals we were embarrassed by the way we performed, we feel it was below our standards and this (the refund) is something we feel we owe to the fans.

Now we have to draw a line under the game, focus completely on training this week and bounce back on Saturday. We are professionals, we will take it on the chin and move on but it's important that we do not take our supporters for granted."

I wish him and his team well, but as a Spurs fan I also want to thank him for making me extremely chuffed this week. Wouldn't it also be good if players did this when their teams got relegated? Yeah, right.

More at the Beeb.

Ar, Cap'n

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What, no Captain Birdseye?

Good News

Just had confirmation that our Australian cruise has now been paid off in full and we're good to go (in March 2010). We just need to re-new our passports in Bangkok as soon as we get back and then we're done.

ktelontour- poorer but happier. :o)

Tune Hotel

Is maybe about a year old or coming up to that. No doubt it sees heavy traffic on a daily basis and the vast majority will be one-nighters and this is what leaves its toll. No one cares and some of the rooms are already looking tatty and a tad rough around the edges.

Most doors squeak awfully and don't open and close readily causing further heavy handedness and thereby exacerbating the problem. This is turn ensures that everyone is disturbed from their slumbers as the vacating vactioners (ha!) force the doors to slam close and it's all so unnecessary.

Inside it's all mostly OK but the bathrooms get some abuse and most fixtures and fittings are loose or hanging on for dear life.

It's not a huge problem as it's usually only for a few hour's kip but it could so easily be avoided if people just took a bit more care.

Coming into Land

"Fasten your safety belts, ensure your seat is in the upright position and that your table is up and your arm rest is down- we are coming into land" or something like that.

Except unless you're fast asleep, sprawled out over the three seats and snoring your head off, as our fellow passenger over the aisle from me was. No one made him do any of those requests and he was out cold as we touched down, only waking after we had taxied to a halt.

I know things are laid back in Asia but that was a first for me and rather good to see. I'm guessing it was a one off though as I can't imagine the aviation authorities would be over keen to encourage this kind of tolerance. Whatever next? Smoking in the bogs post Mile High Club qualification?

When is 20:50 Really 17:45?

When you're a retard as I am and don't read your ticket properly. Can you believe I made all three of us miss our flight because I looked at the landing time, not the departure time? Oh, yes...

We got to the airport exactly as the flight was taking off!

Ah, well, it's like this dear, you've married a div and he's got you stranded at the airport.

Fortunately, as usual wifey was in good spirits and my, how we laughed. We legged it to the Air Asia sales office and the wonderfully smiling and efficient burd behind the counter made light work of amending our details to the next flight out (the last, as it went) and even gave us a discount on the airport tax.

I have to 'fess up that it did cost us for my error (and there's no way I'm telling you exactly how much either; I may be an idiot but I'm not stupid) but let's just say it reached three figures (comfortably) and I haven't mentioned a word to the m-i-l. :o)

Still, we made it to KL airport and to the Tune Hotel without further incident and all is now well again.

Airport Taxi

Unbelievable trip to Bhumi Airport from the Imm Fusion Hotel.

A cab hailed off the street by the doorman loaded all of our luggage into the boot and we were off. The driver immediately switched on the meter (only the second time this has ever happened despite all of our requests) and we arrived through rush hour traffic with plenty of time to spare.

The cost? A quite incredible THB 169- we average about THB 300-400 depending on route, direction and evilness of the taxi driver.

That is the cheapest fare we've yet experienced and shows how often we get ripped off when using taxis to and from the airport. Why don't they just use their meters as the norm; as they're meant to?

Connected at the Tune Hotel

Everyone is still asleep and so I've picked up a 24 hour wi-fi voucher for a reasonable MYR 12 to gain access to the internet at the airport. It's a slow connection (11 Mbps) but it seems stable enough even though the initial log on caused some concern.

As soon as the signal was picked up and I tried accessing the internet, big warning signs flashed up on the screen stating that the digital certificate was bogus and to not continue. I checked with the staff downstairs and they said it "standard" and to connect anyway which I have and since then it has worked without problem via their log in screen.

Not what you'd expect but then again you would; this is Asia and everything odd is normal...

City Answers

• 

  1. Where is this incomplete aerial view?

  Correct answer: Berlin

• 

  2. Where is this unnatural waterside view?

  Correct answer: Dublin

• 

  3. Which European city is under the snow?

  Correct answer: Copenhagen

• 

  4. Where are we now?

  Correct answer: Barcelona

  You answered: Rome
• 

  5. Where is this malformed skyline?

  Correct answer: Cape Town

• 

  6. Which European city is this?

  Correct answer: Rome

• 

  7. Where was this empty evening shot taken?

  Correct answer: Amsterdam

  You answered: Stockholm
• 

  8. Where would you find this night scene?

  Correct answer: Tokyo

• 

  9. Where is this spacious sunset?

  Correct answer: Moscow

• 

  10. Where are these tower blocks?

  Correct answer: Beijing

You scored 8 out of a possible 10

Not bad, considering the extensive digital manipulation used to produce this quiz.

Not bad at all seeing as I guessed a couple too. :o)

Guess the City Without its Famous Landmark

If the pictures are clipped, check out the link to the original at The Guardian:

1. 1. Where is this incomplete aerial view?

   
   1. Warsaw
   2. Toronto
   3. Berlin
   4. Stuttgart

1. 2. Where is this unnatural waterside view?

   
   1. Manchester
   2. Amsterdam
   3. Berlin
   4. Dublin

1. 3. Which European city is under the snow?

   
   1. Turin
   2. Copenhagen
   3. Stockholm
   4. Dubrovnik

1. 4. Where are we now?

   
   1. Rome
   2. Bogota
   3. Pisa
   4. Barcelona

1. 5. Where is this malformed skyline?

   
   1. Rio
   2. Cape Town
   3. Melbourne
   4. San Fransisco

1. 6. Which European city is this?

   
   1. Rome
   2. Vienna
   3. Pisa
   4. Ljubljana

1. 7. Where was this empty evening shot taken?

   
   1. Copenhagen
   2. Paris
   3. Stockholm
   4. Amsterdam

1. 8. Where would you find this night scene?

   
   1. Hong Kong
   2. Tokyo
   3. New York
   4. San Francisco

1. 9. Where is this spacious sunset?

   
   1. Istanbul
   2. Moscow
   3. Vienna
   4. Tbilisi

1. 10. Where are these tower blocks?

   
   1. Moscow
   2. Beijing
   3. Salt Lake City
   4. Sofia

Answers set to appear at midday, so see if you can beat my 8/10...

Let Them Not Eat Cake

A husband in Beijing, China, has left his wife after she forced him to eat cake for every meal. The man said he was happy with the baked goodies at first but now just mentioning the word cake made him feel ill. He said:

"Egg cake, fruit cake, chocolate cake. I felt like a bakery dustbin."

He has now threatened divorce if wifey doesn't stop baking. :o)

Unfriend

According to one American dictionary (New Oxford American Dictionary's 2009 Word of the Year), the word of 2009 is "unfriend", a term used for removing someone as a friend on Facebook or some other similar social network).

Each year the American branch of Oxford University Press tracks how the English language is changing and chooses a newly devised word that best reflects the mood of the year. Other technology-related finalists included terms such as netbook (a miniature, low cost laptop designed to primarily connect to the internet); hashtag (the way Twitter users categorise tweets by topic); and sexting, which is sending sexually explicit texts and pictures by cell phone.

Non-tech words included birther (one of the crazed conspiracy theorists who insist in the face of all available evidence that Barack Obama was not born in the USA); funemployed (the state of using unemployment as an excuse to have fun); and deleb- which is a dead celebrity.

Best word to sum up 2009? How about recession?

Paris, The Alternative Tours

As per TTimes:

Rooftop Paris There is no substitute for the elegant spike of the Eiffel Tower, but for another glorious view of Paris make for the rooftop café at the Printemps department store on Boulevard Haussmann. Founded in 1865, this Paris institution is a designated historic monument — albeit one with a huge range of lipstick — giving a 360-degree panorama of the city.

Underneath the arches The Arc de Triomphe has punctuated the end of the Champs-Elysées for two centuries. A more modern arch, no less typical of its time, is La Grande Arche in La Défense, Paris’s ultra-modern business district, built in 1989 to celebrate the bicentenary of the French Revolution. You can ascend to the roof of the 110m (360ft) arch for a fine view or a meal in its restaurant.

Souvenir city The flea markets of Paris are an inexhaustible source of the unexpected. Come the weekend, try a change from the huge spread of markets at Saint-Ouen at the northern edge of the city. Turn south to Porte de Vanves where the puces, though extensive, are not so overwhelming. The 380 or so stallholders are a good source of vintage clothes and decorative household goods.

Paris by boat Nearly everyone takes a boat ride on the Seine in a Bateau Mouche, but a cruise along the Canal St Martin springs a different set of surprises. You travel underneath the Place de la Bastille in an echoing tunnel, encountering a modern artist’s lightshow on the way. You then emerge into the 10th arrondissement, where the canal is lined with colourful boutiques and hip bars. With a commentary in English and French, the cruise runs twice a day.

Dead centre Dying in Paris has been popular among the stars. Fans of Jim Morrison and Oscar Wilde make the journey to the cemetery at Père Lachaise, where many other greats are buried. But Rive Gauche types should visit the cemetery of Montparnasse, where Charles Baudelaire, Samuel Beckett, Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir are interred.

Café society The days of the Belle Époque flâneurs on the Champs-Elysées are long gone, while the ghosts of Hemingway, Sartre and de Beauvoir no longer haunt the Left Bank cafés. These days the place for bobos (bourgeois bohemians) to debate and look cool is Chez Prune. This bar and bistrot on the corner of the Quai de Valmy and Rue Beaurepaire is handy for Agnès B and the trendy boutiques of the 10th and is open to 2am for late-night soul-searching.

Kids’ stuff Paris for children usually means Disneyland but there are other attractions for them. At La Villette, a space-age silver dome announces a range of exhibitions: the Cité des Sciences and Cité de la Musique have a changing programme of exhibitions and events with many workshops for children. Outside, the Parc de la Villette gives plenty of safe space to play and let off steam.

Unexpected art OK, there is no substitute for the Louvre but sometimes you want something a little less monumental. One of the newest art spots in Paris is Centquatre, which opened last year. The emphasis is on the experimental in all artistic disciplines. Two huge halls host a variety of events and exhibitions. Expect the unexpected.

Take the car Buses and the Metro are all very well, but for a quintessentially French experience, try a tour of the city by Citroën 2CV. With the roof rolled back and your own personal chauffeur giving a commentary in English, the ride will help you see the familiar in a different way. Paris Authentic offers tours by night and day.

Park life A stroll in the Jardin du Luxembourg has long been a favourite recreation. Try the much more dramatic Parc des Buttes Chaumont, the playground of choice for the hip and arty Bellevilloises. Chinese locals practise their t’ai chi here. Others hike through the hilly 4.5 hectare park, visit the children’s playground or the vineyard or simply relax on the grass.

Globetrotting

An Indian man, Kashi Samaddar, has broken a world record by visiting all 194 countries in the world in the shortest time ever. The 55 year old Indian businessman spent nearly £350 000 (I reckon that's a bargain) to achieve the record, which took him six years, 10 months and seven days.

How's that a record? Phileas Fogg & Passepartout did it in 80 days, everyone knows that...

He has now set up the Travel, Tourism and Peace Initiative, geared towards pushing tourism departments of different countries to make their visa policies fairer, which comprises of people who have travelled to more than 100 countries and are in a position to give free advice.

ktelontour are now well over half way there, then. :o)

More of this story at TTel.

Surely Not Again

If anyone can recall that ghastly pile of saccharine shite, "There's No One Quite Like Grandma" by St Winifred's School Choir, which made the number one spot when the charts meant something (1980), prepare to have your aural senses assaulted once again.

14 of the original choir have reunited to release another version of this insult to music in an attempt to make it back to #1, almost thirty years on. Apparently under the guise of "charity", brainwashed kids are going to spend their pocket money to ensure this torrid turd of a tune will find its way into grandma's festive stocking and so expect to hear this being played to false grins and plastic hugs as Christmas Day morning implodes.

Bring back Noel Edmonds- all is forgiven.

No Cock Columbo

"Superdiets" such as drinking large amounts of grapefruit juice or eating only raw fruit and vegetables have been exposed as just food myths as the president of the British Society of Gastroenterology (BSG) said some people developed a “quasi-religious” attitude towards what was the best thing to eat, based on little or no scientific evidence.

He highlighted more than a dozen famous diets including rawism, which argues that cooking food makes it less nutritious, the grapefruit diet, based on the idea that an enzyme in the juice breaks down fat, and the alkaline diet, which seeks to maintain the slightly alkaline nature of the blood by eating certain foods.

Ultimately it's all bollocks, as are the divs that preach this shite. Eat what you like, do what you like but if you want to keep in shape, you're going to have to work for it by exercise. What's so hard to understand?

More at TTel.

Hairy Lip Guide

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Kiss the Toe, It's Healthier...

Debrett's, the "experts" on social etiquette, is advising Christmas party goers to avoid a full festive kiss on the lips under the mistletoe this year to avoid spreading swine flu. Instead, they are suggesting polite social kissing- a brief touch of your cheek on the other person’s, is more hygienic than a handshake and so it is safe to continue that festive tradition. Here are some more tips:

• people should not kiss on the lips
• "leave a saliva trace"
• allow a hand to wander
• air kissing and any luvvie "mwah"sound effects should also be avoided
• it is customary to kiss the other person’s right cheek first and you should decide in advance whether to kiss both cheeks or just one
• afterwards, thank the other person and wish them a merry Christmas
• kissing with a mouthful of food or drink is also frowned upon
• as is rejecting a festive kiss
• it is also advised to keep away from the mistletoe if you have had too much to drink as "social skills will be impaired"

Bah, humbug to you all.

At Last

I didn’t want the job anyway, Blair tells EU

As EU leaders chose the Belgian Prime Minister, Herman van Rompuy, as the new face of limitless European bureaucracy, Tony Blair publicly announced that he didn’t want the job anyway, and anyone says he did is lying.

The move to appoint Rompuy has been welcomed by EU leaders like German Chancellor Angela Merkel who said, “Mr Van Rompuy is the perfect low profile politician we can bully into doing our bidding.”

“He is literally the least powerful option we could choose, so I expect him to spend the next two and a half years breathlessly awaiting our instructions.”

Don’t care

On hearing of the result, UN envoy Tony Blair said he didn’t care. “Why would I want that job, I’m already Middle East peace envoy, which as anyone in the world of unsolvable problems will tell you, is miles and miles better.”

“So what if Rompuy will have a 5,000 strong staff to tend to his every whim. I have the burning hatred of both Israel and Palestine to fuel me every day. Which I really love by the way.”

The move to elect Rompuy as EU President has left most people in the UK completely bewildered.

28 year-old Jane Simms said, “So he’s now the most powerful man in Europe? It’s strange, because if I saw him on the street I’d ask him if he wanted help crossing it.”

“Does he have an army? No? Well, on the bright side I suppose he won’t be invading anywhere any time soon.”

From NArse.

Germany's Game

Against the Ivory Coast last Wednesday wasn't such a straight forward affair. Losing 1-2 at home, it took a Podolski penalty in the 4th minute of injury time to level the scores. It was only a friendly and I am surprised they managed to raise any enthusiasm for the game following the awful suicide of their keeper. :-(

Off Today

As you'll know, our time in BKK with the m-i-l is drawing to a close and we're off to fly down to Kuala Lumpur for our respective onward journeys tomorrow. And this is the odd thing, why?

Looking at our flight times, we're due to travel onto Kota Kinabalu at around 15:00 and wifey's mum is due out at about 17:00, so why are we heading off to spend the night at the airport hotel, when we could easily have stayed on at the Imm for another day and flown down tomorrow?

Perhaps we just want to ensure the m-i-l doesn't miss her flight; we're fortunate that we're flexible and can chop and change our itinerary without too much concern, but a missed long haul flight isn't quite so easy to rearrange.

Anyway, LCCT is a nice airport and the Tune Hotel is fun too. I may even treat myself to an upgrade and splash out on a few hour's worth of wi-fi to Blog from the airport- that'll be a first. However, if not, we'll be back on line soon enough as the hotel we're staying in has assured us we have a signal.

Bogus Scribblings

Approximately three new manuscripts are discovered each year that are initially attributed to William Shakespeare, yet only one in the last 50 years has ever been conclusively proven to authored by the Bard.

Doesn't That Look Good?

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TOTTENHAM 9-1 WIGAN

- Biggest winning margin for Spurs in top flight

- Biggest Tottenham win since Spurs 9-0 Bristol R in 1977

- Highest Premier League score since Man Utd 9-0 Ipswich in 1995

- Defoe first player to score five in Premier since Alan Shearer in 1999

I was actually kidding about Tottenham's lousy goal difference when I said if we won by 16 we'd go above the Arse (although we still are another seven behind) and I wasn't joking about expecting to lose against Wigan as we always slip up against the "easier" sides. But blow me down, not only did we win- but how. And to think it was just 1-0 at half time?

Spurs and Defoe's really have equalled a few records last night and the only regret I have is missing the game. However, we're back in Malaysia today and once we get to our hotel tomorrow, I'm hoping that we'll get access to ESPN and I can watch the whole glorious match as a full repeat.

Altogether now:

♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♫... We're only singing when we're winning...♫♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♪

Marmite Man

A serial Marmite thief has forced a petrol station in Northamptonshire, England to stop stocking the spread after he repeatedly stole every jar from its shelves. The unidentified man has been captured on CCTV during one of this raids (see above), leaving the store with a carrier bag full of the black gold during a month long crime spree.

In total he has stolen 18 jars of the £2.79 spread on four separate occasions worth over £50 from the 24 hour Shell Garage and the manager has now given up hope of stopping the thief and cancelled his order of Marmite. The thefts always occurred at night, when he could sneak in unnoticed by the two staff members on duty, but on one occasion the thief even returned for two jars he'd left behind from one raid the next day. The manager said:

''We can't work out why he was doing it. Maybe he's got a pregnant wife with really strong cravings. He knows what he wants – one night he took all but two jars then he came back for those the next night. Someone suggested that they might be hiding drugs in there. The Marmite would hide the smell. We have stopped selling Marmite now because of this. What's the point in selling something, if every time you stock it – it gets stolen?''

He helpfully described the tea leaf as a man who appears to be in his 30s, with a shaved head, and was wearing jeans, white trainers, a white polo shirt and a black jacket with a white collar and a white stripe across the chest.

Outstanding- they have a CCTV image of the guy and a description. They know when he strikes and exactly what for, and yet they can't nick him? Unbelievable, truly.

The Noise of Nature

A female cricket can hear a male cricket's chirp from four miles away.

That's all well and good, but why make such a racket at night then? Some people are trying to get some kip.

I Don't Get It

We're constantly hearing how banks are making bog-fulls of cash again (and in the process awarding themselves obscene amounts of bonuses), so why aren't they paying back the billions the Government bailed them out with?

Confused from Bangkok

Bounced Cheque

British banks are planning to stop accepting cheques and while the number of issued cheques has fallen by nearly two thirds in the past twenty years, around 3.8 million are still written out every day.

The Payments Council, a panel drawn from the big banks, will vote on 16th December on whether to abolish the method of payment and it already paving the way for this to happen by announcing that cheque guarantee cards will be axed in June 2011. Cheques can cost as much as £1 to process; four times as much as electronic payments.

Fine by me and it will help these weak willed people from writing out cheques they can't honour and thus avoid bank charges. Win-win all round.

It's Always Harder for the Boys

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Out of This World

Manned spaceflights could be launched from Britain for the first time under plans being considered by ministers.

The science minister, has thrown his weight behind proposals by Sir Richard Branson to build a launch station in Scotland for commercial space tourism and officials are examining legal and technical hurdles to operating a spaceport in Britain with flights by Virgin Galactic.

I suppose there will be a demand for this type of outing, for those perhaps eager to outdo their Mile High Club competitors, but couldn't the money spent on this type of ego trip be made better use of elsewhere? Each to their own, I suppose.